I'm so mad. (kids mentioned)

I'm so mad at so many people lately..

to the doctor who scared me into a c-section at only 17. why the hell wouldn't they let me try induction?! I would have perfered going through 30 hours of labour and pushing out a 9.5lb baby then ending up needing a hysterectomy at only 21! I was at the same stage and had my c-section only 16 months before when they induced me and let me deliver my daughter and it went over fine! I'm so mad you took advantage of the situation! I'm also mad at my mother and ex for pushing right along with him!

I'm mad at my ex. he took away my chance to have a positive pregnancy by being an abusive prick through my frist pregnancy and running off during my second one. now I'm months away from getting my date and I'll never get a chance to have a baby with someone who loves me, and my children. you stole that from me. you couldn't have been nice for 9 freakin months!?

I'm mad at my mother for always reminding me that I only have a little while of fertility left. for constantly making jokes about me watching out and making sure i don't get knocked up, for being nothing but happy about this even after i tell you I'm upset!

I'm mad at myself for not being stronger. I should have been able to handle having children, my body should not be so ruined by the age of 21. I should be able to handle the pain. I'm missing college classes, having to lay down and not take my kids out, not go out and have fun. even intamacy with my bf is strained because of the pain from having sex.

I'm mad at the doctors who don't take me seriously. say I'm a baby to my face because of my age. brush me aside, say i should look at other options as if i haven't tried everyone there is already. Adenomyosis doesn't have many options as it is.

why does this have to be so frusterating!?

Jan 13th is the day I talk to a second gyno, my doctor is certain she'll give me the second yes i need to go forward with the surgery. I will be the youngest girl the surgon ever proformed this procedure on. it's going to inturrupt my life breifly, so I can get back to living it normally. but it's going to hurt and I'm scared.

Life is not fair and I am sorry for how you are feeling, I hope you can find some peace in your heart. I feel sometimes like this too and am planning on seeing someone after my surgery to talk with. Try to think of the positives in your life right now, life goes by so fast to be sad and angry. Prayers