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husband thinks i'm here too much...(long) husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

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Unread 11-07-2011, 03:40 PM
husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

so, i lurk here alot...i've been reading a ton of different posts and i feel they have be a HUGE help to me...i really believe the only reason i have not been committed to a loony bin is because i feel better prepared because of all of the wonderful advice here...

that being said, my husband told me last night that he feels i am reading too much on this site and that all i am planning for is the bad stuff...he feels that i won't be in that much pain and that i'll be fine going back to work...his thought is that this surgery is really no different than the gallbladder surgery we both had a few years ago (i was a year before him)...

i really want to scream!!!!!! i've had a hard enough time getting through to him how difficult this surgery is for is my best option, but it hurts me to know i will never have a child that i carried...we do not have children, and he is not terribly open to the idea of adoption, which i knew top it off, i was trying to be honest with him, when i told him, i don't know how much of the holidays i will be participating in this year...his only brother has a 3-year old that (no joke) screams whenever i see him...and he has a little brother who will be here VERY soon...actually, it's possible he'll be here the day before i go in for surgery...

so, really, there's nothing for me to be upset, worried or stressing about...and why on earth would i want to reach out to women who have been or are going through similar emotions!

sorry for the long vent...i'm just struggling so much right now...and i feel so completely alone in this journey...uggg...

thanks for reading if you made it this far!
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Unread 11-07-2011, 04:06 PM
Re: husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

Vent away sister!! lol That is what we are here for. I know that this site has been a lifesaver for me also....HUGS!!
Unread 11-07-2011, 04:25 PM
Re: husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

Keep in mind that I haven't had a DH in years, but if I had one who had that reaction to HS, I would figure it best to not discuss HS with him much anymore. I'd discuss the surgery on here and with women friends. My DH was not receptive to or understanding of any talk of woman's issues and I think it's a blind spot for some men. So that's why we have HS, to meet the need to read, talk, support. I just used to figure, get support from other women, and just look to him for the type support he's better at. I hope he can come to understand, and maybe he'd read the mens info here, but if not, you still have us.
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Unread 11-07-2011, 04:44 PM
Re: husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

We all have days when we feel that NO ONE knows how we feel!!! Vent away!!!! We understand!!!!

Sending you hugs, good thoughts and prayers for an uneventful recovery!!
Unread 11-07-2011, 05:32 PM
Re: husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

Oh, syster...if my husband had any idea how much time I spend on this site, I think he would faint. My question to him is, "have you been to mr.Hystersisters yet? And why not!"
But, alas, my guy is a "here and now" kind of person. I am a planner/preparer type person. I want to know everything about everything and he'll just roll with the punches. Must be the whole Mars vs. Venus thing. You shouldn't apologize for tryi g to prepare and inform yourself, and that's my humble opinion. :-)
Unread 11-07-2011, 05:33 PM
Re: husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)


You won't be the first or the last to be accused of being in the cult of the hystersisters.

I don't know if you had him check out the MisterHysterSisters site. It has information that might make him more informed.

Unread 11-07-2011, 05:35 PM
Re: husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

*Hugs* to you. I'm sorry your DH feels that way, I'm sure mine does to some degree to... he said, "Are you reading those posts again?!!" to me earlier today when I was talking about how scared I am. I, like you, find this site and all the wonderful women here soothing. I am also on here A LOT, though I mostly lurk and read stories, comments, and troll for information.
Good luck fellow Princess, we will make it through. For the record, I had gallbladder surgery (lapro) 20 years ago and my Gyn told me to expect the same type of recovery. I figure, I am 20 years will probably take a little more time but we will see.
Unread 11-07-2011, 07:42 PM
Re: husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

Some of us have to take our time to process ahead of time " all the what ifs" that we are more prepared. When I was younger and had to deal with anything out of my comfort zone, I would put my head in the sand and yell LALALALALA .... That did not turn out well for me in many situations. So I learned that I had to take in scary information a little at a time and give myself time to understand things. That is what takes away the fear for me. This site really helped me to deal with all of my emotions and "what ifs" for my LAVH and Umbilical Hernia repair on 10/31/11. I was able to process on my own without driving my husband up the wall with my ten thousand questions- for days on end. Lol by the time I went in for my surgery I had total peace about the whole thing. I hope you will too :-)
Unread 11-07-2011, 08:05 PM
Re: husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

I have a lovely amazing DH who has been unbelievably supportive through my surgery and recovery. That said, he doesn't understand my whole Hystersisters preoccupation. I used to read a post to him once in a while that I thought was funny or interesting and one time he responded "doesn't anybody on there have anything positive to say?". I told him there was lots of positive stuff. I think he just doesn't understand the need for a support group, which is fine, because luckily he hasn't needed one. I access Hystersisters with my iPhone so I am on the site all the time while I'm laying down with the heating pad on my tummy. And yes, I am still laying down A LOT so I'm on the site a lot. He will sit on the couch beside me and rub my feet while I post away. He doesn't ask what I'm doing and I don't bring it up. No biggie. Even though he doesn't get my need for talking with all of you he does realize its helpful to me and it takes pressure off him. Thank God for you ladies and for this site. I don't know what I would have done without you on this very difficult journey of mine.
Unread 11-07-2011, 08:06 PM
Re: husband thinks i'm here too much...(long)

thanks ladies....i'm trying to be as ok as is keeping me more than frazzled this last week before are all such a help to keep me sane!!

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