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Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support needed! Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support needed!

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  #1  
Unread 11-11-2011, 02:35 PM
Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support needed!

Hi Everyone,

I have surgery scheduled with an endometriosis specialist three weeks from today. As it stands I’m scheduled for laparoscopic excision of endometriosis, lysis of adhesions, a hysteroscopy, an appendectomy and possibly a laparoscopic supracervical hysterectomy. As time is going on I’m finding that I’m really, really scared. I’m 30 years old, unmarried and a virgin with no kids. Depending on what they find in surgery I may or may not need a hysterectomy but apparently there’s a good chance I’m dealing with adenomyosis as well as endometriosis and a partial hysterectomy may be my only chance to relieve the terrible, constant pain I live with every day.

Fortunately, I have a really wonderful boyfriend who will be traveling with me for this surgery. He is silently suffering as well as he also has no kids of his own but he’s staying with me and being very supportive. Deep down I know this is the right decision as I’ve had four different opinions by local doctors. I could stay on pain medication and hormones but they’re very ineffective and they make me feel terrible. I’ve also been offered a total hysterectomy with an oophorectomy but I really, really want to keep my ovaries. I feel like, by seeing an endometriosis specialist (and paying for it out-of-pocket), I’m giving myself the very best care I can but it’s still so difficult.

How did you all get through this? How did you deal with the fear and anxiety? Did any of you go into surgery not knowing whether or not you would keep your uterus and, if so, how did you stand not knowing?!? I also think the fact that I’m a virgin is really affecting me. Is there anyone who can speak from that point of view? I’ve lived my whole life trying to respect and care for my body and somehow I’m feeling like I really missed out. Any support you can give would be wonderful! Thanks so much!
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  #2  
Unread 11-11-2011, 02:52 PM
Re: Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support need

Gosh, I am shedding a tear for you. I am sorry you are so young and faced with so much. Although I haven't been through half of what you have been through, I want you to know that you aren't alone and your sisters here will support you and help you along the way. All I can say is that you've done it the smart way by seeing several doctors and weighing your options. My advise would be to remember the positives that come out of this and don't dwell on the negatives. It sounds like your bf is a strong support system which helps so much! Rememeber that there are other ways of having children (adoption included) if you should decide to want to be a mommy down the road. As far as being a virgin goes, GOOD FOR YOU! There is NOTHING wrong with that and I admire you for staying true to yourself. I wish you the best of luck! Keep us posted!
  #3  
Unread 11-11-2011, 03:10 PM
Re: Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support need

Hey Soleil11,

Ditto chrissieh27. As for no having children, if you keep your ovaries, you can still have a biological child via surrogate if that is something you would be comfortable with.

I have no biological children, but have a great step-daughter. There was a time I felt like I had missed out, but it faded and I'm content.

Take care of yourself first and the rest will fall into place - eventually.
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  #4  
Unread 11-11-2011, 03:56 PM
Re: Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support need

My thoughts are with you. I battled stage III endo for 10 years. I was a virgin for my wedding night too and I was also 30. Actually it was the painful s e x that made me push for further diagnosis of my condition (they thought it was IBS at first). Just take everything one day at a time. I had several surgeries (and excision which didn't help me with my condition). I fought to keep that uterus for over 10 years (even though I didn't have any "yearning" to be a mother). I actually have an absence of pain now and it's almost strange because pain was my constant companion. I hope your surgery goes well and I hope that you have relief of your pain.
  #5  
Unread 11-11-2011, 04:02 PM
Re: Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support need

I can only speak to part of this--I've never had a pregnancy and I'm scheduled for next Thursday. I'm lucky enough that I have children to parent via other means. For years I struggled with the "fact" that I would never parent. I made my peace with it and shortly thereafter, these kids sort of magically appeared in my life.

Take good care of yourself. Be strong in your decision--try your best to deal with the realities of now, rather than the possibles or might bes that are up ahead.

I have a friend who always says, "It all works out in the end. If it doesn't work out, it's not the end."

Hang in there!
  #6  
Unread 11-12-2011, 08:41 AM
Re: Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support need

Soleil11-

First off, big hugs!!!!! This is a lot to deal with but hopefully they will be able to end your pain. And congrats on having a super supportive BF. As others have said, there are alternatives for children, even those of your own if you keep your ovaries. And the benefits of being pain free and able to enjoy your life and those possible children will hopefully keep you moving forward. As for being a virgin, good for you for waiting until it was right for you. And if the surgery relieves pain, congrats on never having to deal with painful sex. I'm sure this is a very scary time for you but don't forget your sisters are here for you.
  #7  
Unread 11-12-2011, 08:49 AM
Re: Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support need

I'm sorry to hear of your illness and suffering and happy that you will feel better soon with good care.

As far as the feeling go, fear, worry, anxiety. be gentle with yourself. If you find yourself overwhelmed, get support. Professional support can offer so much too.

I wish you all the best and send you my love and support.

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Soleil11 View Post
Hi Everyone,

I have surgery scheduled with an endometriosis specialist three weeks from today. As it stands I’m scheduled for laparoscopic excision of endometriosis, lysis of adhesions, a hysteroscopy, an appendectomy and possibly a laparoscopic supracervical hysterectomy. As time is going on I’m finding that I’m really, really scared. I’m 30 years old, unmarried and a virgin with no kids. Depending on what they find in surgery I may or may not need a hysterectomy but apparently there’s a good chance I’m dealing with adenomyosis as well as endometriosis and a partial hysterectomy may be my only chance to relieve the terrible, constant pain I live with every day.

Fortunately, I have a really wonderful boyfriend who will be traveling with me for this surgery. He is silently suffering as well as he also has no kids of his own but he’s staying with me and being very supportive. Deep down I know this is the right decision as I’ve had four different opinions by local doctors. I could stay on pain medication and hormones but they’re very ineffective and they make me feel terrible. I’ve also been offered a total hysterectomy with an oophorectomy but I really, really want to keep my ovaries. I feel like, by seeing an endometriosis specialist (and paying for it out-of-pocket), I’m giving myself the very best care I can but it’s still so difficult.

How did you all get through this? How did you deal with the fear and anxiety? Did any of you go into surgery not knowing whether or not you would keep your uterus and, if so, how did you stand not knowing?!? I also think the fact that I’m a virgin is really affecting me. Is there anyone who can speak from that point of view? I’ve lived my whole life trying to respect and care for my body and somehow I’m feeling like I really missed out. Any support you can give would be wonderful! Thanks so much!
  #8  
Unread 11-14-2011, 07:33 AM
Re: Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support need

Thanks so much everyone for all your support. I think all I needed was to have my feelings and fears validated. I almost didn't post on here but I'm very glad I did. I was being pretty hard on myself, which is normal for me. All of your posts validated that this really is a big deal and it's totally ok to be upset about it. I read the posts on this website and feel like everyone has been through so much more than I have. Sometimes it makes me feel like I need to just 'suck it up'. Anyway, the outpouring of support you all just gave me was much needed. Thanks so much!
  #9  
Unread 11-14-2011, 08:14 AM
Re: Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support need

I think many of us question whether or not we should "suck it up"... Being pre-op myself, I hope there's no question in my mind that I did the right thing after it's over and done! I am so glad you have a boyfriend who is as supportive as yours seems to be; my thoughts are with you for the best possible outcome!
  #10  
Unread 12-07-2011, 07:50 AM
Re: Surgery scheduled in 3 weeks…possible hysterectomy…unmarried, virgin…support need

Well, everyone, it's done. I had my laparoscopic surgery last Friday by an endometriosis specialist. He found a significant amount of endo on my bladder, behind both ovaries and in the cul de sac. All of the endo was removed along with my appendix. He also found 'spots' on my uterus but wasn't specific as to what they were (waiting for pathology reports) so my uterus was removed as well.

As surgeons go, he was absolutely wonderful. I cried (mostly from fear) the whole way into the OR but he sat and held my hand and talked to me until I was asleep. I woke up in a panic but the nurses in recovery were wonderful as well. This past Monday I had my post-op before returning home to Michigan and my surgeon gave me a huge hug and said I have a 90% chance of being completely pain free! The hysterectomy still feels surreal and it really hasn't hit me emotionally yet but there is no where to move but forward from here and hopefully it's forward with less pain! Thanks again for all your support.
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