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Feeling melancholy about the hyst Feeling melancholy about the hyst

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Unread 11-14-2011, 03:23 PM
Feeling melancholy about the hyst

I've never had a particularly close relationship with my uterus. It's caused me more than my fair share of pain over the years--pain that I didn't realize was unusual, so I didn't get serious about figuring out what the heck was wrong with me until well into my adulthood.

And, then, they found nothing. They prescribed vicodin and I limped along for another decade or so.

I tried to get pregnant and didn't. I had an hcg and tried to get pregnant some more.

And then I met my Pretty Lady Friend, who's a midwife, and who was appalled to see how much pain I had and what I was doing to cope with it.

So here I am. In less than 72 hours, I'm getting rid of my uterus and all of it's little friends. It never did a **** thing that it was supposed to do for me, it's been nothing but trouble. When I turned 40, I came to terms with the fact that I will never raise a child connected to me genetically.

Yet, I'm melancholy about Thursday's surgery. There's so much tied up in our "parts," societal expectations, familial, social, religious. In the trans community, we sometimes hear, "You're a woman if you have a uterus!"

Now, I know that that's ridiculous, that I am a woman, that there are many different ways to be a woman. Yet I'm haunted, sometimes, by the 25 year old me, arguing that real women have uteruses.

I'll say good-bye, in my way, to the proscribed and non-existent relationship with this part and hope that when I come out of the other side of the procedure, it will be the beginning of being much more productive and in a new kind of peace with my body.
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Unread 11-14-2011, 05:03 PM
Re: Feeling melancholy about the hyst

(((hugs))) to you. My hysterectomy is in one week. I'm ovulating right now, and it hit me with the bittersweet realization that never again will I have the slightest possibility of a pregnancy after next week. I mean, I knew a hysterectomy meant no more babies - but something about the timing of all this, and...yeah. I'll be glad to be on the "other side" - a life with no pain, no bleeding, no passing out, no tears month after month. But it's STILL a melancholy feeling... Your feelings are 100% normal and justifiable. I hope you have an easy recovery and realize soon that it was a decision well worth it.
Unread 11-14-2011, 06:17 PM
Re: Feeling melancholy about the hyst

Hi there -

I had my hysterectomy at 33, and also did not have children of my own. It is a grieving process, and I can't say that there won't be times that it won't hurt, but it helps that you will no longer be in the pain you are in now.

I'm 8 years out from my hysterectomy, and things do seem to work out the way they are supposed to. I was lucky enough to be in a relationship with a man who had 2 great kids that lived with us, and even when that relationship ended, I am close with his kids (who are now grown). My sister has since made me an aunt 3 times, and I love it! I have days where I long for what I can't have, but those days don't come nearly as often now.

It's ok to be sad, have mixed feelings. It's a period of adjusting the visions you may have had for your life, and that isn't always easy. I'm sure the physical relief you will get will help balance things out.

Hugs to you!

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Unread 11-14-2011, 06:39 PM
Re: Feeling melancholy about the hyst

@ Captainebey,

Oh sweetie, women are so much more than a uterus. And if my life had to continue being defined by the pain and bleeding I endured, then I would be in a pretty sad state.

I know I'm older, and supposedly past my prime, but I am no less a woman. I was particularly concerned as to whether I would feel like a woman after my hysterectomy more than three weeks ago. It's bad enough to lose a uterus, but now to have a scar in the middle of my belly because it was so large? I should feel like a dried up prune, right?

Wrong - I am still a woman. My body still reacts like a woman's body and someday I hope to prove that beyond my own explorations. Ladies, there is life beyond the uterus and sanitary supplies. Reach out and embrace it. Rejoice in your new-found freedom and if you can, dance naked in the moonlight. You're beautiful.
Unread 11-14-2011, 06:58 PM
Re: Feeling melancholy about the hyst

There are so many feelings that we go through when it comes to a hysterectomy. All of the feelings are normal. All must be acknowledged.
We need to be able to grieve for what 'could have been'.

Hugs to you and all Sisters.
Unread 11-14-2011, 08:19 PM
Re: Feeling melancholy about the hyst


Completely normal and completely understandable. I think you might be ahead of the game though because your wife understands what you are talking about and those of us with some very dear husbands, well they mean well, but sometimes they just don't get "it". LOL Just try to make a list of the things you'll be able to do and not have to worry about.

I talked about buying all new undies, I came up with a new one yesterday. No more stopping during a walk into the grocery store when a sudden cramp overtakes me and everyone stares and wonders if I just had an accident in my pants. And think about not having to schedule anything around AF at all!! I can't wait for those days. But you take your time and grieve as you should, it is a part of you that you are letting go of and that's something that's important. So do what you need to do and relax, get some post-op pampering and look forward to your life AH, after hyster. It's going to rock!

Unread 11-14-2011, 09:13 PM
Re: Feeling melancholy about the hyst

All of these ladies are right - feeling sad over the loss of your uterus and and ovaries is completely normal. This will take time to digest - and will probably last into your post-op recovery. Allow yourself to mourn the loss. You are with a group of women who really understand what you are going through.

Cyber (((hugs))) to you.
Unread 11-14-2011, 10:10 PM
Re: Feeling melancholy about the hyst

Hugs to you, and good on you for going ahead - I;m sure your life will be amazingly improved not having to revolve it around your girly bits! I am four days post-op after a total abdominal hysterectomy and feeling good so far. Just take it really easy and rest, rest, rest. All the best from me in New Zealand!

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