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13 days to go.  Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence. 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

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Unread 11-30-2011, 11:50 AM
13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

OK, so my surgery is 12/13 and I am starting to get scared. I sat up the other night while everyone was asleep and thought to myself... do I really need to do this? Can't I just deal like I have been doing? The next morning I started to bleed and clot and the pain was even worse and it was like I had my answer.... NO, YOU HAVE TO DO THIS.

I am on progesterone, I am bleeding on and off. I feel like my mood is all over the place... I am more agitated then I would like to be. I am trying to get things ready but also find it hard to be motivated... I go in spurts.

I know it is the right thing, I pray it will be so much better and life will begin like I have never known it to be. But I am also sad... very sad. I (like many of you I am sure) had a heck of a time getting pregnant and staying pregnant. The 5 losses, the infertility, the charting, temping, clomid, pain, surgeries and 7 years of just trying are kinda hard to just let go. I know I am ready, I was more excited before but now I find myself more scared and sad.

I imagine I am not alone... just wondering how you all got through those last two weeks and kept your sanity.

Thanks all...

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Unread 11-30-2011, 12:26 PM
Re: 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

I'm glad I'm not alone. I laid in bed last night tossing and turning asking the same questions. I've wanted this for the past year and found a doctor who agreed that it was the best option. I also have dealt with a loss, infertility, charting, temping, 6 rounds of clomid, and 4 surgeries, and 4 years of trying. Just keep reminding yourself that your quality of life will (I'm not allowing "should be" in my vocabulary only "will be") be better after the surgery (depending on what your problems are). My surgery is scheduled for 12/9 and I'm also getting more and more anxious. I think it's normal to be nervous and have second thoughts about a decision like this.
Unread 11-30-2011, 12:32 PM
Re: 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

Well, I don't have any advice but I do understand how you are feeling. I just decided yesterday to have the SAH & I am scheduled for 12/19. I was really fine & upbeat yesterday. I discussed this with my children so they will be prepared. But today I am really emotional & not focused. I keep saying I am going to just stop thinking about it & get my work done but I can't seem to stop reading this forum ...
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Unread 11-30-2011, 12:52 PM
Re: 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

Thanks for your posts ladies. Always good to know you are not alone. I wish you both luck with your upcoming surgeries and a better quality of life.

I am having a TLH and it is for endo and Adenomyosis (my uterus is the size of a 10 week pregnant lady at the moment I guess). How about you guys? I have had two laps for endo, last one was pretty major with lots of endo and adhesion's and a glued icky mess... my left ovary was glued to my uterus, my bowles were all wrapped up and I just had a mess all over. I have painful sex, sometimes BM'S and very painful clotty periods and when I am not on the pill painful ovulation as well. I always feel bloated, have lower back pain and just tired and crampy. The birth control pills I have taken have not helped, in fact the pain and cramps seem to be worse. I am on my 4th try and this one is the progesterone and I have to say it is the best but still horrible. And, I am getting a sling for my bladder, I did have two successful vag pregnancies and delivery's and I am having issues with leaking when I sneeze, cough and laugh. Strange, seems to be way worse when I am bleeding.

Tell me about your surgery?
Unread 11-30-2011, 06:06 PM
Re: 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

I am having my surgery on Dec 13th too! I'm so glad to know I am not alone! I feel like all of the emotional stress on top of the physical pain we feel daily just wear us down! Good Luck to all you ladies!
Unread 11-30-2011, 06:56 PM
Re: 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

Hi HollyRaye... good luck to you as well. I guess we are all having a hard time huh. So glad to have people to talk to that understand.

Everyone is in bed now and this is the time when I can breathe in and out and cry if I need to and try to destress from the day. I feel bad for the kids as I know I am not the best mom I can be at the moment. Physically I have gotten worse since July and the B.C.P. it is crazy really. But for the past few days... since the fear and just sadness has started to creep in I feel my patience with them is at an all time low. I hope this almost 12 days go fast as I am ready for this feeling to be over.

Only thing to worry about is the medical menopause, I pray we all can get a good hold on it (if you are having everything out) and get levels where they need to be. I am so ready to be over this messy emotional version of myself.
Unread 11-30-2011, 07:15 PM
Re: 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

I've had fibroids since my pregnancy with my son who is now 13. They weren't really bothering me so I didn't bother them. My periods are always long and for the past few years they are abnormally heavy with a lot of clotting. Some days, in the time it takes me to get to work fro home, I have to change underwear. Anyway, my doctor saw that the fibroids have grown a lot since she did my tubal ligation in 2009. One is 9cm & the other is 4.5cm. She said she saw three back in 2009 but the sonogram last week only showed the two, which doesn't mean there isn't a third one in there still.

I'm 42 and do not want to have any more children so I figured the SAH is the way to go. I will be certain that no more fibroids will grow if I have no uterus. MY doctor is doing it abdominally because of the size. My issue today is I am apprehensive about going to the hospital. My mother passed away last December and I have lost other family members this year & I thought I was through with hospitals for a while.

That's my story in a nutshell. I Am confident that we will all feel better once the procedures are over and we are recovering. Being healthy is what is most important.
Unread 11-30-2011, 07:21 PM
Re: 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

Hi Kim, my LAVH is scheduled for january 17 and i am already an emotional disaster. i cant stop thinking about "what if" something goes wrong,,,,,,,, and my mind starts to race with all the possibilities. what if my heart races (im on a beta blocker) and i cant seem to get motivated to get things done so that after surgery, everything is in good order. i know i have plenty of time but, im in a slump already.
Unread 11-30-2011, 08:07 PM
Re: 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

Mine is for endo as well. The Dr. is going to try LAVH but may end up doing TAH. I've been dealing with endo pain since I was 18 (11 years now). I also have PCOS and fibroids. I guess I'm "lucky" in the fact that the largest one is only the size of a baby's fist. I've had 4 laps to remove endo. The 3rd repaired a hydrosalpinx as well and the 4th also had my right ovary and tube removed. Unfortunately for everyone around me my first 3-6 months after the hysterectomy will be hormone free. The doc wants to make sure any endo he misses dries up.
Unread 11-30-2011, 08:42 PM
Re: 13 days to go. Scared, emotional, agitated and no paitence.

Hi All,
I'm in the same place... my emotions are all over the place and I have no patience! I feel like I'm trying to get everything done before the surgery - and I can't keep up with this time clock that keeps ticking away as the date gets closer! I can't sleep, I can't focus - making silly mistakes at work, it's driving me crazy! It was so great to read these posts tonight and know that it's normal, and I'm not alone! Thank you ladies!

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