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Unread 12-05-2011, 04:53 AM
58 days to go

My name is Morgan and I am 34 years old. I am a SSgt in the Air Force and live in Baltimore Maryland with my roommate Kelly (deployed to Afghanistan right now) and 3 cats. I only claim Dior and Issey as Shadow belongs to Kelly. I have been told that January 31st 2012 I will be the last day I will have a uterus and a cervix. This is a countdown to that date. Also what I assume to be my countdown to becoming a cat lady as I have heard if they take a ***** they give you one on the way out of the hospital. Yessss, I can't wait.

I dont know wether or not to start this like a bad episode of Star Trek...... Star date 5 December... journey into the final ******* or a trip down the Hysterectomy Highway but here goes nothing.

I have had issues with my lady parts and have never had a cute name for it but as of right now I will start calling it Her Royal Magesty, Queen of the ****ed (HRM,Q for short) as I feel that she hates me. I have always had painful periods and was diagnosed with endometriosis and put on a wonderful (NOT) medication called Depot Lupron which was HELL in a needle. I was 24 when this happened and I got put into medical menopause for 6 months. The lack of a period was great but the other stuff sucked big time. After the 6 months of excessive weight gain, night sweats, mood swings and hot flashes I became pre-diabetic. I must also note that I have almost always worked a rotating shift schedule which I now have learned has added to my feminine issues. After that I said **** it and I would deal with the pain on my own.

12 years or so ago I started having pretty bad unexplained back pain after a fall on my left hip but no one has been able to figure out. I now understand that my flipped cervix and jacked up uterus can be adding to that by putting pressure on my nerves in my back. Cool. Not only is my messed up hoo hah causing me pain in the front but in the back as well. **** you HRM,Q you suck. Also being flipped has had its funny parts... once a doctor shut the speculum ON my cervix and I told him that "hey buddy I need that for later" and my regular doctor was like "where the **** is it? I might need the jaws of life for this sucker" (Dr. R. rocks!)

I have had a sneaking suspicion that after my last MRI in October where they found some fibroids, cysts and a Leiomyoma that a hysterctomy was in my near future. My Grandmere died from a leiomyosarcoma and I have just been waiting for "my cancer" as every woman in my family has had some type of cancer except for my cousin and I.

The first time the H word was brought up to me was about 12 years ago right before I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was told that I should get a double mascectomy and a full hysterectomy since cancer ran in my family and I might have the cancer "genes". Note to everyone.... do not tell the Male OB/GYN that he should cut his nuts off if he has testicular cancer in his family. He didnt like that too much.
*** sidenote... I do NOT like male OB/GYNs. How can you explain to me why I have pain when you dont have the same freaking parts as me? Also being told the "pain is in your head" by someone with a penis makes me want to punch them in it and ask where is the pain now *******?

I had my appointment with Dr. <> at Bethesda National Naval Medcial Center on the 2nd of December. She is awesome but a horrible artist. According to her, my uterus looks like a light bulb.
Now prior to this appointment I was at work talking with my friend Karen. I brought up that this may be "the appointment" and we started discussing if you get to choose which parts to keep. I didnt realize that you can keep your ovaries and just get rid of your uterus and vice versa. I think that is cool. I did ask Dr. <> what happens to the eggs since they will have no way to go.... I didnt want to get a new party trick "Come one, come all watch Morgan shoot egss out of her hoo hah" as I already have some pretty cool tricks of my own up my sleeve since all I do is work, make jewelry and dress up my roommates cat. Ok when I say it out loud I seem to have a sad existence but I have fun doing all of that so Im pretty freaking cool.
Dr. <> assured me that I would not be able to shoot eggs out of my snatch so I was relieved. I also asked her what the chances were of a prolapse of my bladder or anything since I dont know what the hell goes on up in there and figured that my cervix was kind of like the cork on a bottle of wine. She said that wont happen in most cases.

That is what I am afraid of.... most cases.... For those of you who dont know me. I am UNLUCKY AS ****. My cat popped my stitches from vascular surgery leaving me with a hole in my leg, I broke BOTH ELBOWS in a freak roller skating accident, I got MRSA from the gym while trying to get in a shape other than round and squishy and when I quit smoking I gained weight, cant breathe while working out and now need a hysterectomy. I think I was being held together from the tar from the newports I smoked.

I will probably have body parts falling out left and right but maybe I can get the wonderful trans vaginal mesh I keep seeing on the class action law suit commercials.... AND I will have a screen door on the porch of loneliness. SCORE!!!

So with my fears smoothed I moved on to scheduling my surgery. It has been scheduled for 31 January 2012. Upon telling my mother (who has no grandkids) she was cool with it. So cool in fact that she called my little brother to tell him the "court is in your balls now". This is my family.

Well I'm off to make jewelry and think about my next post.
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Unread 12-05-2011, 10:10 AM
Re: 58 days to go

Hi Morgan,
Well-what can I say--welcome to the club! I am a crazy dog lady (I have 4), while I love cats my dogs do not so I have to enjoy them at someone else's house.

Will you have help after the surgery? I am asking because you mentioned that your roommate is currently deployed and you will definitely need assistance.

What type of surgery are you having? The different types could help you determine the amount of time that you need someone around to help you out. Did your surgeon mention the type (ie DaVinci, vaginal, abdominal, laparoscopic)?

I quit smoking 6 months ago, how long has it been for you? I smoked for almost 30 years and have had multiple surgeries but this one has been the easiest in that I didn't feel like I needed to run outside every hour or so for a nicotine fix.
Unread 12-05-2011, 10:45 AM
Re: 58 days to go

They are not sure which way they are going to take it out. Should find out soon though. My mom will be there as well as some of my coworkers. I smoked for 17 years give or take and quit cold turkey after a week long stay in the hospital due to MRSA.
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Unread 12-05-2011, 10:49 AM
58 days to go

Hey Morgan!!
I love your personality!! You sounded like me the other night when I was in the ER for pain. Scard-ee is right, you do need to have someone stay with you, or you need to stay with someone for at least the first week.
I wish you both the best, as my TLH is in T minus 2 days....
If you want to chat, let me know!
Unread 12-05-2011, 10:55 AM
Re: 58 days to go

Thanks I was wondering how long I would have to put up with my mother. I love her but she is very emotional and will probably be holding daily remembrance and memorial services for my dearly departed uterus.
Unread 12-05-2011, 11:14 AM
58 days to go

I figure I will commemorate mine by getting a tattoo of it pierced on the end of a stake dangling above an open fire. ;-)
Best wishes!!!
Unread 12-05-2011, 11:22 AM
Re: 58 days to go

See Crimson.... Therein lies the problem. I already have a tattoo that says "Rays of Sunshine" from hip bone to hip bone (for real) and was thinking about getting thunder clouds and lightening bolts over that.... Plus I can now get THUG LIFE tatted on my stomach ala Tupac Shakur. Lmaoooo..
I am going to have as much fun as possible with this experience because crying about it isn't going to make my uterus start liking me
Unread 12-06-2011, 09:04 PM
Re: 58 days to go

Hey Morgan,
I just wanted to make sure you knew you could put your hysterectomy on your disability claim when you get out of the service if you are currently on active duty. I am an Iraq war Veteran and now I work with other Veteran's helping them get all the benefits they are entitled to. My hysterectomy is December 12th, good luck!!!
Thank you for your service!
Unread 12-07-2011, 05:13 AM
Re: 58 days to go

Thanks Cheryl... Yeah I think it's 50%... My mom is a retired Senior Chief and is 90% with the VA.

On another note, I have been told that my way of dealing with MY hysterectomy through comedy has offended some people. I apologize but the way I see it, it's not the end of MY world and if it was healthy I would not have to get it taken out. I have had 3 miscarriages and had my daughter at 5.5 months and she died 2 weeks later. So I have been through worse and comedy is my way to deal with it.
Unread 12-07-2011, 10:58 AM
58 days to go

I too take the route of comedy and saracasm. It makes me feel better knowing that I can joke about it. Sure some people will get offended, but I don't care. This is our journey and we are dealing with it the best way we can.
I think you have an amazing personality and I thuroughly enjoyed the laughs since we've both been posting. Thank you for being you. 😃

On another note, I'm due to arrive at the hospital by 14:15 today and I'm pretty sure I'll be riding the imaginary horsie around 16:00. Yee Haw! Ride 'em Cowgirl!! 🐎
The fear hasn't set in yet. Maybe it will, hopefully it won't. My late surgery has earned me an overnight stay though. Yum!! I'm starving and I can't wait for hospital food! Don't be jealous 😉


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