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Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas? Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

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Unread 12-14-2011, 09:28 AM
Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

People keep asking me why I am not waiting until after Christmas to have the surgery. It doesn't usually bother me but my 21-yr-old daughter asked me again last night & being all emotional now, it got me thinking. My original plan was to have it on 12/26 but the hospital will not schedule elective surgeries on that day or the day after New Year's. Since my doctor only schedules surgeries for Monday's, my choice was 12/19 (week before Christmas) or 1/9.

I think the anxiety of waiting until January would have been more difficult than I am willing to deal with. Also, I know my doctor said I will be out for 2 - 4 weeks. However, if I have to be out longer, this is really the best time. Things are pretty slow - I have no deadlines coming up - I won't be terribly missed in the office. The other thing I considered is that my children are not young - 21 & 13 - so me not being up & about on Christmas day shouldn't be so bad. As it is, my son will be with his dad from Thursday and he will come home in the afternoon on Christmas. This month marks the first anniversary of my mother's death and our family tradition used to be to have dinner at her house. Honestly, I am just tired. I knew I had health issues but I ignored them because my mother was ill last year & my cousin was ill this year. So now, I am taking care of my health.
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Unread 12-14-2011, 09:33 AM
Re: Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

I don't think you're being selfish at all. Your family should be more understanding of what you have suffered and be supportive of you taking care of yourself. Looking after yourself is more important than one Christmas day. I am sure you will have many more wonderful days to come!
Unread 12-14-2011, 09:52 AM
Re: Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

I had mine 3 days before Christmas. The only thing different that Christmas was that I just lay on the couch and watched the festivities. My husband did the cooking, with help from our then 17, 16, and 14 year olds. Personally I think it would of been selfish of them had they asked me to wait until after Christmas.

You are not being selfish at all!! You do not have to justify when or why you are having the surgery. You are the one who has been dealing with the health issues. You'll be back up to snuff next Christmas.

Take care of you and Happy Healing!!!
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Unread 12-14-2011, 11:09 AM
Re: Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

Hi Shahlex! We are both having surgery the same day! Countdown time!
I purposely scheduled mine for Dec. 19th. My kids are older, 19 & 20, and will be home for college break to help out. My husband also annually has 2-3 weeks off around Christmas. So I thought it would be a GREAT time to do it, with all the help around I can get for a month or so!

I get twinges of guilt here and there; they're both coming home from college to take a break, and here I will be incapacitated. We usually get together when they come and do fun activities and such, I will miss that. But, then I think, wow--this will be a great time to spend some really quality "home time" with everyone (albeit I will not be feeling great) and will get a chance to snuggle with my kids in my bed and have them read to me (they used to LOVE to do that), etc. My daughter is a pre-nursing student and is excited as she gets to be my temperature and blood pressure taker, my medication schedule keeper, etc. LOL And my son is the one who loves to read and read and read--if I am in pain and not sleeping well the soothing sound of his voice will most surely lull me to sleep within minutes.

I have made a "short list" of my top priorities for hubby to keep an eye on--like not letting the kids drive if the weather is bad (they are horrible at keeping up with the weather! And these winters here are horrid! So I've always been the "weather advisor" LOL), making sure the dog gets out twice a day, and basically do not let me awake to a messy house. LOL I've worked so hard the past month getting things in order, and I'd like to keep it that way as much as possible. LOL I am so OCD, even if I'm not feeling well, I will be dusting and mopping if they drag snow in--so hubby is in charge of keeping the college kids "in line" for me this Christmas break.

So NO, do not feel guilty! We will be able to enjoy the holidays, just a much slower pace and I think after all these years of all the Christmas stress and shopping and cooking, etc. ONE Christmas to myself to enjoy being pampered by my family and taking care of myself is NOT too much to ask and same for you!

Best wishes on the 19th; it's nice to know other "princesses" are out there doing the same thing--I never feel alone when coming to this site.
Unread 12-14-2011, 11:17 AM
Re: Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

I too put my health on the back bar for a while because of some issues going on in my family. I don't feel selfish at all. I am very much a people pleaser and always take care of my family. There comes a time when you have to take care of you, or you won't be able to take care of everyone else. If you feel good about your choice, then go with it. You deserve it!(:
Unread 12-14-2011, 11:53 AM
Re: Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

Hi girls...

My surgery date will surely impact our usual Christmas here too. I had a last minute cancellation which took back 9 days of my pre Christmas recovery time. Now that I am scheduled for Dec 16th time is a bit of a push. Our adult daughters arrive on the 21st of December. We usually have an active holiday - sometimes travelling to a resort or Vegas with them. If we stay around here we uaully at least go to Niagara Falls or something. I am usually the chief cook and organizer - as said above university kids come home for a break. This year will be different. We are calling it "pajama Christmas" and will only plan one day at a time. Hubby and I have filled the house with everything we will need (tons of easy appies, snacks and such). We have a king size bed and a tv/dvd player in our room. I am looking forward to having them here for 10 days for the recovery company. I was upset about the delay as I would have been feeling probably much better with 9 days more recovery but do I feel guilty? Absolutely not... best wishes to you all!
Unread 12-14-2011, 02:15 PM
Re: Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

Having my surgery Dec 21. I am just ready to get it over, some anxiety. I don't feel selfish and you shouldn't either. Just one of those things we have to do. I too wanted to schedule after Christmas but due to my husbands crazy hours, it was better that I do it before. I have two girls, 12 and 14(on Dec 18) and arranged for them to be at grandparents for Christmas since that is all they have known for Christmas. We always go there. I guess I'm ok with it all because of the drama created by my inlaws this year and I'd rather not be there. So Christmas day I will be relaxing with hubby at home.
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Unread 12-14-2011, 02:31 PM
Re: Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

I don't think you are selfish at all. However, I think it is natural to feel a little guilty about it.

My mother, father, and I always travel to the beach for Christmas and New Year's. This is the first year that we won't be doing that since my surgery is the 16th. I have apologized to them, but I told them that this is my holiday present to myself. I'm going to feel better and next year I'll be able to enjoy the holidays so much more without the pain, bleeding, bloating, etc.
Unread 12-14-2011, 02:46 PM
Re: Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

I just had my surgery on 12-08-2011 and I plan that day because my husband have time off during this time where he can be home to help. My husband and kids have been very supportive even though they know I'm going to be down for the holidays.

So do not feel that you are being selfish you need to take care of yourself.
Unread 12-14-2011, 05:58 PM
Re: Am I selfish for having surgery before Christmas?

No you are not being selfish. You need to do what is best for your body. If your family is not being supportive they are being selfish.

I just had my SAH Monday. My family has been wonderful!

Stick to your guns. Take care of you. Keep us posted as to how things go.

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