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Impending helplessness Impending helplessness

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Unread 12-19-2011, 01:46 PM
Re: Impending helplessness

Originally Posted by IrishWife View Post
I have a bit before my surgery. One thing I've always been able to count on is the ability to care for myself. I rarely ask for help, partially cause my husband is kinda unreliable. When I do ask for help I have to ask a half dozen times, and still end up doing it myself 50% of the time.

(children mentioned below)
Reading threads and the F.A.Q.'s has made me feel like I'm going to be rather helpless. Its topping the the list of things that are going to be the most upsetting. I'm not going to have much in options for help. I have three children, 9,4,1 and my hubby will only be home his normal time off as the company he works for will be difficult at best. I have no family near by, except his parents, whom I dont dare ask for help as they babysit the niece and tend to get cranky when we ask them to babysit. My friends work. I'm really feeling hopeless. There will be no rest for me really. The more I think about it, the more upset I am.

I suppose these feeling are normal... I really want to find peace in this decision.
Reading you post upsets me as I don't like to think of you worrying about how you are going to care for 'yourself' after surgery. My husband has had 3 weeks off and really been a big help. Mind you, he has only done the washing and anything else I have asked him to do, he does not see the dust bunnies or the dirty toilets etc so I just put up with that, they can be done when I am allowed to do that stuff. When I came home from hospital I felt really good, the pain was easily managed with a panadol. What is hard is staying down when you are meant to be resting and also not carrying stuff, that is hard. If I were you I would be getting the surgeons office to send the post op literature to your husband about what you can and can't do. Make sure he sees everything that mentions you need to rest and recover. If possible get him into speak to your GP and let them fill him in one on one. As for the kids they are more capable than you know, get them to help you out and definitely do not carry your one year old, this is much too heavy and you could tear your stitches and end back in hospital. Good luck
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Unread 12-19-2011, 05:38 PM
Re: Impending helplessness your husband take off from his job for a week or two?that would be the ticket if he could,just a thought..
Unread 12-19-2011, 07:22 PM
Re: Impending helplessness

I coped on my own, because I live alone, and I paid a former neighbour/friend to vacuum for me, and did all the preparations I possibly could in terms of food, stock-piling supplies, etc.

BUT I don't have kids (just a cat).

Someone earlier suggested you get your kids into doing housework, offering them incentives, etc. They can really get into this!
One of my workmates has a big family with little ones as well as teenagers, and they all have tasks to do, and the older ones helped out from an early age. I have to say those teenagers are all outstandingly nice, mature, sociable and civilized!

When I was a young kid my mother had to go into hospital for a while and beforehand she got me into doing housework for the first time in my life. I loved it, took great pride in it (to her surprise!) and got praised and rewarded for it.
AND I kept it up long after she got home.

Hey - your kids could shame your DH into being helpful around the house!
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Unread 12-20-2011, 01:25 AM
Re: Impending helplessness

I am in the same boat.. I had a TVH on Dec 13... I tried to sweep my kitchen 2 days later, and I started pouring...You will be able to walk much as u want... Just no sweeping, vacuming, mopping, pushing buggies, or lifting over 10 pounds... My husband and son are great at helping me with the chores... I also have 3 kids 12,8,5, so they help out when they can also..Good Luck

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