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to be visited or not, that is the question? to be visited or not, that is the question?

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  #1  
Unread 12-29-2011, 06:57 AM
to be visited or not, that is the question?

Everyone keeps referring to visiting me in the hospital after my surgery. Though i am one who likes to be left alone when I'm sick or in pain. (I guess i feel more free to whine to my cat, or the walls) and i don't think i will want visitors. I know me, i know i will feel the need to ask about them, or not be rude and hear how that test went. Or the picture little junior drew, or well you get what I'm saying. But I'm already loathing the idea of trying to be hospitibal from my post op bed. I mentioned making freezers meals and friends are so eager to bring me food. Which is great. And i don't wanna be choosey. And i know i will recover alone, as i live alone. But at the same time, maybe i will want company. And i seriously appreciate everyones concern and desire to take care of me. But even as a child if i had the flu or sonething, i would preferred to be alone. Some people like someone to hold their hand, me, i would really preceded to snuggle under a nice blanket, close the shades, and rest. But i also know i might need help. (See my conflict?) How do i nicely tell everyone, leave me alone after surgery unless i call you. The more i think on it, the more i would preferred to make myself freezers meals and just be equipped to rest in a nice quiet apartment. I already retreat home when I'm in pain with all my symptoms now. But i appreciate their thought and effort. And most of my friends are lion or otter personalities. I am so golden retriever/beaver down the middle. (Google the animal personality, or just otter personality or what not. Basically I'm loyal and a worker! Otters are party people, love attention, and lions are leaders.) Our personalities are drawn to each others, but i am not one who would want to feel the desire to inquirer, council, or even refrain from whining because their, in all good intent "visiting." If any of that makes any sense.

Tina
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  #2  
Unread 12-29-2011, 07:11 AM
Re: to be visited or not, that is the question?

I dont know how many days you are scheduled to stay, but there were so many staff members coming into my room around the clock, I was never at a loss for someone to talk to. Not to mention I was so drugged up, I fell asleep every 1/2 hour... soooo not much of a conversationalist
Having people come by after youre home will be very helpful.... if youre lucky enough to have people bring meals or be willing to pass the vacuum, even better. Im day ten post op and pretty bored.... news from the outside world is very welcomed at this point. I find myself practically interrogating my husband about every moment of his workday so I can at least live vicariously through him, lol.
Best wishes for an easy procedure and speedy recovery <3
  #3  
Unread 12-29-2011, 07:17 AM
Re: to be visited or not, that is the question?

The first few days following surgery, you will really need someone there to help you regardless. Depending on how you feel after those couple of days you can simply tell your friends that you spend much of your time resting/sleeping so when you are up for company you will let them know. There is nothing wrong doing that, just keep in mind that you will need help for a little while afterwards. Good luck

Tracy
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  #4  
Unread 12-29-2011, 07:54 AM
Re: to be visited or not, that is the question?

Tina,
Do you have a relative, or friend who will be at the hospital the day of your surgery? I am married, but I didn't want anyone else there the day of my surgery, and even found an excuse to keep my parents away....but, one of my two best friends..a lion, by the way, made all the arrangements with her husband and parents to be able to be there that day...didn't ask..but told me she was coming. I didn't like the idea..and was horrified at her leaving her family and driving two hours away to sit in a waiting room of a hospital...BUT...
She was awesome...I am so thankful she was there. She gave me somone to talk to in the nervous 2 hours of waiting before my surgery. My freaked out husnband was no help...he isn't good in hospitals, and gets really worried if I am sick. So my friend being there was good. Then also she gave my husband support during the longer than expected wait for me to be out of surgery etc. Once I was out, and into my room, she left fairly quickly...and it was perfect. So there is an idea of how one of your Lion friends could be a help and support.

Otherwise, I agree with the other posters who know what you may not...you will absolutely need someone, or several someones to be caretakers for the first week...at least to stop in once a day and do the things you cannot. You wont be allowed to lift anything more than a gallon of milk....you wont WANT to lift that gallon, it hurts.

Plus there are so many other things that you wouldn't think of that you wont really be able to do for yourself. My first two days home, my husband stayed with me...then for the next 4 or 5 days, I had a friend or pair of friends stop in each day at around lunch time...they brought lunch, helped with what needed doing, we ate together, then I hobbled back to bed....and they would let themselves out or if I was feeling good, see them out shortly after lunch.

Just an idea...I hope your recovery is smooth, and I hope you will let those friends help you.....those lions especially....they need to be needed...I know ...I am a lion...and we feel needed and trusted when you let us help! LOL

Best Wishes Tina!
  #5  
Unread 12-29-2011, 08:41 AM
Re: to be visited or not, that is the question?

I told EVERYONE before my surgery to not visit me. I was just upfront about it. I said I will be in pain and drugged up and would appreciate being left alone until I feel like trying to entertain visitors.

I also told everyone the same for visiting me at home. I told them I would not be "up" to getting in & out of bed to let anyone in and surely wouldn't be "up" to sitting up for extended periods. I did tell them that I'd call if I needed anything & will call to let them know I was doing ok. I told everyone that my phone will be shut off most of the time so I can rest & not to panic if I didn't answer.

I had TAH, went in on a Mon, came home Wed morning. My husband took me home and went right back to work. He didn't take time off to stay with me & I was fine to fend for myself. I was able to get a shower on my own, pop a frozen dinner or soup in the microwave, let the cat out, what seemed like 50 times a day & get myself something to drink. I just had to go very slow but I was fine.

I wasn't able to even speak louder than a loud whisper for almost two weeks because my stomach was very sore, so yeah, I appreciated the quiet time & being left alone. I barely spoke to my husband for almost 3 weeks.

Honestly, I didn't care if I hurt anyone's feelings. Its better to offend now than to be rude later. Your family & friends will get over it. Mine did.
  #6  
Unread 12-29-2011, 09:29 AM
Re: to be visited or not, that is the question?

I too didn't want anyone in the hospital besides the Hubs with me. He didn't want anyone with him either as he waited. He had it all planned out, his computer and music and he could just focus on work and listening while he waited. I told the MIL, SIL and my own parents that but did they listen? NO! I had the biggest fight with my mother the night before (mind you I could not sleep or eat for about 2 weeks prior to the surgery due to the anxiety of it all) so I blew up at her saying I didn't want to see anyone and the Hubs wanted to be left alone. We had a massive email list to go out on how I was doing and everything. I know I hurt a few feelings and that caused more stress on me but I was absolutely no company that first day. My surgery was at 7am and I stayed in the hospital 2 nights. Even my own sister came out that night and I felt terrible. Oh well, what can you do. The family left after I was out of surgery thank goodness cause I was a drugged up mess. Grant it, that's what you want--sleep it off!!! But I would have been terrible to look at. It took a while for everyone to "forgive me" but too bad. This was my first surgery and I didn't feel like throwing up in front of anyone. Thank goodness I didn't. I was lucky--the Hubs took 2 weeks off to help me and you do need someone the first couple of days to help you out, but depending on your physical fitness and healing ability friends and family to help afterwards is nice. Good luck with your surgery. It sounds like you have everything pretty organized. I can't wait to see your posts when you are on the other side of the castle. It's great here, I'm 16 days post opt and feeling great! Hugs!!!
  #7  
Unread 12-29-2011, 09:39 AM
Re: to be visited or not, that is the question?

I asked everyone to please call before coming to make sure I was up to company, as I would need my rest. That way if they call, you can tell them you are napping if you are not feeling up to company. Also if you need anything, they can bring it for you!
  #8  
Unread 12-29-2011, 10:43 AM
Re: to be visited or not, that is the question?

Lots of great suggestions, thanks ladies. I'll be using a few of these ideas...

I'm thankful knowing my husband will have someone there to talk to him while he waits. Cause I know a few that won't listen to "no"... but I've already told him "whoever isn't there, must call first"
  #9  
Unread 12-29-2011, 05:04 PM
Re: to be visited or not, that is the question?

Thanks girls. Looks like i might offend a few peoples. but seriously, i know the thought is nice, and i really appreciate it. But i know i don't want people seeing me that way. I have always wanted to be alone even as a kid with a bug. Now my sister on the other hand would scream for someone on the hour. We are so opposite! I wish i could come home to no help! :/ but i did start a care calendar, thinking if one friend stopped over every day, they could scoop litter, and take garbage out, etc... i also sm the kind of person who decided to attempt to push a couch.up s flight of stairs and tore my trapizuis muscle in my back. Ooops!! Guess it best someone stop in everyday to help for a bit. I guess its nerves! I keep going back n forth. From letting deaconesses bring meals, to being convinced i can live off delivery, to even "the store is across the street. I got this!!" Ugh, i guess i don't know what i want. I just want it to.go as smooth as it can.

Tina
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