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undecided about having my sweetie at hospital undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

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Unread 12-31-2011, 02:16 AM
undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

Several of my friends have asked me if my sweetheart will be with me when I go for my surgery. I realise this is a kind of "personal" decision. He is really kind and thoughtful, and has told me that if I do want him there he will be there, but is leaving it up to me.

I just cannot decide if that would make me feel better, more brave, to have him there before I go down that hallway, or if it would be awful to have him there afterwards, if I will be too dopey and battered to even know that he was there at all? I wonder if it will be like my D&C, where I was awake and aware fairly soon afterwards, or if it will be something very different, since it will be a much longer and more major operation

I keep changing my mind, I'd love to have him there before, but dread him seeing me all out of it and in pain. I feel like everything about this surgery is so out of my control, and even this one thing that I can have a choice about I cannot choose! because of not knowing what it will be like on the other side of the operation. And, of course, I know that there is no way to know what it will be like beforehand...
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Unread 12-31-2011, 02:50 AM
Re: undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

It made me feel so much better knowing there was someone waiting to greet me on the other side. The person waiting for me was my husband, but I would have wanted him there even if we weren't married. He didn't stay long after - only a few minutes before I drifted off again, but I remembered him there and it meant the world to me - still does.

My opinion: I would say if your relationship is serious, have him there. With luck, the staff will be on top of your pain meds so seeing you in pain will not be a problem. I've had menstrual cramps more painful than my post surgery twinges. A strong relationship is not damaged by post surgery dopey moments, pale skin and messy hair - in fact it can be good for a laugh later on.
Unread 12-31-2011, 02:51 AM
Re: undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

Hi there,

My opinion...have him there before surgery, but not after. It's nice to have someone there before the surgery for support. After the surgery you will be so out of it and you will need your rest. I slept almost the entire time. You are in my prayers.

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Unread 12-31-2011, 03:41 AM
Re: undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

I think if you have a wonderful relationship and he comforts you, it could be a moment of great bonding between you and a special moment in your relationship. He might provide a source of familiarity and love when you wake. I believe that having someone with you can lessen the perception of pain. As to how you will feel after: there is a period of disorientation after any surgery, but I personally remembered immediately as the anesthesia wore off that I was in the hospital and had had a hysterectomy. That alone was enough to wake me and keep me pretty aware. I think it depends on your individual circumstance.

That said, if you are unsure at all - of how he'll react, of how you will feel, if he will truly be comforting, if you are worried about being dopey - I would err on the side of caution and say no. In this case, especially, I would consult my heart. What are your feelings telling you?

Though I was married at the time of my hysterectomy, my husband and I were not in a great place. It would have caused me additional stress to see him when I felt so vulnerable, so I asked him not to be there when I woke. If we had been in a better place in our relationship, I would have wanted him there while I was waiting to go in. That is a lonely time.

Instead, I prepared a special (nonbreakable) photo cube with pictures of my children, and asked the nurses to give it to me when I awoke. It was exactly what I needed. Of course, they had to put a bar code on it, with my name and what-not, and I would never use photos that could not be replaced, in case of loss.

You already sound so brave - I know it is frightening, but whether your significant other is there or not, you will have the support of the nurses, and doctor, and the anesthesiologist. And all of us, who have been there before. You really are not alone.

In love and light,
Unread 12-31-2011, 04:00 AM
Re: undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

My soon to -be-ex-husband was there after surgery and it was great. Remember they love you
Unread 12-31-2011, 07:41 AM
Re: undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

I would suggest talk to your sweetie and get his vibes on it. Tell him your concerns and see how he feels. Personally I couldn't imagine going through this without seeing the Hubs face before and after. You'll be very sleepy when you come out of it and my Hubs basically said I slept most of the day. No weird talking at all. But if anything I hope your sweetie or someone is there for you when you come home. Rest, rest, rest with helpbis what you'll want and need. Good luck and cyber hugs to you!
Unread 12-31-2011, 08:06 AM
Re: undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

I agree with what many of the prior posters said... if your relationship is one that is serious, this can be a really good thing. Even though I remember very little after they started the 'drip' before surgery up to when i came out of it afterwards, it was nice to know he was there. And he did give me peace of mind that I wasn't rambling on to strangers. Additionally, because the hospital was very busy the day I was there, it was nice to know somone was 'there' in the room even when I was 'dozing'. Also, he stayed with me in the room almost the entire day after surgery which was great because he was able to pass me the chapstick, fill my water/ice cup, and just smile at me when I woke up and looked around. I am so amazed that even after almost 20 years of marriage I think it made us closer. (not to mention he got to experience my hallucinations on the strong pain meds and we laugh about it still.)

Just my thoughts as I know I went through a similar process..do I want him there when I'm only going to be sleeping? do I want him to see me at my worst? Answers....yes and yes!!!

good luck!!
Unread 12-31-2011, 10:54 AM
Re: undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

I had a friend stay with me at the hospital and it was really helpful. I was by myself pre-op, which was fine. However, she was invaluable if I needed help getting water or getting something out of reach. It was also good to have the company because it may be hard to sleep. Whoever goes with you should be someone you're comfortable with seeing you not in your best state. It also depends on how you feel. Some women want to be left alone when they're in pain, while others find company helpful during that time. If you like company, I would ask.
Unread 12-31-2011, 09:33 PM
Re: undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

My husband is wonderful, but he cannot stand to see me hurt in any way. Seeing me wheeled away is very hard for him. I suggested that,since my mother and sister had flown up to help post op, that he should just go into work and let my sister fill him in when I was out. It was perfect. He was not forced to be strong for me and he got to see me less loopy when he came to see me after work. He's just adorable. This worked great for us.
Unread 12-31-2011, 11:05 PM
Re: undecided about having my sweetie at hospital

I was very glad DH was there for me before and after surgery. I was glad to not be alone while I waited to go in. I remember waking briefly in recovery and then I remember waking in my room and he was there he bought me earrings while I was in surgery and gave them to me when I woke. I have vague memories of this. I was much much dopier than I was after my D&C. He took a pic of me with his iPhone and emailed it out to my family to let them know I was okay. It was the worst pic of me ever, I looked terrible!

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