Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much? | HysterSisters
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Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much? Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

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Unread 12-31-2011, 04:42 AM
Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

Hi there im 5wks4days post op, my recovery wasnt so gd at start but felt it was gettin better able to walk bit more and do light housework, but few days ago my partner decided he fed up now im lookin better so i should be doin more,he wants ly in instead of me always gettin it,and he wantd sexual relations... thought id just give him it but ive been really achy since now today he refused to get up with our 18mnth old so ive had to do it all from lift lil man out his cot,cleanout our coal fire,and clean while he stayd in bed.......Have i done too much? im sore but not agony? im strugglin to cope with insomnia and flushes at night can any1 help as not allowd hrt til i off clexine injections as lupus pos..........
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Unread 12-31-2011, 09:16 AM
Re: Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

I am scared to have sex before my 6 week mark... Sounds like ur husband needs a Lil "grit ball"....I would have made my husband pack and leave so fast just for being insensitive... If u lifted u son and had sex u def done too much... Hope and pray u have not done any irreversible damage... Happy New Year
Unread 12-31-2011, 09:32 AM
Re: Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

5 weeks is not that long. From what I've seen, many doctors leave lifting restrictions in place for 6 weeks. Even after my restrictions were lifted, I was still pretty limited in what I could do without pain. I had several times where I overdid things after 6 weeks and had several days of pain afterward. Unfortunately, not all family, friends and co-workers accept the length of time that it takes to heal. In these cases, I have to be very direct and say I can't do that yet, I'm still having pain. If needed, you can follow up by saying that some women heal slower that 6+ weeks does not mean that you're done. With an 18 month old in the house, you've probably had extra demands on the reovery process.
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Unread 12-31-2011, 09:40 AM
Re: Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

Angelwit it really sounds like you need to slow down and rest. I only joined this forum today but I have seen everywhere that "you only have one chance to heal". This is so true. There is also a section somewhere called "MisterSisters" that has printable sheets for you to give to your partner so he can appreciate what hard work your body is doing.

Please try and rest.
Unread 12-31-2011, 11:10 AM
Re: Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

Honestly, who cares if he is mad. He doesn't care enough about you to behave decently so let him be mad. My dh and I had a fight about his kids trashing the house right after I had my surgery. Since they were supposed to go to their mom's anyway I told him he needed to take them as soon as school was out and leave them there until the end of vacation.

They did come home a little early but he lectured them on the hour ride home about not trashing the house. So far not bad although he has been running around cleaning up after them. I also set my foot down about them having a houseful of friends over. I don't want a bunch of teens running around the house.

While men can be slow at getting things most of them do get it. Stand up for yourself and refuse to give in to his whining.

Take it easy for a few days and heal up. Lifting your baby is probably not a good idea, especially if it is causing you any pain. Is there a way you can get him out of his bed without you lifting?
Unread 12-31-2011, 11:18 AM
Re: Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

Angelwit -

I am sorry to hear that you are not getting the support that you need. If your Dr. did not release you for intercourse you need to call him / her and tell them what happened. They are the only ones that can determine if any damage was done.

You should check out the MisterHysterSisters site and print out soem material for your husband to read or go to the video section and find a video on an abdominal hysterectomy and have him watch it so that he can understand what was done.

You should not be increasing your lifting without your Dr. giving you the okay.

For abdominal hysterectomies initial recovery is in that 6/8 week period with full recovery going out 12 months. This doesn't mean that you won'tbe able to increase your activity but that for 12 months you may experience periods of fatigue you would not consider normal.

If at all possible call in someone to help you out if your husband won't step up to the task. As mentioned you only get once chance to heal.

Unread 12-31-2011, 11:21 AM
Re: Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

You shold tell you husband to get a grip or pack up! Thats what i did! They forget we had surgery! I havent had sex in 9 weeks and im still not ready! Its hard to remember that we still needs lots of rest and we are not suppose to have alot of stress! Its hard to cope w all this! However you need to heal heal heal!! As for the hubby ask him if he had rather u be back in the Hospital over sex or if he had rather have you safe and healthy?
Good lucck and hold your ground sis
Unread 12-31-2011, 01:21 PM
Re: Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

I wish I could "like" every statement u ladies just posted.... We do only have one time to heal correctly.... I would rather take that time and heal properly verses having trouble later... I am sure all of our husbands are a Lil sexually frustrated, but most of us are too... I thank God everyday for sending me a husband that is the type that has lectured me on trying to do to much instead of pressuring me to do things...Ladies have any of u saw the iPhone app for post hysterectomy health??? There are some great light exercises that we can do to help us gradually gain strength back...
Unread 12-31-2011, 06:15 PM
Re: Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

I think all the husbands are frustrated just as much as us, some of them can handle it better others can not....but ultimately it comes down to your personal relationship and in every relationship there are compromises...maybe it can be worked out as to sharing responsibility, example if you clean the coal out into a bucket he would empty it, or can you aid in getting your 18 month out of the crib, maybe get the mattress on the floor and teach them that mommy has an owie and maybe they can climb up next to you on the couch for snuggling instead of picking up...etc... but it is your relationship so we do not know everthing but definitely have a long talk the two of you and explain how things are and how you still hurt doing things, show him that internally it is not completely healed, make an appt with dr or have him come to your 8 week check if you have one,

I hope you feel better...and hubby can learn how to help

hear to a healthy New Year for you and yours....
Unread 12-31-2011, 07:12 PM
Re: Have i done too much,partner fed up now!! what are signs of doin too much?

i hate you're going thru all of this.i'll be 7 weeks post-op monday and i know i am not ready for sex.i have been working and doing housework but i am still in pain.my hubby wasnt all that understanding but i have really gotten on his butt and told him if he didnt quit his crap then i'd divorce him.i told him if he'd had procedure he'd still have his big butt in the bed and i'd be waiting on him hand and foot.tell your man to straighten up and be firm.show him your incision.you dont need to be lifting anything really heavy and your body will let you know.be careful to get fully better and not mess yourself up for life. hugs

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