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feeling like nobody understands feeling like nobody understands

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Unread 01-03-2012, 08:55 AM
Re: feeling like nobody understands

Originally Posted by Phoenix 2012 View Post

Here's a more perverse suggestion, to be used if you are in the mood: My DH is in his 50's and has always done his own laundry - has a real determination to do it --- BECAUSE when he was working at his first NYC job, his mom ruined a whole load of his work shirts by mixing in too many colorful items. From that day, he never trusted her to do his clothes again. I still wonder if she did it on purpose..... !
LOL! I love this

Phoenix definitely had other really good points. Two of my three kids are boys. When I supervise by helping them learn and praising them - and especially pointing out how self-reliant and grown up they are becoming - I score way more easily than when I badger and whine and nag.

I think a family meeting where you, as calmly as possible, let them all know (especially husband) what you need from them all is important now. The boys are taking their cue from their father, who is currently showing you disprespect - whether he means to be or not.

I haven't had the stomach to watch any of the videos that are around that show the hysterectomy and what actually happened, but it might be worth getting these "oh so cool" men to watch one of them so that they can see just how serious this surgery is.

Nobody is ever perfect and understanding ALL of the time, and there are times when asking two or three times for help is necessary (especially with teenagers), but ultimately you need to know that they truly understand how important it is for you to take care of yourself - and for them to help you keep the household running as best they can.

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Unread 01-03-2012, 10:34 AM
Re: feeling like nobody understands

I would agree with couponkrazy. One option is to have a family meeting, explain the doctor's limits and the pain level and then draw up a duty chart with tasks and deadlines. I would also agree with other posters that if your family is used to you doing all the work, there may be some initial resistance. They may also not do the work to a level of perfection, but they should be able to do enough so there is clean dishes and laundry without you hurting yourself. When my mother started working at a job with a long commute, she sat us kids down and said I can't get home in time to cook, so it's your turn. She defined a minimum for an acceptable meal and the kids took turns cooking dinner. It wasn't fancy, but it was nutritious and it worked. One of her family expressions was that taking care of the house was a team effort, so you can always work in a few sports metaphors. I also read an article written by a man about cleaning and he used the example of the military. The military has a high degree of order and cleanliness, so no gender excuses. Sending positive thoughts that you can get something worked out that will allow you the time to heal.
Unread 01-03-2012, 11:01 AM
Re: feeling like nobody understands

Bless your heart! I am the same way about dishes and laundry, I can't stand for it to pile up! My son is 12, and after explaining my limitations, this young man has amazed me. I ask for his help, and he does what I need. We load the dishwasher together, he does most all the work! He helps with everything, but is doing the majority of it. He normally doesn't do all this-I take care of these things, but he is helping his mom so he doesn't complain. Ask for help when they don't take the initiative. You might be surprised! Also I have come to realize over the past 12 days, that's its fine if the house isn't perfect! Thoughts and prayers your way!
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Unread 01-03-2012, 11:24 AM
Re: feeling like nobody understands

SO SORRY!!!! I have all boys too (teens!) but I was lucky/blessed that my youngest stepped up and was my #1 caregiver my first week. Spouse is disappointing in non-loving support or cleaning, making kids be slaves in my opinion, but whatever. I have only had a few smart-*ss comments, but boy or boy do they hurt!!! I got up and over did after the first one I was so upset-so I understand where you are coming from.

If you have a decent Dr & dr's office, call and talk to the nurse. Let her know how completely unhelpful/unsupportive your family is being, what you are really doing and ask her for something to teach them about what occured and your restrictions-maybe if it comes as Dr's orders they may knock it off-I know I sit here and fantasize about running away so I can only imagine how you must feel-keep coming on here!!! OH: what about hiring someone to come in and clean-I know that would tick my spouse off as I would be spending money we don't have, lol.
Unread 01-03-2012, 12:11 PM
Re: feeling like nobody understands

tulips2c tulips2c-
I want to send you a fluffy hug. I am very sorry that you are going through hard times.
I also have nothing but boys. When I came to the decision that I was going to have a HY. we had a family meeting to let them know what I can and cannot do. I also told them that I will need them to drive me around.
If you lived near me I would send my kids over so they can help.
Unread 01-03-2012, 01:33 PM
Re: feeling like nobody understands

I understand, sounds like my house! I have all teenage boys and a hubby who had never had surgery also. I also have a 1 year old daughter. No one has been helping me, I've been ignoring a lot but I'm about ready to snap also.

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