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No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!! No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

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  #1  
Unread 01-09-2012, 01:09 AM
No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

I'm 38 yrs old and never wanted children. Just never saw it as a part of my life. I had TAH 12/29/11 and its final I can't have children; and I'm feeling some kind of way. Don't get me wrong I still don't want them but guess now its not an option at all. Its been on my mind and no one to really talk too about it.
Just wondering if I'm the only one on here in this situation?
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  #2  
Unread 01-09-2012, 06:20 AM
Re: No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

I am the same age and in the same situation. About 2 1/2 yrs ago I had an endometrial ablation and I knew then that even though I made the choice to not have children, the choice was immediately taken away from me. I did feel some grief over it and I think that is normal. Now that I have had the hysterectomy it feels even more final, so it gave me something to think about again. Even though we made our own choices before we had our surgeries, it is completely normal to feel bad about the finality of it all.
  #3  
Unread 01-09-2012, 06:58 AM
Re: No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

I am 42 years old. I have always wanted to have children and have tried for years but it never happened. I never understood why until I was haveing problems and went to gyno. He told me I had endo and I had my hyst. on Dec. 6th. Well, now I feel really down because now I know it is final that I will never have children. I know I am getting old to have children but there always was that little bit of hope in the back of my mind. So I understand completely where you are coming from. I just came to the state of mind that I had all the fun with my nieces when they were little. Now my bf has little nieces and nephews so I am enjoying the time with them. Then I figure by the time they are grown up, all of my nieces should be having a family and I can enjoy that time also.
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  #4  
Unread 01-09-2012, 07:00 AM
No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by monet37 View Post
I am the same age and in the same situation. About 2 1/2 yrs ago I had an endometrial ablation and I knew then that even though I made the choice to not have children, the choice was immediately taken away from me. I did feel some grief over it and I think that is normal. Now that I have had the hysterectomy it feels even more final, so it gave me something to think about again. Even though we made our own choices before we had our surgeries, it is completely normal to feel bad about the finality of it all.
Omg!!! Glad I'm not alone. I was thinking I was crazy!! Never thought I was gonna feel this way. I was good until I got home and had time to myself to think. I cried a little but its definitely final. There's a possibility that me and my ex may get back together and I'm scared to ask him how he feels even though he's been right here through the whole thing. He has a child but now if we did get back together we can't have one and I just hope he is truly ok once the option is not available; and its no longer a choice.
  #5  
Unread 01-09-2012, 07:03 AM
No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by stella4 View Post
I am 42 years old. I have always wanted to have children and have tried for years but it never happened. I never understood why until I was haveing problems and went to gyno. He told me I had endo and I had my hyst. on Dec. 6th. Well, now I feel really down because now I know it is final that I will never have children. I know I am getting old to have children but there always was that little bit of hope in the back of my mind. So I understand completely where you are coming from. I just came to the state of mind that I had all the fun with my nieces when they were little. Now my bf has little nieces and nephews so I am enjoying the time with them. Then I figure by the time they are grown up, all of my nieces should be having a family and I can enjoy that time also.
I know I have grown nieces and younger nephews. I have one grand nephew already. So I definitely understand enjoying them since I will not have my own. So that is a good thing about all of this.
  #6  
Unread 01-09-2012, 08:04 AM
Re: No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

I am 34 with no children, 20 days post-op, and a little sad that I will never carry a baby inside me. After losing 2 babies during the first trimester of pregnancy, I knew I never wanted to go through that again! I also realized that I couldn't even take care of myself financially and emotionally, so it wouldn't be fair to try and raise a child under those circumstances. Before surgery, my boyfriend and I agreed that if the time was ever right, we would adopt. Just because a baby's not of our blood, doesn't mean we can't love it like it was.
  #7  
Unread 01-09-2012, 08:07 AM
No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower77 View Post
I am 34 with no children, 20 days post-op, and a little sad that I will never carry a baby inside me. After losing 2 babies during the first trimester of pregnancy, I knew I never wanted to go through that again! I also realized that I couldn't even take care of myself financially and emotionally, so it wouldn't be fair to try and raise a child under those circumstances. Before surgery, my boyfriend and I agreed that if the time was ever right, we would adopt. Just because a baby's not of our blood, doesn't mean we can't love it like it was.
I said the same thing that if the desire was there I would adopt, because there are a lot of children that need a family and love
  #8  
Unread 01-09-2012, 08:59 AM
Re: No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

I am mid-50's and till my surgery last month, was still ovulating. However, never - for a single day - have I ever wanted to carry, birth or raise a child. I know that puts me in a minority, but it is what it is. Even in my 20's I would joke that it would be nice to just remove the possibility, but (especially now that I've had my TAH) it certainly isn't a minor decision - it is major surgery.

Finally I can say I've permanently closed a door on that option in life. And even with my sigh of relief, there is that small consciousness of having lost a possibility. We hate losing options even if we never intended to use them. I am not grieving or regretting, but still have spent some time acknowledging life has moved into a different stage, as it has always done in one way or another over the years.

When I'm further along in my recovery, I do want to find ways of connecting with young people - something I've never done before. Being not only "child-free" but also niece/nephew/grandchild-free means I have more time and energy to find ways of carefully, thoughtfully reaching out to younger people and learning to bring them into my life in some small way.

No matter how you feel about your own childbearing situation, I do think there is enormous value in extending ourselves across generations and developing relationships with young people who can teach as well as learn from us.
  #9  
Unread 01-09-2012, 09:10 AM
Re: No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

I always wanted children too, had one miscarriage & the grief was immense. My sister had five IVFs & on the last try had my beautiful snuggly nephew. He is 9 now.
I'm lucky he comes to stay often & we have a special bond, which I have my sister to thank for.
3 days post op I cried all morning as the realisation sank in, I won't have children, but having given myself a good kick up the butt! I am lucky I have my nephew & life is too short for regrets.
I wish I had adopted & I think to give a little someone a loving home would be a fantastic thing to do.
  #10  
Unread 01-09-2012, 09:20 AM
Re: No Children by Choice, Now Its Final!!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by atl2s3xi3 View Post
I said the same thing that if the desire was there I would adopt, because there are a lot of children that need a family and love
Same here, but now I don't know if I will ever have the desire. I like my current lifestyle too much. I am happy that I had an opportunity to have a little brother born when I was 14 and young nieces that I was able to spend a lot of time with when I was younger.
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