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But it's MY DAY!!! But it's MY DAY!!!

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  #1  
Unread 01-13-2012, 11:43 PM
But it's MY DAY!!!

Ok, so I am having a total hysterzilla moment tonight. My surgery is scheduled for this Wednesday 1/18/12 and I have been so excited. I've got the house ready, bought the ugliest post op jammies to make myself giggle, etc. Now I feel like I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and throw everything I see at puppies and kittens. (OK, not that but you get where I'm going).

A little background... My hubby's cousin is staying with us in my once beautiful art loft. He was only supposed to be with us for a month or two, but we are now going on 6 months. Needless to say I am annoyed with this, but it's been manageabe since he basically just uses our home for a quick bite to eat and a place to crash, so I never really see him.

Now he just told my hubby that he's having surgery on his foot on Monday, yes THIS Monday, and will be down for 2 weeks. This means that I won't have any privacy to roam about the house and feel comfortable recouperating. I hate having another man in the house as it is, but now it's going to be so uncomfortable while I'm feeling at my worst. I also am extremely annoyed that he just up and decided that he was going to have this done the same week as my surgery. It's almost like he's doing it on purpose. The foot surgery for him is not a necessity at this moment, he's been dealing with it for a few years now.

Am I just being a total witch about this? I'm usually very nurturing and giving to others, but man right now I just feel so angry. I'm ready to cancel my surgery on Wednesday and do it when he's finally moved out of the house. Is it unreasonable to tell him he either needs to wait or recouperate somewhere else?

I can't stop shaking... sorry for the rambeling and mis-spelled words.
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  #2  
Unread 01-14-2012, 12:01 AM
Re: But it's MY DAY!!!

I would be upset as well. I really don't like having other people in my "space" so I can relate. Do NOT cancel your surgery, the mental preparations you have gone through as well as the physical ones are great. Maybe you can tell him how you feel, and let him know that he needs to stay out of your hair, especially post op. How involved is his surgery? Maybe it will be a blessing in disguise if he can help you out a bit as you recover! Good luck and ((((hugs))))
  #3  
Unread 01-14-2012, 12:12 AM
Re: But it's MY DAY!!!

I'm trying to not be a drama queen about this, really I am trying so hard. I've never liked the vibe he gives off, I always feel so uncomfortable when he's in the house. Even my dog gets really anxious and mean when he's there. I've put up with his negativity and bad joujou for my hubby's sake.
His surgery will be to remove a bone spur in his foot, so he'll be out of commission for at least two weeks. He's a mail man so he won't be able to go back to work walking all day for a while. I appreciate your suggestion of him helping me and it being a good thing, but with him I know it wont. Ugh, if it were anyone else I wouldn't feel this way. I would try to make it fun and have a post op buddy.
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  #4  
Unread 01-14-2012, 12:51 AM
Re: But it's MY DAY!!!

I sympathize with your frustration. I understand the privacy issue, particularly if you're not feeling great in the two weeks after surgery. Some women don't even want their good friends over until they're feeling better. I would not cancel your surgery. I had to wait 6 weeks to get my date and as EmergencyNurse said, you've already done the mental prep. I can also see how husband and/or cousin might be oblivious to the potential problems. Everyone has a different sense of space and privacy. They may also not have a good sense of just how big your impending surgery is. It is definitely not an outpatient procedure.

You might want to see if you can have a direct talk with your husband about how you feel. You can point out the challenges of two people in pain and possibly in bad moods. You're also going to be dealing with bodily functions (see posts on gas and pooping) so that might be another rationale.

Given the circumstances, is it an option to see if the cousin could recuperate with another relative or friend for the two weeks? He may be better staying with someone who will be mobile and can help him with the recovery process.

I will think positive thoughts for a good solution!
  #5  
Unread 01-14-2012, 01:22 AM
Re: But it's MY DAY!!!

I would be upset as well. Maybe talk to your hubby or show him some of the post op forums on this site. I am 4 days out and can tell you the gas/bm issue is the worst. I seize EVERY opportunity to get the gas out-regardless of who is in the room, you may want some privacy. Good luck-happy healing
  #6  
Unread 01-14-2012, 05:17 AM
Re: But it's MY DAY!!!

I hope this all gets worked out. I totally understand needing your space and privacy! I agree with everyone else, dont cancel your surgery!

Tina
  #7  
Unread 01-14-2012, 09:01 AM
Re: But it's MY DAY!!!

I completely empathize with your situation.

Maybe it's time for your hubby to invite his cousin to move out. He has already outstayed his welcome. If he makes you and you dog nervous, he needs to go.

Don't flame me for saying kick him out when he is having surgery. (I am actually restraining myself here.). This man is an adult. He needs to be crashing elsewhere. Your hubby needs to support you. You are his #1. Period.

Best of luck to you with your surgery and recovery.
  #8  
Unread 01-14-2012, 10:03 AM
Re: But it's MY DAY!!!

I would word it as "Since I am having surgery the same week, I am going to need as much help as possible and with you needing help as well, it isn't fair to the rest of the non-surgical patients of the house to have to deal with both of us. Maybe you can stay at so and so's house so they can help you more and you won't feel like you're underfoot with me being also recovering, hormonal and a grouch. While you are there, you will have plenty of time to apartment hunt as well, so make use of it" *****y.. maybe. To the point.. yes. He may play the sympathy card and say it's not fair that he has to leave while he's about to have this massive surgery, but you know what? Most normal people would see through that and go "Dude, she was having a hysterectomy and you had overstayed your welcome in her house. You're an adult, deal with it. You should have politely exited their house ages ago" (easier to type than to see in person, I can imagine, but you or your husband needs to set it straight or you will blow up on him post op)
  #9  
Unread 01-14-2012, 11:22 AM
Re: But it's MY DAY!!!

I am having my surgery that'd day also, and your situation is stressing me out! I am so sorry you have to deal with this right now. It's time for very clear boundaries to be put in place. It is your house, so you get first priority and digs on facilities etc. And you will be rude if he over steps that boundary, he doesn't like it? Then he shouldn't have booked the surgery at the same time as yours. Perhaps He thought he was getting a free nurse maid and he is wrong. Wow, I sound mean.... But I know how badly I need my surgery to be done - nothing and no one would get in my way... Don't cancel your surgery!

All the best.... Chat after....!
  #10  
Unread 01-14-2012, 12:24 PM
Re: But it's MY DAY!!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Beth L View Post
I completely empathize with your situation.

Maybe it's time for your hubby to invite his cousin to move out. He has already outstayed his welcome. If he makes you and you dog nervous, he needs to go.

Don't flame me for saying kick him out when he is having surgery. (I am actually restraining myself here.). This man is an adult. He needs to be crashing elsewhere. Your hubby needs to support you. You are his #1. Period.

Best of luck to you with your surgery and recovery.
Ditto - Ditto - Ditto.

The man has a job, he needs to get his own place. SIX MONTHS!!! I think you deserve a sainthood - I would have zilla-ed out weeks ago - hyster or no.

I'll be thinking of you.
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