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Must move through the pain :-( Must move through the pain :-(

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  #1  
Unread 01-14-2012, 04:50 PM
Must move through the pain :-(

I have come to realize this is the only place I will get support. I am eleven days post op and still hurting but working through to keep things in order at home. It hurts the people I thought would give me the support I need and want are not giving it.

I feel so isolated and like I am talking to brick walls in my own home. I hurt, emotional, and I know probably not a joy to be around right now but I still need support.

Anyway, this is just a vent no one needs to reply.
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  #2  
Unread 01-14-2012, 05:51 PM
Re: Must move through the pain :-(

So sorry you aren't getting the support you need from those close to you but you know you can always come on here and get support. Please don't push yourself. The world will not come to an end if the house is a mess and the dishes aren't all washed. You need to put yourself and your health first or you risk hurting yourself and delaying your recovery.
  #3  
Unread 01-14-2012, 05:59 PM
Re: Must move through the pain :-(

While others may or may not be as supportive as we want, I think "we" need to learn to nuture and care for ourselves better. This is an important lesson, and it just might be the right time in our lives to really get it! I know that I've been trying to learn this lesson for awhile! Hang in there/1
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  #4  
Unread 01-14-2012, 06:55 PM
Re: Must move through the pain :-(

There was another poster who had the same problem about a month ago and the discussion generated some great advice. I wish I remember the thread title. One poster noted that if your family is used to having you do the largest share of the work, then they may not be in a mental frame of mind to carry the load while you're recovering. You may need to be more direct and give family members a chore chart for the essential tasks. You may also have to live with more dust than you would like. At the end of the day though, your healing is the most important. Get the rest you need and vent as much as you need!
  #5  
Unread 01-14-2012, 07:08 PM
Re: Must move through the pain :-(

Don't do anything you don't feel like doing. Seriously. Let them fend for themselves for awhile. Just go to bed and and rest, or make a bed for yourself on the couch. Pamper yourself. I'm sorry they aren't giving you the support you need. Noone can really understand it seems unless they've been down this road. I hope you feel better soon.
  #6  
Unread 01-14-2012, 07:35 PM
Re: Must move through the pain :-(

This breaks my heart because I know exactly how you feel. I take anti-depressants and ADD meds and had to go off of them 2 weeks before surgery. I was a mess!!!! My husband was not supportive at all because he doesn't think I need the meds. I have been taking them for 12 years. When I came out of surgery and then came home the next day I wasn't ready to restart and I was a hormonal mess! While the practical part of me was prepared...had a kid who can drive, house is on market so made sure it was clean and arrangements made for animals, clean sheets and Motrin at the ready and plenty of books downloaded on my iPad, I never once stopped to think that I would immediately be sent into menopause!

I had told my doc that I wanted to get back on my meds and then we would work on hrt if necessary. Yep! I had it all worked out!

Imagine my surprise when I lost it and my husband looked at me as if I had 3 heads and said, "Well, what did you expect?"

To make it worse, and I am not saying poor, poor pitiful me...cause its actually funny if I am actually telling you the story, but I have a husband and 2 teen boys...teen boys who are so boy that female stuff is not on their agendas. Food, money, car is all they think about. My house is also on the market and my husband has a 3 day rule in reference to being sick. On one hand he will say, get rest and then he will turn around and say, can you help me get the house ready for the open house tomorrow? Keep in mind that I do EVERYTHING around here and it really irritates me that just once he can't or won't handle it.

We had some serious issues last year and are still trying to recover. Our marriage is still on the line and the lack of sex is a huge concern for him.

Now I have gone into way too much here but would it be too much to ask for 3 weeks to focus on ME?

I have to learn to stand up for myself and my health and I have to learn not to feel guilty about taking a break. I had knee surgery in August and it took 3 times as long to heal because I felt guilty sitting on my butt and I didn't want to gain any weight...more ammo for him! This surgery has actually helped my knee heal better!

So you do what you need to do and simply tell them that you need this. That if they can't give you the time to recover then they need to reevaluate their priorities! Without mom being healthy the family will fall apart and maybe it has to just a little to appreciate you. Hang in there one day at a time!

Also, go online to The North American Menopause Society. You can order a free kit and make your family read it so they know what you are going through!
  #7  
Unread 01-14-2012, 08:46 PM
Re: Must move through the pain :-(

Yes, you do need support and we are here for you. come here anytime and someone will listen. Sometimes just getting what you feel out in the open especially to people who have also been through the same thing really helps. I know it does for me. The main thing for you to do is to take care of yourself. You need time to heal properly.
  #8  
Unread 01-14-2012, 09:00 PM
Re: Must move through the pain :-(

Activefor4 -

I am sorry you are going through this but as said you need to take care of you. So ifyou move through the pain what happens if the pain causes something that delays your recovery further?

So my advice if it is food issues - sounds like time to use paper plates and if you are close to pizza delivery you call for a lot of delivery. Dust bunnies become your friends and are an indication that you are taking the time to heal properly. Stay in your pjs, don't get dressed or put on make-up.

If you need to unleash a bit and let people know that you need some down time go for it.

  #9  
Unread 01-14-2012, 09:53 PM
Re: Must move through the pain :-(

Life is change, is evolution. Perhaps these times when we're experiencing our own worst personal challenges is a time when others who've come to take us for granted are also due to experience us unleashing that power we have in us, demanding others change if they want to keep up with us. We know we'll be ok. Where will they be? Will they have learned compassion, responsibility? They can learn, and they will, they really will survive and be better people, if they aren't protected from reality!
  #10  
Unread 01-14-2012, 10:04 PM
Re: Must move through the pain :-(

  Quote:
Originally Posted by gnomelady View Post
Life is change, is evolution. Perhaps these times when we're experiencing our own worst personal challenges is a time when others who've come to take us for granted are also due to experience us unleashing that power we have in us, demanding others change if they want to keep up with us. We know we'll be ok. Where will they be? Will they have learned compassion, responsibility? They can learn, and they will, they really will survive and be better people, if they aren't protected from reality!
gnomelady, I love this. This is very true!
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