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How do you deal with all the emotional questions? How do you deal with all the emotional questions?

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Unread 01-19-2012, 04:20 PM
Re: How do you deal with all the emotional questions?

Thank you so much everyone! It's sounds like we have all been blessed in one way or another, and I think my most recent blessing is finding this website....even though everytime I read these posts I practically start bawling!! I guess we just all need to stay positive and look at the light at the end of the tunnel....being pain free (or mostly). It's funny because my husband walked in while I was reading these first posts and right away asked, "are you on that hyster sisters website??!" He has been the best support of all (in his own weird way), and I'm sure that he will be just as happy when this is all over with! I can't help but be nervous about the surgery and recovery time....but time will heal all wounds....even emotional ones I guess. Hugs to all and please keep me posted! Thank you again!
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Unread 01-19-2012, 05:37 PM
Re: How do you deal with all the emotional questions?

Originally Posted by Soleil11 View Post
I'm not offended at all and you are allowed to feel cheated, and sad, and disappointed, and anything else you may feel. Our experiences may be different but we can all understand the loss. Please don't feel like your sadness is less than those of us who've never had children, maybe a bit different, but not less. My heart goes out to you and everyone else dealing with this loss.
DITTO THAT! I didn't tell my story to make you feel bad - just to let you know I understand and that you aren't alone.

And Yes, My fibroids affected me in lots of ways - physically and emotionally. Lower back and joint pain, cramps. Stress & tension didn't help my blood pressure or depression either. Who knows what else. I started having migraines around the time I started having fibroid problems, but they haven't gone away with the hyster. They do seem to have reduced in frequency and intensity though, but only time will tell for sure.

Take care of yourself.
Unread 01-19-2012, 07:30 PM
Re: How do you deal with all the emotional questions?

Thank you, ladies!! I would never want to make anyone feel bad and I appreciate all the responses!
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Unread 01-20-2012, 09:24 AM
Re: How do you deal with all the emotional questions?

I hope that I didn't make you feel bad. That's all on me, I feel guilty myself because I remember how I felt for all those years when I couldn't have any children. So I apologize if I made you feel bad or anyone else for that matter, it wasn't my intention.

DH and I talked about it last night and as I said I can think about it logically, but it's the emotional roller coaster that I'm having problems with. I think if I didn't have so long to think about it, it would be easier....who knows? Too much time to worry and think. I will feel better, the pain will be better, I won't be worried about the bleeding all the time-especially during sex, my bladder will be better, etc. I need to get back to my normal point of view that life could be worse and focus on the positives. Easier said than done. Too funny that last night, my husband-who is the glass half full person-was the one encouraging me to look at my blessings. I am blessed, I just need to keep that front and center and not dwell on it. It's so final, there is no changing or going back after this. That's hard to take.

Anyway, please forgive me, everyone, if I offended. I just wanted to talk to others that actually felt the same way I do, to remind me that I'm not an idiot or all alone feeling as I do.

Unread 01-20-2012, 04:09 PM
Re: How do you deal with all the emotional questions?

Urby, you feel how you feel. Grief is grief, no matter what the loss (a job, relationship, person, dream). It is normal to even grieve the loss of a future child. My brother-in-law died 17 months ago. He and his wife were talking about having a 3rd child when he got sick and died within 3-1/2 weeks. She still grieves not only the loss of her husband but also that 3rd child that will never be.

I hope you can find the strength to see the pity looks as their problem, not yours. I've been getting them for the 12 years I've been married when I say we don't have kids. When people got nosy I used to say "well, it hasn't happened yet" and they would go on about how we have time, can adopt, etc., etc. Sometimes I had to be blunt and tell them it was none of their business. Even men are stupid-guys my husband works with have done the same thing over the years. I have to say I'm actually relieved to have had my TLH this week. Now I'm going to just say "I had a hysterectomy" and hope they feel like an idiot for being so nosy.
Unread 01-20-2012, 06:28 PM
Re: How do you deal with all the emotional questions?

Hi ladies! I am 33yrs old and the mother of 3, ages 10, 5, and 2. I am scheduled for a TVH on 2/6. I can understand your pain and emotions. I have been on both sides of the spectrum. I have been pregnant a total of 9 times, twice with twins. I know what it's like to think you will never have children and the crushing feelings of feeling lost when everyone else is plump pregnant or have newborns. I also know the joy of shooting a crying bowling ball size bundle out with no pain medication. With all 3 of my children I have been high risk. I was on bed rest with all 3. My placenta abrupted with my 2nd and I had placenta previa with my 3rd. After my 3rd my DH said that was it. He couldn't possibly consider having anymore children.

I know it's crazy to wear diapers during my cycle (I prefer Huggies honestly). But as you all have said my quality of life is down the tube. A week before my cycle and a week after I am still down and out. I come on every 3-4 weeks, so when am I ever up, huh? My husband wanted a boy previously to carry on his name and my son so wants a little brother since we girls rule this house. I just found out last month when I had to go to the ER for the pain and bleeding that I needed a hysterectomy for adenomyosis.

It's been hard for me accepting the fact that this is so final I guess. I know we said no more kids for my sake but THIS IS IT. My DH says he and the kids want a healthy mom. He also says that he is nervous about what type of effect this will have on me mentally since I already suffer from depression and anxiety. He ultimately wants me healthy and that is his top concern. I love little babies but with me having postpartum depression with my last two I missed them being babies.

I know riding the emotional fence is tough but we have to be healthy for ourselves and the one's we love. I get sad just about everyday and call my husband at work crying.

I wish you all the best. I feel so bad that we are forced to make this decision and some without the opportunity to have children. I hope and pray that time will heal all of our wombs(wounds).

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