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ok. He's not getting it.... ok. He's not getting it....

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Unread 01-23-2012, 04:42 AM
ok. He's not getting it....

Hi Ladies!

Husband issues: I am scheduled for TAH on Feb 7.

Timing is everything, and I specifically timed this surgery to occur in the winter when we have nothing going on and my husband's travel schedule is much lighter, allowing him to be home with me - at least for that first week.

For a few years now, we have been looking at investment/retirement properties in the US Virgin Islands (we currently live in Belgium). Nice. BUT - As it so happens, a property that we both love came on the market a few weeks ago and husband is chomping at the bit to rush down to St. Thomas to look at it. Even went so far as to start making flight arrangements for the end of Feb! I stopped him in time, and he said "But the doctor cleared you to fly..." I said " Just because I'm CLEARED to fly doesn't mean I'm going to WANT to fly...8.5 hours to Philadelphia, then 4 hours to Puerto Rico, then 45 minutes to St. T., dragging luggage, standing in lines, taking my shoes off and on, etc, etc..."

Can you guys imagine?? On so many levels he understands that this is major abdominal surgery and that I am to rest and take it easy for at least 6 weeks. On the other hand, in typical man fashion, there is an element of denial going on here, and despite my trying to get him to educate himself and understand the complexities of this surgery, he's thinking that at around 2-3 weeks post op, I'll be fit as a fiddle, ready for the rigors of travel. Plus, huge bee in his bonnet re: this property.

Any suggestions besides slapping him silly? (And yes - I suggested that he go view property on his own if he's so anxious, but he wants me to come with. pffft.)

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Unread 01-23-2012, 05:29 AM
Re: ok. He's not getting it....

I'd go with slapping him silly...
Could you ask one of the staff treating you to have a word with him? I've asked one of the drs looking after my case to have a word with my hub as he thinks I'm being melodramatic not wanting to drive from Perth to Brisbane 3 weeks after surgery.
Men just don't get it; maybe it's something to do with chromosones...and yet when they get the snuffles you'd think they'd contracted hemorrhagic fever or the like.
Be strong - tell him what you need and what you feel capable of. He may have his heart set on that one property but there'll be others. Or, as you suggested, he could go on his own ( provided you're ok being left and can get about, that is)

C xxx
Unread 01-23-2012, 07:06 AM
Re: ok. He's not getting it....

I'd go with slapping him silly.

So many guys do not seem to have the wiring in the right place for this whole recovery thing.

I am 6 weeks out. There is no way I could handle that type of trip. Sitting up is still the thing that will cause me pain.

Hang in there. Hopefully he'll see the sense of things.
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Unread 01-23-2012, 07:51 AM
Re: ok. He's not getting it....

I have to say, my husband has been brilliant and supportive.
It has been him making sure I do not overdo anything.

He is a shining example for all the menfolk, like those that think their sexlife can resume after 3 weeks too!

I went on a 380 miles round trip over the weekend, split over 2 days and that was not too bad, but I am 10 weeks plus post op.

I would not have been able to take those long journeys after such a short time.
Swelly belly, and tummy pulls from the stitches, plus not being able to move around as needed would make tis very tough
Unread 01-23-2012, 08:06 AM
Re: ok. He's not getting it....

Even though you are sitting during the flight, you won't be able to adjust your positions enough to be comfortable. I went to the movies and by the end of the film, I was hurting so bad! At that time in post op, you need to be able to change positions, lay down, and be able to walk a bit.
Unread 01-23-2012, 08:42 AM
Re: ok. He's not getting it....

For several weeks (sometimes more) you are more prone to blood clots, and airplane travel can increase this risk. Ask your doctor for advice about this and make sure your husband is there when you ask. Good luck!
Unread 01-23-2012, 10:19 AM
Re: ok. He's not getting it....

Wow! That kind of travel is exhausting under the best of circumstances. I'm 10 weeks out and i wouldn't be able to do it.

Slap him silly with a MisterHysterSisters info. print out then send him on his way. Stay home and rest.
Unread 01-23-2012, 02:12 PM
Re: ok. He's not getting it....

thanks you guys.

I talked to him tonight and I THINK I got through to him. Stupid condo can wait. Healing properly and well is the priority for me.


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