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I don't think hubby/kids get it.... I don't think hubby/kids get it....

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  #1  
Unread 01-23-2012, 11:18 AM
I don't think hubby/kids get it....

Well, I don't know if it's just me but I don't understand why no one has asked any questions about my surgery. I did tell them about it and they know I am taking off of work for 6 weeks, but none of the kids or even my husband have asked about what my recovery is going to be like. Maybe they just assume that I will be out of sorts for a few days and then back to my "mommy" job, I don't know. My mom has already said that she would stay at my house to help out for however long I need her. She also was very adiment on me not overdoing it and taking the full 6 weeks to recover...(I am a massage therapist so my type of work is pretty physical). I thought about getting some informative pamphlets and leaving them on the coffee table in the hopes that maybe they would pick them up and read thru. Do you think maybe they are just nervous and don't know what to say or do? I don't want to push the issue, but I need for them to understand that this is not just a walk in the park!
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  #2  
Unread 01-23-2012, 11:28 AM
Re: I don't think hubby/kids get it....

Introduce them to www.misterhystersisters.com. There's a great deal of information there that will make them aware of just what this surgery involves. I don't know how old your children are but if they are young they don't need all the details.

I'm happy to hear that your Mom will be there to help out. You'll appreciate the help more than you know.
  #3  
Unread 01-23-2012, 11:41 AM
Re: I don't think hubby/kids get it....

Sorry to hear that your family seem disinterested. I am having the same issue here . I am having a sit down discussion with my husband tonight about what I need and what to expect after the surgery. My husband doesn't like to hear about any medical "stuff" because anything potentially scary like that he just tunes out so he won't worry. not a very effective coping mechanism. We had a blow out last night....I am freaking out about everything as my surgery date gets closer and he's not being the most supportive unfortunately. Don't get me wrong he's a great guy in many ways but I think he is just overwhelmed by me being out of commission for a month.

I hope you get the support you need. It's good that your mom will be there for you too.
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  #4  
Unread 01-23-2012, 12:10 PM
Re: I don't think hubby/kids get it....

It is great your mom will be there. Mine came for 6 weeks. She was a lifesaver! My hubby and kids have been great too. Having everyone on board was sure helpful.

I suggest introducing your husband to misterhystersisiters. If you can get him involved in some of the pre-op that might help. Not having the female stuff, they have no frame of reference for some of our struggles.

My husband was already very supportive when I went in with concern of an infection in my incision. Having him there to hear the nurse practitioner was so helpful. He made sure I was not doing anything on her "No" list.
  #5  
Unread 01-23-2012, 12:19 PM
Re: I don't think hubby/kids get it....

Hi there! Sorry you all are encountering this void of responses. I would venture to say that it is a common reaction. I saw it too. You know your family best and how they react if you prompt them to talk more or if they close down more. Some of the silence may be when they are trying to learn more but not burden you with questions - and the link shared earlier can help with that. Some of the silence is likely not knowing what to say. You may find that your girlfriends provide more support now because they 1) understand more innately what you are dealing with 2) some of them may have gone through it already. Now is the time to accept help when it is offered and be open to support from friends you didn't expect. Keep on exploring this site - there are all kinds of forums and support!
  #6  
Unread 01-23-2012, 02:05 PM
Re: I don't think hubby/kids get it....

You are not alone. My mom was suppose to come for the first week but had a knee replacement back in September and just had a fall at work last week. My husband with his special self informed me that he took 2 days off at work. The day of and after surgery. My kids are 2-10 so I don't expect them to understand anymore than mommy is having another surgery. I had to ask him was he thinking. I am having a TVH so I am not sure if I will need more assistance or if 2 days is enough. My dr says I should be fine with being home alone with my 2 year old but from reading others post on this site I am getting a different impression.
  #7  
Unread 01-23-2012, 02:07 PM
Re: I don't think hubby/kids get it....

Hey spa!

Having sort of the same stuff here - you're not alone. Husband expected me to be able to travel a very long distance 3 weeks after surgery (mine is scheduled 2/7) and after whining about it in here this morning (lol) I spoke with him tonight and have imposed an 8-week rule followed by a "then we'll see how I feel" codicil. I think he finally understands a little more since I sat him down and spelled it out. What I'm finding even more disheartening is the lack of interest/concern/support on my sisters/girlfriends part. I kind of expect it a little more from my husband because he's a guy and girl guts are scary and alien to him. But my GFs? Whatev. I'll deal on my own.

Meanwhile, LCMT here, too! ^5! Once we're past accute, we can go to town on our own tummies - keep that scar tissue down!

Hang in there sister!
hugs-
-Fish
  #8  
Unread 01-24-2012, 04:20 PM
Re: I don't think hubby/kids get it....

Oh thank you so much for your replys "sisters"! I makes me feel a little better knowing that I am not the only one going thru this. I am sure as the date gets closer, we will be having more conversations about everything.....I think I am going to have to do a house clean overhaul to make sure everything is ready to go....knowing that it probably won't be tended to until I am up and about. No worries.....I will make friends with my dust bunnies. I have enjoyed reading all of the posts so far...so much information...I am learning so much.
I think I may treat myself to a new pair of "jammies" and maybe a root job and pedicure.....that will make me feel a bit better!!
Sending lots of positive thoughts and energy to all of you!
  #9  
Unread 01-24-2012, 04:52 PM
Re: I don't think hubby/kids get it....

i am in 10th week and i am what you would say "recovered" but there's extremely hurt feelings towards my hubby.its like he never did care about my surgery and since i was a "strong" person i should have never been down for as long as i was.
i am not lucky when it even comes to my family.i have a healthy dad,mom and 2 sisters.they live 1 1/2 hours away from my home.not one of my family members even made the drive over to hospital or to help me after hospital.that has really hurt my feelings beyond any imagination.i thought we were close.my mom called me once when i was in hospital to explain to me i was strong and to basically get over it.she even said at christmas it had been 6 weeks and i was recovered. this has hurt my feelings beyond anything.they're not old and frail.my mom is 58 years old and my dad is 64.they dont work and thanks to my dad's wonderful retirement plan they dont have to worry about money at all.what gets me is she had a TAH 25 years ago and with her 3 girls she didnt have to lift a finger. we did everything for her.i emailed oldest sis at christmas time and told her how i felt and she's always used everything against me.she told mom everything i had emailed her.its like i am so jealous when i hear of other women that have had their families towards this most terrible ordeal.but i thought my mom would be there for me but she wasnt at all.i have totally quit calling her and she has me too thanks to jealous sister.i think reason i told sis about feelings is i knew she would tell my mom.but when you live out-of-state,i always knew my friends would forget about me not my immediate family.even if i left hubby,i really dont have anywheres to go.i know i am just whining but i just had to get this off my chest.its really hurt my feeling immensely
  #10  
Unread 01-24-2012, 06:07 PM
Re: I don't think hubby/kids get it....

Hugs and well wishes to you all. This is really tough on us and our families too whether they want to face it or not.
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