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I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

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Unread 02-01-2012, 08:35 PM
I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

Hi systers:

It's 3am here in Belgium and I am a mess of nerves and doubt.

My DH and I had a bit of a blow-out this evening regarding my up-coming surgery (TAH-BSO) on Tuesday. He has left it til NOW, 5 days before, to raise his own doubts and concerns, when I had already made my final decision 2 weeks ago. It has left me stressed and doubtful as well: Why am I having a hysterectomy, again?

Well. there's Stage 1A cervical cancer. Cells present. Now, this could be alternatively treated with pelvic radiation, thus avoiding the main reason for surgery. But that means I COULD develop cancer again at a later time. - OR - I COULD just have my cervix removed...but there is very strong uterine, breast, colon and ovarian cancer in my family.

Which leads me to reason # 2: HPV. I was diagnosed at the age of 18 and have been vigilant about my paps - every three months, pretty faithfully. It's been expensive and annoying and very worrisome. If I DO NOT have a hysterectomy, I'll have to continue with this constant screening.

#3: My hysterectomy is not only a medical precaution - it's a lifestyle change. I have been dealing with the debilitating symptoms of perimeno for 6 years, despite periods that you could set a clock to. I am tired. I'm hot. I'm *****y. I have no energy. My bed is soggy. I'M OVER IT.

Remove the existing cancer factor for a moment. Am I a candidate? Are annoyance, precaution, expense and multi-symptoms REASONS for what I am doing? I THOUGHT it was. I'm 48 years old. I'm TIRED. I have NOTHING like what some of you poor souls have described with the fibroids and cysts and endo and pain and bleeding, but my symptoms are real just the same. I'm just TIRED. I'm tired physically and mentally - tired of wondering what each pap will reveal, waiting for the other show to drop.

*%&$*. My decision was MADE. I WANTED to to this - was even looking forward to it in a weird way. Looking forward to surgical menopause and ERT. I got my recovery space all set up - drove all the way to *******' ANTWERP today for American comfort food (no, no jell-o in Belgium except at American grocery store in Antwerp), ordered a grabber-thingy and special pillows.

And all it took was him saying "why are you removing your ovaries?"

Help? Please?
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Unread 02-01-2012, 08:40 PM
Re: I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

Oh Pam big hugs to you. Unfortunately men do not possess the communication skills to handle stuff like gyn surgery. If you are comfortable with your decision, that should be all you need. I get that you want your hubby's support and you most likely have it but this is a stressful time for you both. So take a deep breath and it will all be fine. Nerves and concerns sometimes need to come out as a blow up, this way it's out and done with
Unread 02-01-2012, 08:46 PM
Re: I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

ps: yes - Doctors have been consulted (2nd, 3rd opinions) and whiles their reactions have been varied, their attitude is sort of "ok..if this is the way you want to go..." which I (up until tonight) interpreted as a "green light". Now I'm just wondering if it's resignation?
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Unread 02-01-2012, 08:51 PM
Re: I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

must try to sleep, ladies...but thanks in advance for any advise you give. Will check in in the morning, my time.

hugs to you all....
Unread 02-01-2012, 09:09 PM
Re: I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

I can't really offer you any advice but just wanted to say I feel for you.

Only you can decide what's right for you and hopefully you can get your husband to understand. I will pray that you can talk this through and come to an understanding that is acceptable to you both.

I didn't have a choice - my hysterectomy probably saved my life!

Sending you hugs.


P.S. I lived in Belgium in the suburbs of Belgium for a year!
Unread 02-01-2012, 09:14 PM
Re: I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

Dear Pam: Please trust your instincts on this! Do for yourself what you know in your heart is right. DH can have his own fears but it sounds like this surgery would be a good thing for your overall health. Even with everything removed, sex with your DH will feel the same for him from what I've read on these boards, probably even better because you will be feeling great about yourself and taking charge of your health. I totally see why you made the decision to proceed. Cancer histories etc are nothing to mess with. And I'm practically the same age as you (49) and decided to have my ovaries removed to decrease cancer risk. Very happy with my decision. It sounds like you made a well thought out decision and I support you!
Unread 02-01-2012, 09:20 PM
Re: I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

Vent away. Men just don't understand what we go through every Month...So sorry
Unread 02-01-2012, 09:39 PM
Re: I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

i am not a dr nor do i have cancer nor was my hyster the result of cancer or fibroids or endo, I have polycystic ovarian syndrom, my left ovary was removed for a cyst on it 16 years ago, this year well 2011 a cyst was again found on the right ovary, it was persistent and quite large decision was mad to remove it. Thus having no ovaries it was decided to remove everything cervix, uterus, to eliminate cancer risk of those organs. In fact there was very little of the ovary left inside the cyst

Mine was an easy decision, yours unfortunately is a tough one but i will play devil's advocate - you have history of cancer in family,
say you leave the ovaries in and you develope cancer then you would be at this cross road again, say you have the chemo and it doesnt work and the cancer spreads, then you would be back to the surgery crossroads again - when making the decision base it on all the what ifs and quality of life you would have as a result of it. HOWEVER it is ultimately YOUR decision as it is YOUR body. If you decide to go ahead with it talk about it to your hubby find out what his objections are, is he afraid sex will be different? is he afraid he will lose you? exactly what are his objections? have him research about hysterectomies

One thing if you go ahead and remove everything then you will still have to have smears of the vagina done i think it is every one to 5 years meaning i can not remember if it is once a year or once every 5 years because you had cervical cancer it is called a swab of the vaginal vault

i am sorry this is not a definitive answer for you but only you can answer that

just re-read your post in answer to your husband's question of "why are you removing your ovaries?" my answer would be I want to live.

we are here to support you in what every your decision you make I am sending you healing thoughts and strength
Unread 02-01-2012, 09:40 PM
Re: I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

Sounds like the reality of surgery is just sinking in for him. He needs to process this and go over it again and be reminded of the reasons why and the benefits of doing it. I asked my gyn surgeon to go over these things with me one last time when I was wheeled into OR. Try being objective and factual with him and see if that helps. Give him some support right now and he'll be on board to support you after...
Unread 02-01-2012, 09:41 PM
Re: I need a pow-wow & I need it FAST

Pam, I hope you can regain your peace about this. i had mine b/c of bladder issues and i couldn't fix the bladder with the uterine prolapse, but also a family history of cancer. A friend of mine told me "rip those things out, once you're done with them they are just cancer magnets." I am 48 too, and my dr suggested it since I'd be menopausal soonish anyway. After reading that it is almost impossible to detect ovarian cancer for a long time, I decided I was ok with it. Thankfully my husband was very supportive having had an Aunt die of ovarian cancer.

Make your decision...you can always reschedule the surgery! But, it sounds like you've been through a lot and are ready to get on with your life! (something else a friend told me!)

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