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Venting (a rant and a half) Venting (a rant and a half)

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  #1  
Unread 02-07-2012, 06:44 PM
Venting (a rant and a half)

For the last 6 months and even more so recently, I have talked about my endo, the surgery and my fears and everything in between. It weighs so heavy on my mind that it's hard to think or talk about anything else. I either talk about the pain or how much I hate taking anything for the pain. I talk about how soon i can get the surgery( am I'm going to have it) without putting my job in jepordy and when i do it, who is watching kids, watching me, taking care of my dog and everything associated. i have never had to let go of control in my life. I talk about what I can't do right now or it will cause more pain. I even talk about what I have and need to prepare for all this. I seem to never shut up about it and I have driven my friend and boyfriend to a point they don't want to hear another word. They don't get how scared i am and how big of a deal this is. Especially the BF.

He told me tonight he doesn't want to hear it anymore. i know i am annoying with it but he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand that the cazy things they give me to balance hormones are also affecting my bi-polar. he doesn't get any of the fear. he's the one I have to lean on for 3 weeks( we do not live together) and right now I'm so mad at him i would rather take the risk and do this without his help and tell him to take a walk. i wouldn't need the help except for my kids. I know for the most part I'm mad but I feel so unsure about so much and nothing makes me feel at ease anymore. I feel overwhelmed and just can't take it. The last thing i need was abandonment.

I can't put this off any longer but if push came to shove, could i do this without the help? I've had 2 c-sections and although it hurt, i was able to be up and around within 2 days. All i have to do is figure out how to get my son to school and back and i would be just fine.

Is it possible???
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  #2  
Unread 02-07-2012, 07:31 PM
Re: Venting (a rant and a half)

Tarirae, You have to get a grip and not let this control and take over everything. Have you thought of maybe keeping a journal about what's going on, how you feel, your fears and concerns ect. and when you close the book leave it all there till you open it up again to write again.
Now on the other side of things remember you aren't the only one going through this. Your BF and your friends are too. I'm sure they have fears too. Don't get mad at them sit down with them individually and talk with them and share your fears and express how much you love them and appreciate them. You may be in the having the surgery but they have to sit and wait and worry for the duration of the surgery wondering that all will be fine.
Valentines day is coming up show them how much you can and appreciate them. No good deed goes unnoticed.
good Luck Tarirea and don't think that a c-cection is like a hysterectomy, you are losing organs and this is major surgery. Read some of the other posts and take it one day at a time.

I'm sending you positive thoughts. Hang in there.
  #3  
Unread 02-07-2012, 07:34 PM
Re: Venting (a rant and a half)

I suggest letting your BF take care of you. The first couple of weeks are rough. And without someone to help you, you will be tempted to do more than you should. You only have one chance to heal right so you really want to take it easy. Try to give him a break from the topic. Although you feel the need to talk and communicate all this as you process it, for him it's likely overload. Remember he will also have his own fears and concerns about the surgery and your welfare. And some guys just get the heebee jeebees with the subject. He may need a break from it. Maybe go for a date night and don't talk about it all night. You won't be able to go out for a while post op. this gives you a chance to enjoy each others company without the scary reality of surgery being the main topic. And be careful in comparing this to a c section. I've never had one, but one lady on this site said it was like comparing an apple with a refrigerator.
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  #4  
Unread 02-07-2012, 09:02 PM
Re: Venting (a rant and a half)

I agree with CarolAnn - don't let this consume your life. I know it is hard when you are in a lot of pain. I don't think BF and friends are abandoning you - they are worried about you. Men tend to be fixers and BF can't fix this. So he gets frustrated with your situation. Journal or get on line to post your complaints and emotions. We are here to support you.

Regarding the c-section, since a hysterectomy is removing an organ I don't think it is comparable. Here is an article on that topic.

You will need help to recover from this surgery. You should probably plan on having help for for a few weeks with basic items such as shopping, cleaning, dishes, cooking, etc. You will not be able to pick up anything heavier than 10 pounds for six weeks, and will be restricted from driving for probably three weeks or more. You will also have to take time off work - maybe six weeks - depending on your job and your recovery.

Good luck to you. Lots of (((hugs)))
  #5  
Unread 02-07-2012, 11:28 PM
Re: Venting (a rant and a half)

B-R-E-A-T-H-E! I'm not kidding. Take some deep ones and calm down.

This is a great place to vent and get it all out. I was pretty preoccupied with it, too some days and I used this site to get it all out so when my husband and daughter got home, I could discuss a couple of new things I had learned and then move on.

I like CarolAnn's journal idea, too. If that doesn't work, see about talking with a counselor to help you get your emotions and fear in check.

Wishing you all the best,
Lila
  #6  
Unread 02-07-2012, 11:56 PM
Re: Venting (a rant and a half)

I can understand the being mad part...just went through this today. My husband wants to be there for the surgery then leave that night & come home (abt 1.5 hrs away) & not come back to the hospital me just stay there all by myself the next two days, him work & my mom keep our two small kids. I was mad. Tonight he says he will do what u want, since I was mad (my surgery is feb 14) & I was all I want you to want to be with me bc you don't want me being alone for two straight days after a major surgery, & i wanted you to want that without being told to! I know I should put my big girl panties on but i'm having a hard time doing that. So in short I canmt answer your questions but can let you know your not alone in your feelings!
  #7  
Unread 02-08-2012, 09:40 AM
Venting (a rant and a half)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by catgiggles View Post
I can understand the being mad part...just went through this today. My husband wants to be there for the surgery then leave that night & come home (abt 1.5 hrs away) & not come back to the hospital me just stay there all by myself the next two days, him work & my mom keep our two small kids. I was mad. Tonight he says he will do what u want, since I was mad (my surgery is feb 14) & I was all I want you to want to be with me bc you don't want me being alone for two straight days after a major surgery, & i wanted you to want that without being told to! I know I should put my big girl panties on but i'm having a hard time doing that. So in short I canmt answer your questions but can let you know your not alone in your feelings!
Tell your husband you're afraid to be alone and need him there. My hubs didn't want to spend the night either- he thought our 5 yr old might need him more. My mom stayed with my son and my hubs stayed with me. I had great nursing care at the hospital, but I wouldn't have felt okay emotionally if he hadn't been there.
  #8  
Unread 02-08-2012, 02:41 PM
Re: Venting (a rant and a half)

For me, this was worse than my c-section. I could not have been left alone after the surgery or been able to take care of my daughter (4 years old). There's no way. Major organs are being moved around and removed so it's a totally different feeling. It's not more painful but its more draining and so much harder to move around afterwards. You will need the help. You aren't alone in your feelings though. Just don't talk to them about it anymore, talk here. Vent here. This group is wonderful and those of us who have been down the road already understand and will never get tired of listening to you! Vent away!!! It's okay.
  #9  
Unread 02-08-2012, 10:03 PM
Re: Venting (a rant and a half)

I don't get much choice in staying alone. I'm lucky to get some help with the kids. I will be alone for 10 + hours a day. I have most stuff planned out. I wonder if it is better to sleep in bed or a recliner? Thanks for the advice. He was just overwhelmed last night
  #10  
Unread 02-09-2012, 08:05 PM
Re: Venting (a rant and a half)

You will be able to function a bit, just take things nice and slow and do things in batch mode. Have frozen lunches in the freezer that you can just pop in the microwave. That is what I did as I was alone during the day. I also made my own breakfasts - oatmeal in the microwave. The fiber was good for me, and I found it comforting.

Whether you sleep in a recliner or in a bed is really a personal choice. I slept in a bed, but some ladies found it more comfortable in a recliner.

With the recovery, listen to your body. Do not over do it, and rest, rest, rest. And absolutely no house cleaning for probably 8 weeks!

Good luck to you.

(((Hugs)))
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