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Feeling guilty! Feeling guilty!

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Unread 02-09-2012, 07:55 AM
Feeling guilty!

Hi all. Two weeks ago I had intra vaginal surgery to remove fibroids and they discovered that I have a prolapsed uterus. I just found this out at follow up appointment yesterday. I have had lower back pain and incontinence for years and in the last six months cramping and stomach pain.

The thing is, my brother has terminal cancer and I live 2,000 miles away and have promised to visit every 4 - 6 weeks. Dr. Says I need a hysterectomy and I want to have it done (appt with dr. Next week to decide what type) right away. I am concerned about how long recovery will be and when I will be able to visit my brother. I know that he will need me more later in the year than now and now that I know why I am in pain so often I just want to feel better! But still, I PROMISED that I would be there For him and he does not have a lot of support.
Sorry to go on for so long, but my mom is the person I would talk with about this and I cannot burden her with my problems at this time. Looking for support in my decision thank you!
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Unread 02-09-2012, 08:24 AM
Re: Feeling guilty!

Hi Robin, so sorry about ur brother. Any kind of laproscopic surgery whether robotic like I had or manually has a quick recovery time. This doesn't mean you should have less than 4 weeks for full recovery due to tiredness or complications, but as long as you can rest while visiting ur brother you should be fine. I had the Da Vinci laproscopic surgery and I felt great just days later. I think I may have recovered by week two had it not been for an infection. If you decide to have ur surgery and travel afterwards give urself at least 1-2 weeks before doing so and make sure there is a medical center near by that accepts ur insurance just in case you have a complication and need medical attention. Good luck to you and your brother. God Bless!
Unread 02-09-2012, 09:56 AM
Re: Feeling guilty!

Thanks for posting Scorpio! Not sure what surgery I will have yet and hoping for a quick recovery. But... I am half way across the US and I have to make a connection to get to our small home town. With drive tome to and from airports it's a 8.5 - 10.5 hour travel day and my visits involve a lot of cleaning, laundry and cooking! "resting" is not really an option as i am up and down to get him a drink, something to eat, etc. Also, it will be impossible to know what my recovery is like until I'm actually "recovering" so I will have to wait to purchase my plane tickets. It may sound like I am making bigger deal out of this than it is but this is really stressing me out!
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Unread 02-09-2012, 10:09 AM
Re: Feeling guilty!

I am so sorry to hear about your brother. Is it possible to plan a visit with your brother a week or so before you have surgery which will give you time to heal before your next 6 week visit or so. Even with a lap surgery recovery of your outside incisions heal quickly but the healing you have to do internally takes much longer. From what you are saying there will be alot of travel time between flying/driving and it doesn't sound as if resting alot is an option once there. This will not be good for your recovery if you try it too soon.

As you said, you will not know what your recovery is like or how you will feel until you are actually going through it so there may not be an easy answer at this moment. However for planning sake I would certainly plan to visit a week or two before surgery. A few weeks into recovery you will have a better idea of how you are feeling and can start making arrangements for your next visit. Is it possible to talk to your brother and tell him about your upcoming surgery so that you can explain there maybe 6-8 weeks between the visit (if all is going well) instead of 4-6 weeks? Good luck and please keep us informed.

Unread 02-09-2012, 12:13 PM
Re: Feeling guilty!

I am sorry to hear about your brother's cancer.

Have you talked to him about your hysterectomy? You said you promised to visit him every 4-6 weeks, but that was before you knew you needed surgery. You also say that you are often in pain now.

How long does your brother have? You wrote that you thought he'd need you more later on in the year. Would getting the hyster done soon help you to be better able to help your brother later on? If you could visit him soon before the surgery, would that help? Also, while you are recovering, could you Skype with him a lot to keep in communication and maybe use the money you save on airline tickets to hire someone to physically help him out during the time you'd normally be visiting?

Since you are concerned about recovery time, make sure your doctor knows how important that is to you. My GYN referred me to a surgeon who does da Vinci hysters because I wanted to have the quickest recovery possible.

Best wishes to you.

Unread 02-09-2012, 12:19 PM
Re: Feeling guilty!

I am so sorry about your brother's diagnosis. I am sure that given the option he would much rather have you have surgery. I am pre-op as well so I can't speak for how long the recovery is but from what I have heard if you can have it done robotically than you might just need to miss one visit.
Unread 02-09-2012, 05:37 PM
Re: Feeling guilty!

Robin, I think you made your decision then. To have the surgery and then visit him when you feel enough recovery. I think NYyankeelover said it best, you can schedule your Hyster right after you visit your brother next. If you rest up and don't do things you should not, you can recover enough to see him after 4 weeks.
Unread 02-09-2012, 07:34 PM
Re: Feeling guilty!

abt brother dx. I also think scheduling it for right after a visit would work perfectly. Your able to keep your promise, have the surgery you need, and have plently recovery time

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