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Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt. Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

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  #1  
Unread 02-12-2012, 06:13 AM
Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

So, we're in JC Penney yesterday and I said I wanted to get some slippers for the hospital (I wear my grungy birkenstocks at home but didn't want to take them with me). Hubby says, "Yeah but you're going to be in and out in one day, right?" Helloooo!!! Have you not been listening for the last six weeks? Then I picked up a couple pair of yoga pants and told him I wanted to have plenty since he's going to have to do my laundry for a little while. On the way home, hubby says, "I just realized that you wanted to buy extra yoga pants because you are going to be home for a while." All week he has been listening (or not) to me talk about training my replacement at work. Ugh!

Normally he's a really good guy and very supportive. I just don't know where his head has been.

So, here's a question for you. My pre-op appointment with my doctor is this Friday. The pre-op testing at the hospital is a couple of weeks later. Should I bring Mr. Clueless with me? I'm normally very independent and wouldn't dream of taking him to an appointment. I asked him if he had any questions and he said he only wanted to know how he could best support me. He'll come along if I want but I'm really not sure if I do. What did you all do?
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  #2  
Unread 02-12-2012, 06:25 AM
Re: Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

I didn't bother taking hubby to surgeon appointment, or for the pre-op blood test, although he would have come if I had wanted him to.

My hubbby was better than me for the research. It was him who found this great website. He was much more prepared than I was, and was telling me what to expect.

He had a week off work so he could make sure I rested and did not try to do anything. Great Guy!

My son was the weakest link
After I got home after 4 days in hospital he asked me, "How are your feet, Ma?"
Fine son, nothing wrong with them
Well how are your legs then?
Fine, why do you ask?
Well, Dad said you would be off your feet for a while, so I just presumed....
Doh!
As a little one he was always overhearing stuff he shouldn't. Now he is 25 he misses important stuff.
Doesn't like to think of Mom or sister having "lady bits" I suspect!
  #3  
Unread 02-12-2012, 06:51 AM
Re: Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

My husband never pays attention at my doctor's appointments. He's always thinking about work and either doesn't hear what's said or only hears bits and pieces and ends up getting it all wrong.

My husband was shocked to find out that I'd need help for more than 2 weeks post surgery. I have a 2 year old that I won't be able to lift for 6 weeks. I won't even be able to leave the house by myself because I won't be able to put her in and out of her car seat.

Then he was shocked when I told him I could be in surgery up to 5 hours (had 3 prior c-sections that make mine a bit complicated). And he has no clue as to why I'm so worried about sex after this surgery.

My husband is a very smart man, but not about this. I think it's such a big deal and something that is so completely out of his control that he's mentally checking out as a way to cope.
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  #4  
Unread 02-12-2012, 07:12 AM
Re: Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

LOL. I understand what you mean about the hubby. Mine too seems to want to be helpful but doesn't exactly get it either. He thinks I should walking around a bit after surgery to speed up recovery. I've heard him say it so much that I'm starting to think he's thinking 5K? I'm having a total Hysto w/ anterior and postier vaginal rejuvenation. I think I will be pretty close to my bed.

Anyways, I just had my pre-opt and my husband came with. I think it is a good idea. They get a better understanding of what you are up against, can help ask any questions, and nice for support. Also, I'm sure w/ all the meds we will be under it will be good to have our side-kicks knowing our schedule of when we need a stool softener or other prescribed meds by a certain time. I think it could only help if he's there covering your back. Best of Luck!
  #5  
Unread 02-12-2012, 08:25 AM
Re: Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

My hubby was adamant about going to every single appointment. OMG at times I was embarrassed.... He asked my OB-Gyn how many of these surgeries he had done and how long he has practiced..lol this doc has done one surgery on me already..HELLO.
Oh well hubby is very supportive and right there with me. I love him!!!
  #6  
Unread 02-12-2012, 10:07 AM
Re: Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

My husband did not come to my appointments. I didn't think to ask him to come. However, I sent him a link to an article that talked about what I should expect from start to finish - going to the hospital til the 6-8 week mark. Also while I was in recovery my doctor came out and spoke with him. She updated him on my condition and also advised him of his important role in my recovery. He has been great since day 1.
  #7  
Unread 02-12-2012, 10:22 AM
Re: Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

i made mine come to my final appointment. mostly because i dont think he was getting it at all in regards to just how serious this is, so i made sure that the recovery instructions were explained to him as well as me. Now he is all freaked out. i wanted to slap him yesterday he was being so annoying.

i have less than 24 hours to go, i told him i have my own stress. i dont need his as well.
  #8  
Unread 02-12-2012, 03:53 PM
Re: Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

I bought the ebook hyster mister for my husband. I think its helping him to understand. He wants to come with me to my first appointment with my surgeon. I'm used to doing this stuff alone but I'm learning it affects us both as a couple.
  #9  
Unread 02-12-2012, 03:59 PM
Re: Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

I have my pre-op tomorrow and DH is not coming with me. We talked about it last night and he doesn't have any questions about anything. I am a research fanatic so I can tell him just about anything.

This afternoon I am going to write up a list of questions to ask the doctor. I'll invite DH to add to it.

I already explained to DH that the doc said no driving for 2 weeks and no sex for 8 weeks. I asked DH if he had any concerns about sex afterward and he said no. I'm pretty sure I told him about vaginal cuffs since I am not able to keep my cervix.

If DH hadn't been with me for all my appts last year for my brain surgeries, I would insist that he come to my hyster pre-op. But I think he is feeling pretty ready for this after all the appointments and long recovery from last year. We both kind of expect this to seem like smooth sailing compared to that.
  #10  
Unread 02-12-2012, 04:16 PM
Re: Husbands can be so clueless - also a question about pre-op appt.

I did not have my husband come to any of my pre-op appointments and really didn't feel the need. I brought home my printed instructions for care both leading up to the surgery and post-op so I knew what I should and shouldn't do and I just tell him what I need and he does it. I am now 4 days post-op and it's working great for us. I don't think he really would have paid that much attention at the appointments anyway. P.S. Right now he is out shopping for compression stockings for me! He is running from store to store and calling me to let me know if they have what I want. I have a bit of restless leg syndrome and I fell in love with the compression stockings I wore in the hospital and since I can't have those at home (the ones that massage your legs like a blood pressure cuff) I want the next best thing! The compression stockings in the hospital were great! I slept much better with that constant massaging action on my legs all night long!
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