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Depression setting in Depression setting in

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  #1  
Unread 02-15-2012, 12:10 AM
Depression setting in

(Sorry this is really long and scatter brained, just venting)

I'm 4 weeks post op today and except for having the flu week 2 I've been recovering very well physically. I was feeling great up until about 3 days ago but then I started feeling really down. I just feel so alone and lonely, but at the same time I just want to be left alone and don't want anyone around me. I also am getting cabin fever and feeling very claustrophobic staying at home all day but I can't seem to get up the nerve to leave the house. I've been out a few times with my hubby and mom, but I get so tired and dizzy... it's just not worth it. None of my friends have called, texted or even responded to any Facebook posts for the last couple of weeks. It's like I don't exist anymore.

I'm supposed to go back to work on the 28th, but honestly I just don't see how I can manage it at this point. Just the thought of having to sit up in a chair listening to people yell at me for 8 hours is throwing me into a state of panic. (I work as a financial broker and tax season is always horrid).

My hubby has been amazing but even he is wearing on my nerves, which in turn makes me feel horrible and guilty. I just want to get out of this house or do something useful inside but I don't have the energy. I'm scared if I go anywhere I'll get dizzy and make a fool of myself, or worse not be able to drive myself home if I am alone.

I've suffered from panic disorder and agoraphobia for years, but was finally getting a handle on it right before my surgery. Recovering at home and not being able to force myself out of the house every day has set me back mentally with the agoraphobia. It took over a year of making myself leave the house every day so I didn't have massive panic attacks when I was out and about. Now I feel the fear creeping back in and taking over which scares me because I don't want to be that home bound person again.

Sorry, I know this is a lot of negativity and I'm rambling all over the place. I'm just so lost and scared. I'm usually very optimistic and driven to do anything to make myself feel and be better. I have no idea why I wrote all this. Guess I just needed to get it out.
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  #2  
Unread 02-15-2012, 12:51 AM
Re: Depression setting in

You are for sure not alone. I am almost 2 weeks post-op and I am depressed and about to lose my mind. You are not alone when it comes to your friends at work. Now that I am not at work everyday my so-called friends don't call, text, or facebook me either. I am considering finding a new job that is not so stressful and where I can start over and find real friends. You have came to a great website where you will find so many woman who are experiencing the same feelings you are. It is normal to not want anyone around you. You need your alone time. Start slow when getting out of the house. Just take a small walk. I have been 1 place and it was so painful. I have been a rude, yelling out of control hormonal woman that I feel guilty at the way I have treated my husband. He has been there and been great.
Just take your time when getting out there and do it when you are comfortable. Take care of yourself and rely on your sisters here to help you get through this very difficult time in your life.

Shawna

  #3  
Unread 02-15-2012, 02:55 AM
Re: Depression setting in

Thanks so much for your reply Shawna. It means a lot to hear I'm not the only one feeling this way. Last week I was feeling great and was planning a special Valentine's evening for my hubby. When he got home from work it was all I could do to not be a hormonal nightmare, (fake smiles and "I'm ok's" all evening). I guess that was my tipping point tonight, hence the long post, lol. I keep telling myself that this will pass, but I'm so afraid of sinking back into my agoraphobia shell. Le sigh... Thank god for this site and all the sisters going through this together. (((Hugs))).
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  #4  
Unread 02-15-2012, 02:24 PM
Re: Depression setting in

Very sorry you are feeling this way but you aren't alone! I've never struggled with depression however experienced the same symptoms you state. I will say it gets better. I had panic attacks thinking about going back to work and having to sit all day at my desk job. It was tough the first two weeks but has been better. I get up as soon as I start to feel uncomfortable and would suggest you get up and walk when ever you can. It seems to help. My "friends" also stopped calling, emailing and facebooking. I'm not sure why other than maybe they don't want to offend/hurt me???? Can't really tell why but you aren't alone in this. This site is wonderful and there are a lot of women who have experienced and worked past these problems on this site. Hang in there!!!!!
  #5  
Unread 02-15-2012, 02:35 PM
Re: Depression setting in

What you are feeling is normal. It is a difficult surgery and post-op. My hyst was also in the winter time and I believe it is more problematic. Walking around the house will help with the dizzy feelings when you go out. Please do short trips first and never by yourself! Just riding in the car is worse than you ever remember (lol) . Dont concern yourselves with what your "friends" are not doing as they honestly cannot relate to what you are going thru. This forum is great for venting and positive feedback! Keep your minds occupied with positive thoughts even if you have to write them on post it notes and put all over! I sometimes felt like I could scream at the top of my lungs but it would hurt so I didnt. The hormones are all over the place and wheather or not you do hormone treatments it will still take time for your body to regulate.

Take care and keep venting here! We have been there done that!

Rhonda
  #6  
Unread 02-15-2012, 02:44 PM
Re: Depression setting in

I'll be 5 weeks post op tomorrow and I just started acting irrationally. Crying, feeling panicky and that's NOT ME. I've never in my life felt out of control or depressed or irrational, so this is very frustrating. I KNOW it's hormonal so I'm trying not to allow it to control my mind. But it's tough. Real tough. And I go back to work tomorrow. I hope no one says anything silly to me. I'm afraid I'll burst into tears. :-/
  #7  
Unread 02-15-2012, 02:58 PM
Re: Depression setting in

You definitely not alone in feeling alone and being depressed or being a rude yelling (lord how we can yell) machine....first from what i was told after my surgery depression is normal part of it, the anethestic can take a while to leave some ppl leaving them tired and lethargic, instant menopause is something not nice lol

there are lots of ladies on this site who have found out just how good their "friends" were, some have not talked to them again and ones they didnt think were friends were the ones calling to see how they are doing....funny how that works out...

since you had existing issues with panic disorder it is adding to it....do try getting up walking around the house , do you have a treadmill? cause you can walk slowly to that on no incline, if not try going for a short walk with hubby to the end of the driveway each day

I can remember feeling soooo alone with no human contact which was funny as there were 3 adult children in the house the whole time, one was in his bedrrom the other two downstairs only coming out when hungry..lol i can laugh now but i was totally ticked off and let them have it...

i am still battling with that side of menopause, the depression and emotions and anger but i know each day i may be able to control it a bit at a time lol

wander through the site, read the posts, post, eventually the tiredness will go, along with the lack of energy,

we are here for you
  #8  
Unread 02-15-2012, 03:09 PM
Re: Depression setting in

You are all so amazing, thank you so much! I'm feeling less depressed today, just kind of in the mood of 'forget everyone else, Rawr!', lol. I've been doing so many laps in my house I swear I'm wearing out the carpet, lol. Today I'm organizing all the mail I haven't looked at in a month and I'm also writing letters to people expressing my hurt and frustration. You don't send the letters, its just a form of therapy. It really works and releases a lot of the pent up frustration.
(((BIG HUGS))) to you all. I'm sorry you're all feeling this way too, but its comforting to know we're not alone!
  #9  
Unread 02-15-2012, 05:10 PM
Re: Depression setting in

Hi I know what your going through And I had my surgery when I was 25 years old! I felt lonely and scared. I only have one child with no husband! Its been 4 years ago since the surgery and now its like I am more emotional than ever before but I pray everyday!
  #10  
Unread 02-16-2012, 05:08 AM
Re: Depression setting in

I am so sorry. I too am feeling the blues. I can rationalize that it's my hormones. Or should I say, "Horror-mones" It still doesn't make it any easier. I had a friend that out of everyone in my life has not called, texted, FB, nothing. I see her on FB all the time so I know she has time. Why not enough time just to send me a quick text saying, How are you? It hurts. It makes me think that we didn't have that strong of friendship. I need to get out of the house I think. I have only left once. Maybe a trip to the library to get a book. I hope that your days continue to improve!
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