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No kids and hysterectomy scheduled No kids and hysterectomy scheduled

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Unread 02-22-2012, 11:02 AM
No kids and hysterectomy scheduled

So I am 29 years old and have struggled with endometriosis for years. I have been on Depo Lupron for just over 4 YEARS and the side effects are finally too much for me to take. My hysterectomy is scheduled for Apr. 26. I don't have any kids of my own although I do have a step-son who is 8. As much as I love him, it's not the same. I have always teetered on whether I wanted to have kids or not, with many of my adult years being that I didn't want them. I love ot work and travel and felt like children wouldn't be condusive to the life I wanted. Before I started on Lupron, I pushed to just go right to the hysterectomy but the Dr wouldn't do it because of my age. I honestly think I would have coped better then than I am now with this because I was really deadset on the no kids things. Now that I am a little older and facing this same procedure I wanted before, I am starting to doubt my reasoning for not wanting kids. I was raised in a very disfunctional home and I have always been scared that I would create the same environment for my family because that's all I knew. Now that I know I can create a loving environment for a family, I wonder how much reasoning I put into that reason for not wanting children. Then of course, I argue with myself back and forth if I am making the right decision and then another voice in the back of my mind reminds me that the argument is moot because my parts aren't capable of procuring a pregnany anyways. Is there anyone else going through this insanity right now? The emotional turmoil is very shocking to me considering how eager and confident I initially felt in my decision. Sorry to ramble on with this...Forgive me,
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Unread 02-22-2012, 03:44 PM
Re: No kids and hysterectomy scheduled


I don't have children and I don't wanna have children. Getting rid of my womb has always been the ultimate dream for me. I hated it while it was there and it has always just caused me trouble.

However, if I was in your position, I'd try everything to have children before hyst, because there is a chance you will regret it deeply. It doesn't mean you will, but if you already feel like this now, imagine how it's gonna be when you wake up without a womb...

I'd look for doctors who could help me try to get pregnant. Perhaps there is a way.

In my case, I'm just happy I can't have children.
Unread 02-22-2012, 05:49 PM
Re: No kids and hysterectomy scheduled

Hi Sister,

No forgiveness necessary! These are important issues and you want to address them fully.

I think the real question here is-- in your deepest heart of hearts, do you want your own biologic child? It's a tough question, so no wonder you're ambivalent. You're right, you may not be able to get pregnant. But you might! And if you do want to, you know that there is a time-frame to fertility, especially if there are fertility challenges.

I, too, came from a dysfunctional family. My sister had her tubes tied in her early twenties because she was sure she didn't want children. She had to find a surgeon who would do it for her at her age, but she found one. There have been a couple of times she wondered if she did the right thing, but ultimately, she's been happy with her decision. She is now 58, and living a full life. I wanted children, and married a man who wanted children too. But I wasn't able to get pregnant. Our marriage ended, in large part over that. I don't know why I wasn't able to. I never tried to do it on my own, because I feared that I wouldn't be a good single parent, and at the time, I couldn't afford the infertility treatment.

I have also had a full, and mostly happy life so far. I am 56 now, and at peace all of that. I dote particularly on my nieces and nephews, and I work with children. I think in retrospect, that if I had truly wanted to try for pregnancy or adopt, I would have found a way.

Most of all, I glad that you have found it within yourself to know that you can create a loving home for a child. There's a story there, and I'm sure you've done some hard emotional work to get to this good place.

If your endometriosis gets to the point that you really have no other alternative than hysterectomy, then you may want to consider having some eggs frozen and preserved, for use with a surrogate later if you want. There are risks and costs, but it leaves the door open.

Take good care of yourself in the meantime. There are counselors who specialize in fertility issues--your doctor should be able to refer you. Best wishes, whatever you decide.
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Unread 02-22-2012, 06:03 PM
Re: No kids and hysterectomy scheduled

This is a big decision you're facing. There are a lot of emotions involved with removing your uterus and it can be very difficult. I am still struggling with it on a daily basis. My point is: once it's done, it's done. They can't put it back in. So make sure you're at peace with your decision. The regret is very hard to live with. I suggest counseling while you wait for your surgery. It's not until late August - you have lots of time to cancel if you change your mind.
Unread 02-23-2012, 08:56 PM
Re: No kids and hysterectomy scheduled

I was in your shoes .... no kids ... little to no interest until surgery was scheduled.

Then it seemed like whirlwind of what ifs ... I drove my husband and girlfriends crazy.

In the end a girlfriend's husband pulled me aside, he had simple advice. If I hadn't been interested all this time, the only reason I was now was because I wasn't in control anymore. He was right, a year later I've thought on it 2-3 times .... always the same thoughts "thank goodness I didn't talk myself out of surgery!"

In the end it must be your own personal decision, and it must take however long it takes to make it.

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