HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS! | HysterSisters
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Unread 02-27-2012, 12:29 PM

Hey everyone,

After a long and winding road to the land of hyster, I will finally be getting my date next Monday when I go to my GYN for my uterine biopsy results. My date will, in all likelihood, be about three weeks from now. I will be having a TLH w/RSO for Stage II endo, fibroids, and endometrial hyperplasia. I bleed for roughly three weeks out of the month, and I've required blood transfusions due to anemia. I have a rough time w/hormonal treatments due to migraines.

Anyway, I'm 33 w/twin five-year-old kindergartners, and I'm trying to prepare my hubby for what to expect after I come home from the castle, i.e. no driving, no heavy lifting, no cleaning, etc. I told him of my plans to prep meals ahead of time. He thinks I'm nuts. He had LAP-BAND surgery a year ago and thinks my recovery will be similar to his - he had surgery on a Thursday and went back to work the next Monday. I keep trying to tell him that this is much more complex than simply inserting a plastic circle around one's stomach and that major organs are being extracted from my body, but he doesn't seem to understand. I've had major surgery before, with varying recovery times, all while we've been married, so you'd think he'd get the picture, but he just doesn't seem to get it.

I don't know what to do, since this surgery is going to happen regardless... I have a great network of friends and family, so thank goodness for that!

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Unread 02-27-2012, 12:50 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

Carlyhan78: My husband is being a bit clueless, as well. I think it is partly because the idea of me being in pain and not my typical strong self is a worry for him. he doesn't do it well.

I have started sending him links from this site, my friends have been throwing subtle hints and I took him to the pre-op with me. I am lucky to have friends that will step in case he doesn't, but I suspect he will come around. I have an eleven y.o. and 3 y.o. ... He just started lecturing me on not overdoing here's hoping there is a clue starting to show.

I wish you much luck wtih yours. Big hugs and understandings coming your way.
Unread 02-27-2012, 01:18 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

I have another clueless husband and I have a 5 yr old, 3 yr old, and 2 yr old to care for. He's taking 4 days off of work. My surgery is next Tuesday. He won't return to work until the following Monday and so he thinks I should be fine to return to being full time mom and wife by then. I keep telling him this is major surgery. I keep telling him this is even bigger than my c-sections, but he totally is not getting it and I worry about how much he is going to emotionally check out. I keep telling myself it's just 6 weeks that I have to get through.

I'm on my period now. My periods are heavy and painful. I'm so close to my surgery date that I cannot take anything for the pain now so last night I was laid up on the couch with a heating pad in total pain. My husbands asked if after my surgery will I be done with all of this bleeding and cramping. I was surprised that an educated man would ask this question and after all the information I've given him. I told him that they are taking my uterus out. He asked if that meant my periods and cramps would be over.

*sigh* It's just 6 weeks, then I can get back to my life.
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Unread 02-27-2012, 08:33 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

I have a clueless husband too! I feel like all he ever does is state the obvious without taking into consideration all the feelings and emotions that come with making a decision like this!

He is a police officer (NYPD) and I'm lucky to have him home all day, did I just say lucky?!! Lol!
I have three girls, 8,6 & 3 and he will have to take care of the girls while I recover. That doesn't worry me (too much).
My house is clean because I've been a cleaning machine so I know that it will be easy for him to maintain it until I can do it.
He likes to cook so they will be ok without me cooking.

I really just wish he'd take the time to actually listen to how I feel! I don't think that he realizes that this is major surgery and that bothers me too...

Ok, I've vented enough, now I must get back to obsessing over this hyster on THURSDAY!!!!

Good luck to you all!!! Hopefully our husbands will get a!!
Unread 02-27-2012, 10:32 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

Hi All, Have you gone to the Misterhyster part on this site? There is great information there you can print off and give it to him, - go to support and then to for men, if he hasnt come to an appt, then make sure he is there when the dr talks to you after the surgery so he can hear first hand how you need to take it easy, in fact ask your dr exactly what you can and can not do in front of your husband

Good luck to you all and remember to post to your recovery thread for your date.
Unread 02-27-2012, 10:50 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one... I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me for thinking that the hubby should be a little more understanding about the whole situation.

My mom is going to come and help for a couple of days if she can - she owns her own business so it's hard to get away - and my friend has offered to help with school pick up and drop off. Moms from my Mothers of Preschoolers group have offered to help w/meals so we won't starve, but I'm going to need to be a cleaning machine before my date, too, or else the house is going to go to you-know-where (my two tornadoes can really do a lot damage in a day).

Thanks for suggesting the Mr. Hystersister site. Good luck to everyone with your upcoming surgeries and I'll see you around!

Unread 02-27-2012, 11:35 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

Mine was clueless as well, I'm sure me thought I was a nutter.

After the surgery, when he saw and understood, I didn't have to say a word, he just started taking up the slack.

My advice would be to prepare yourself and your home as best you can, let family and friends know you'll need help and tell him everything even if it doesn't seem to penetrate, lol!
Unread 02-27-2012, 11:47 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

My husband was pretty clueless about it all leading up to it as well. If fact, a few days before surgery I broke down sobbing about never being able to have children and he said well could they just save your eggs for later...I snapped out of it for a minute looked at him and said, I'm having a hysterectomy and they're removing my uterus and ovaries!!! He finally got it and has been wonderfully supportive through the whole thing. Today he even did the floors and laundry!! :-) You'll be amazed how they step up to the plate when you really need them too!!! Have a little faith, I bet you'll be surprised!

Best of luck to you in a speedy recovery!!!!
Unread 02-28-2012, 12:38 AM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

Just keep telling him what it will involve. I know some women who use analagies such as how would you feel if they took your ...... and pulled it out. I would just say guess what I can not do the following: ;cooking, laundry, lifting the kids, etc., etc.
Unread 02-28-2012, 03:38 AM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

Men are clueless. I prepped all my meals ahead of time had in freezer it was a lifesaver. I still have meals and we are eating them. Mr Man here had a cold last week, you would think he was on deaths bed. It was a cold not major surgery. Getting him to carry the laundry down the stairs was a jok. So i would throw it done a little bit at a time till it was all downstairs and then I woul wash it and as soon as a bit was dry I folded it and brought it up so I din't have heavy basket of clothes. He nearly died when he had to go to Petco and buy a 50 lb bag of cat food. He is not looking forward to cat litter purchase. Says its too much work. MEN!!!! They just don't get it!!!

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