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Unread 02-28-2012, 01:13 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

Totalhysta: Thank you for the suggestion of the MisterHyster site. I sent it to my hubby today and he read it.

I have lots of hope that he is just being quiet as a way of dealing with his own worries and that he will be wonderful when this is done.
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Unread 02-28-2012, 01:31 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

(((Sister))) I also struggled with a husband who just didn't get it.

When I had my surgery, we had a 3-year-old son, and I had a teenaged daughter from my first marriage. I had told my husband about the surgery, and he said it was no big deal -- I'd be up and around and back to normal in 7-10 days, right? I said nothing.

A couple of days later, when I sat with the scheduling surgeon (a very intense-looking Latino with the first name Jesus!), I mentioned what my husband had said. He had been furiously typing on his computer, but he did a double-take and slowly shook his head. "The INITIAL recovery time is 6-8 weeks." Then he went back to typing on his computer.

So, that evening, I very calmly told my husband that my doctors were telling me I'd be off work for several weeks, and that I'd have lifting and other activity restrictions, too. He looked skeptical but said nothing.

A few days later, he casually said to me, "So I guess we should ask C (my dd) to stay with us for a couple of months after your surgery, huh?" I asked him why, and he said, "Well, it looks like you'll be pretty much out of commission for a while, and I'll need help with cooking and taking care of M (our son)." I asked him if he had been reading my books, and all he said was, "I can use a computer, too."

To my hubby's credit, he never ONCE asked me to do anything I wasn't supposed to do during my recovery. I didn't have to put a dish in the dishwasher, do any laundry, touch the vacuum cleaner, or run errands. All I did was run the remote on the TV, get my own drinks (sometimes), and work on my recovery.

Here's a great link to get you started on the task of educating your husband:

Abdominal Hysterectomy from The Mayo Clinic

There's a ton of information out there, but even the most skeptical person should believe the information put out by Mayo! This piece does a great job explaining the procedure, possible complications, and also gives some realistic (i.e., weeks of healing, not days) ideas of how long it will take to heal.

Also remember -- these are just guides. I happened to be a "slow healer". It doesn't make me a bad person -- it's just that what takes a week for others takes about 10 days for me. I also had a large (hip-to-hip) incision and it took ten weeks for the incision to close up! Not everyone heals at the same rate.

And finally, the true healing from major surgery usually takes up to one year. That's right -- one year. Until then, you may find yourself facing lots of fatigue (and I mean LOTS of fatigue), soreness, swelling, and other annoyances. This is to be expected. Your body goes through a real physical trauma when you have surgery, and it's not something you want to rush on the healing side!

to all.
Unread 02-28-2012, 09:18 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

I read him things I find on hystersisters constantly. He probably knows more information than he needs to know, but he is no longer clueless and I know he will be prepared for my recovery issues. I sit in the living room on my laptop while he plays video games some evenings and I am constantly chattering to him about new things I find out. He's actually interested, so it's good!
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Unread 02-28-2012, 09:19 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!


Here is a link to Mister Hystersisters:

Mister Hystersisters

Sometimes hubbies shut down a little due to their own fears and concerns for our safety. Some men just don't get it that not only are major organs being removed, but arteries are being moved and ligaments and other organs are being manipulated, etc. Trust me, you won't bounce back in a couple days. Stand your ground and don't pick up a broom or do the laundry! You have one chance to heal properly. So make friends with your dust bunnies.
Unread 02-29-2012, 12:05 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

My bf has been clueless as well and it is beyond frustrating. I brought him to my pre-op yesterday which was great. He actually asked lots of questions. My dr has been great about giving me literature, so i have it laying in the bathroom as reading material for him. When he did ask questions I could tell he had read the stuff. Thankfully my boys are 11 and 12 and i have explained that i am going to need their help for awhile. Been doing spring cleaning around the house so it will be easier to keep up for the guys.
I think now is the most frustrating though for me. Being in pain and miserable and he will make comments like "wow, you have small burst of energy" or comments regarding always using the heaing pad of my period being here again..I have wished many times to trade places for a day or so. Big hugs sent your way and hoping all these guys step up while we are in recovery..
Unread 02-29-2012, 01:09 PM
Re: HELP! Hubby is CLUELESS!

I think it is because most men think that they should be able to "fix" things themselves, and they just don't know what to do when it is out of their hands. Just be patient with them and let them know exactly what you need from them; even though you may have to remind them. I know that sometimes we think they should be able to read our minds, but sadly that is not the case And make sure they know how much we appreciate all the little things they do for us!

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