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Finding out who your friends are Finding out who your friends are

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Unread 03-01-2012, 09:19 AM
Finding out who your friends are

So I find myself a little bummed out today. It has been 9 days since my TAH, and only one friend has called to see how I am doing. I lead a table at MOPS, am involved in a bible study group, and am involved in my neighborhood. All these ladies that I know offered all sorts of help, etc. in the days leading up to my surgery. Now, they have fallen off the face of the earth. It just feel like maybe they don't know what to do with me or what to say, so they have all chosen to say nothing at all. Kinda hurts my feelings, which are easily hurt these days anyways.
Anyone else find that all their friends ran for the hills during their recovery?
I do appreciate this website. It has helped with my sanity and provided me with a new source of friends who know what I am going through.
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Unread 03-01-2012, 09:25 AM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

You are not alone. I had a couple of friends that helped me a lot through my recovery, but some that I thought would be there, simply weren't. I still, to this day, don't know why, but the friendships have been strained ever since. Sometimes I think that it is just that they don't know what to say. They are maybe afraid of saying or doing something wrong. They may not realize that we really don't need them to say anything, just be there.

Maybe you could talk to them and let them know how you are feeling. Let them know that you need them to be there for you.

You are definitely not alone in this. I think it happens quite often. I hope things turn around for you...and if not, you ALWAYS have us!!!

Unread 03-01-2012, 09:27 AM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

Oh yes this is quite common, saying that they may want to give you healing time before they call, they are unsure of what to say or they are just plain and simply not worth the bother of worrying over. Why don't you invite them round xx
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Unread 03-01-2012, 09:39 AM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

Thanks ladies. If I didn't find this website I would be crazy with boredom and loneliness by now. I would love it for someone to just come hang out and watch a movie with me. I mean, a woman can only watch so many chick flicks by herself!
Unread 03-01-2012, 09:43 AM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

It does get should give them a call and see if they can come hang out and watch some sappy movies with you!! Maybe they are just waiting for you to let them know you are ready for visitors??

Unread 03-01-2012, 11:33 AM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

I can truly relate, this surgery made me understand the true meaning of friendship. It does get lonely.
Unread 03-01-2012, 11:53 AM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

Ladies, you are right. I will just see if anyone wants to come watch movies or visit. Then if they blow me off I will know it is time to find some new friends.
Unread 03-01-2012, 11:57 AM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

I guess I was very fortunate. The women from our church provided meals for us for two weeks and we got phone calls and a few visits though I really did not want to see anyone. What surprised me was my sister did not come see me at all during my recovery, however she stepped up and looked after my dad for me. My hubby took a week off work and he NEVER misses work and my girlfriend came to see me while I was in pre-op waiting to go into surgery.
Unread 03-01-2012, 02:15 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

I've been really feeling let down by a couple of people. There were some that I knew would head for the hills, but I was shocked by others. Even family has not checked in with me. People thought I was being dramatic being worried about Cancer and then were stunned when the decision was made for the TAH. And I think now they really don't know what to say. My ol\ reliable friend is staying here with me and said that it was really hard to know how to feel as a friend. Not knowing what to say and yet going through her own issues of mortality and whatnot. While she gave me a good window into the why, I just know I'd never avoid someone because I didn't know what to say.

Anyways blah blah, you're totally not alone lol
Unread 03-01-2012, 02:32 PM
Re: Finding out who your friends are

Yep, I hear ya. I'm disappointed too in my friends. What I really want is for someone to call (even better, to visit, but all of my friends are a couple hours away). Instead, I might get a post on my Facebook asking how I'm doing. My BFF told me she'd visit me the first week post-op and she didn't. She hasn't mentioned it since.

I think the time I've spent alone in recovery mode amplifies the situation. I have too much time to think about things (or maybe it's a good amount of time) and I'm disappointed that the empathy we feel from our sisters online here isn't demonstrated by our own friends. But maybe that's the hitch: my friends have never had major abdominal surgery where a major organ (and a child-bearing one at that) has been removed. So they really can't empathize. And honestly, were I living in the same town, I would probably not feel so disconnected.

So, having said all that, please know that you're not alone. In fact, when I read your post, I was so happy to realize that I'm not alone! THANK YOU for posting how you're feeling.


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