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The awkward question... The awkward question...

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  #1  
Unread 03-12-2012, 03:10 PM
The awkward question...

So, I am not scheduled for my surgery yet, but we are looking at mid April. I have an ultrasound scheduled for the day after tomorrow and I have a generalized idea of what surgery and what post op will be like because I had an appendectomy 7 months ago. It is not the same, but it is the closest thing I have experienced. My only real concern about the whole thing is when you can return to a physical relationship with your spouse. We have a very passionate physical relationship and the idea of waiting 6-8 weeks before being able to resume intercourse is daunting and it almost makes me want to cancel the surgery. Crazy I know, but it is what I feel. My question is, how strict is the 6-8 week time frame. After I had my kids, I was told no sex for 6 weeks, but we never followed that rule. A week was unrealistic to me. Are the guidelines about sex the same as the guidelines after having a kid. Are they just guidelines or are they strict. I am assuming that if I have a vaginal hysterectomy, I am not going to want to have sex as the surgical site will be right there, but if I have an abdominal one and feel up to it after a week or two, is it okay so long as we go slow?
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  #2  
Unread 03-12-2012, 05:04 PM
Re: The awkward question...

Definitely discuss with your doctor, and then take what s/he says seriously. It's all for your own safety, and the sacrifices you make during your recovery are for your health and to prevent further problems. There are so many things that could go wrong, and you need to take care of yourself. I think the guidelines are strict, and for good reason.
Reading on this website will give you a good idea of what it's like - people who have pushed it too soon, had complications, etc., and they give good advice.
See how it goes and don't ignore what's happening inside you that you can't necessarily feel. Good luck!!
  #3  
Unread 03-12-2012, 05:13 PM
Re: The awkward question...

Believe me, you'll be sore, swollen and tired - don't know about anyone else but sex was the last thing I wanted! 6 weeks post-op and I'd still rather have a nice glass of wine! I'm sure this will pass but I'm still a bit nervous.... for now my advice would be to just get through your surgery and worry about your sex life later, you have all the time in the world!
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  #4  
Unread 03-12-2012, 05:28 PM
Re: The awkward question...

There are various factors to take into consideration, but the type of surgery, and which "bits" you have removed are significant.

The "swelly belly", will be tender and sore for some weeks, and you will definately very tired. I could not bear any weight squashing down! Even after 4 months I still cannot lie on my tummy.

The main reasons why doctors say - no sex- are:
Internal stitches could rip!;
risk of introducing infection to open wounds, while the stitches are healing; (even fingers)
If you have your cervix removed, some surgeons sew across the top of the vagina, making it shorter, so you need to take it gently;
Stitches around the vaginal cuff need time to heal;
Losing ovaries can induce surgical menopause, so you could get dryness of the vagina.

Best advice from ladies is lots of lub once you are ready to give it a try, and take it slow at first.
If you start bleeding, stop and try again later once the damaged area has healed.
the doctor will be the one to advise, although some women posting felt their doc was way out, and waited a bit longer till their felt their body was ready for it.
Hope this helps.
  #5  
Unread 03-12-2012, 05:33 PM
The awkward question...

  Quote:
Originally Posted by mrslibrarylady View Post
There are various factors to take into consideration, but the type of surgery, and which "bits" you have removed are significant.

The "swelly belly", will be tender and sore for some weeks, and you will definately very tired. I could not bear any weight squashing down! Even after 4 months I still cannot lie on my tummy.

The main reasons why doctors say - no sex- are:
Internal stitches could rip!;
risk of introducing infection to open wounds, while the stitches are healing; (even fingers)
If you have your cervix removed, some surgeons sew across the top of the vagina, making it shorter, so you need to take it gently;
Stitches around the vaginal cuff need time to heal;
Losing ovaries can induce surgical menopause, so you could get dryness of the vagina.

Best advice from ladies is lots of lub once you are ready to give it a try, and take it slow at first.
If you start bleeding, stop and try again later once the damaged area has healed.
the doctor will be the one to advise, although some women posting felt their doc was way out, and waited a bit longer till their felt their body was ready for it.
Hope this helps.
This did help. Thank you. I can see there are actual reasons now. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't like having a kid which is different for everyone. It gives me more of an idea now. Thank you again.
  #6  
Unread 03-12-2012, 05:46 PM
Re: The awkward question...

The guidelines are strict. I was cleared for sex at 8 weeks but we waited until 9 weeks because I was still having pain. I was so sore, swollen and gross feeling that sex was the last thing I wanted. Most of us don't feel sexy at all.

I have read several threads about women who have had sex early, had to have a second surgery due to DH tearing through their vaginal cuff. There are some very scary stories about this. Even if you have abdominal surgery, if your cervix is removed you will have a vaginal cuff. This takes time to heal. The rule isn't just "no sex", it's nothing in the vagina at all. You need to ask your doctor for clearance before having "outercourse" because most doctors want us to have complete pelvic rest (no orgasms).

Six weeks may sound like a long time, but really it's nothing at all in the scheme of things. And you owe it to yourself to allow your body to heal properly.
  #7  
Unread 03-12-2012, 05:48 PM
Re: The awkward question...

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Steena View Post
Believe me, you'll be sore, swollen and tired - don't know about anyone else but sex was the last thing I wanted! 6 weeks post-op and I'd still rather have a nice glass of wine! I'm sure this will pass but I'm still a bit nervous.... for now my advice would be to just get through your surgery and worry about your sex life later, you have all the time in the world!
LOL I'm with you sister!!! 6 weeks out and can't even think about all that quite yet!!!! Getting dinner with a girlfriend tonight and looking forward to that glass of wine!
  #8  
Unread 03-12-2012, 06:07 PM
Re: The awkward question...

I had the same thoughts at first. After having my first baby via c-section, my husband and I ignored my doctor's orders and had sex 8 days after my surgery. I hurt like crazy for 3 days and am very lucky I didn't do any internal damage. I thought a hysterectomy was similar to a c-section, but it's not.

What these ladies have said about the vaginal cuff tearing is very true. I've read many stories from normal women without complications that had their vaginal cuffs tear during intercourse even up to 14 weeks post op. Most end up in the ER with pain, bleeding and/or passing fluid, only to discover their intestines are coming through their torn vaginal cuff and must have a 2nd emergency surgery to repair the damage.

I keep reading over and over on this site the wise advice that you only get 1 opportunity to heal right the first time.

I over did it after all 3 of my c-sections. I had kids to care for, and felt I had to do everything the right way. But, I'm going to take a huge back seat this time, let house work pile up, and just let myself heal. An 8 week recovery in the grand scheme of things is nothing to have a future free of bleeding, cramping, and birth control pills.
  #9  
Unread 03-12-2012, 06:08 PM
Re: The awkward question...

I myself have not had my surgery waiting to see a new dr in April. B
ut i have had many related surgeries and 2 c sections. I can say you will be sore and most likely not want to be touched. Cuddling is my best friemd most days still. My boy friend and I tend to be very intimate but the last few weeks I have been very uncomfortable and he understands. I know it feels like a lomg long time but your loving spouse will understand and prefer you happy healthy and enjoying the intimacy over rushing and causing long term damage. Definatly talk to your dr about this concern before surgery and have your spouse with you sp he will also know why and what it all entails. Good luck !
  #10  
Unread 03-12-2012, 06:13 PM
The awkward question...

  Quote:
Originally Posted by AshleeDawn View Post
I myself have not had my surgery waiting to see a new dr in April. B
ut i have had many related surgeries and 2 c sections. I can say you will be sore and most likely not want to be touched. Cuddling is my best friemd most days still. My boy friend and I tend to be very intimate but the last few weeks I have been very uncomfortable and he understands. I know it feels like a lomg long time but your loving spouse will understand and prefer you happy healthy and enjoying the intimacy over rushing and causing long term damage. Definatly talk to your dr about this concern before surgery and have your spouse with you sp he will also know why and what it all entails. Good luck !
My husband is a good guy in that regards. He does exactly what the doc says. When we had our kids I never told him you are supposed to wait and he didn't know different so I got to make it up. If I tell him 6 weeks, he will likely make me wait 8. With our first I told him we could donor whenever and he made me wait two weeks for good measure. With my second, I got my way after 4 days because doc said whenever I felt up to it. I will wait. Sounds as though I won't be in the mood and it is my mood that dictates how often things happen. I just happen to be a mostly healthy 30 year old. Thank you all for the advice. I will follow it.
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