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tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned) tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned)

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  #1  
Unread 03-22-2012, 06:46 AM
tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned)

At 5 weeks, my body is actually doing pretty well. MY incision is really taking it`s time to heal and probably bothers me the most. I`m still getting pinches and twinges but they are getting better and less frequent. As are most other weird things that have crept up and eased off.


My head space is a different thing altogether and my reality is once again my reality. All my help left last thursday and I've been transitioning to being mother of 4 and homemaker once again. Resting options are minimal and my kids, bless them are terrible helpers lol They try, so I don't dare say anything to contradict their effort but they are young kids.

I'm finding myself a little bit angry, or maybe frustrated. People keep suggesting that Some magic all better button is going to switch on the day of 6 weeks. I know this isn`t so, while I feel more like myself already. I`m not close to better yet... I know it`s okay, I`m grateful to have only had small bumps in the road but I find myself increasingly irritated by those that don`t really get it. And disappointed that the support I thought I had, really hasn`t been supportive. In the next breath they say rest, which is also not an option most of most days. My reality is 4 kids and a husband that works excessively long days so I can stay home. Time off is not an option for him, or for the sustainability of our family. I`m tired of saying i`m fine when I`m not, but I can`t stand the awkward silence when I want to vent about how much this sucks..

I feel like I am being a big baby right now, but I need some sort of something from someone who gets it, because right now I am feeling awfully alone in my head..
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  #2  
Unread 03-22-2012, 07:58 AM
Re: tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned)

I do get it. I feel that sometimes "life" gets in the way of healing. Can anyone come in for a short time daily, or some days, to watch the kids while you rest (easier said than done, I know)? I'm not sure which things the kids are helping with----cleaning up? Making simple meals like lunch? Are there other things they can try, or switch to? It may be necessary for now that their efforts just be "good enough" and leave perfection for later. Can you hire someone to come in and do some cleaning? I get that sometimes just none of those things are possible. I'm an advocate of not saying it's fine, but having some line like "I'm trying to be fine but it's a slow process" or whatever gets the message across, gently. Are you in a church that might help? I think people do expect us to be all better, when really your job (SAHM?) Is hard at the best of times. Sometimes no advice helps, I know, and just venting might help. Hang in there, you are not alone, there are women here who understand.
  #3  
Unread 03-22-2012, 08:18 AM
Re: tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned)

Valerie, I could have written this one myself. I want to just give you a big hug right now. Too bad we aren't neighbors, my four kids and yours could at least get together and entertain one another while we cried about our frustrations! My mother in law was staying then flipped out at 3 weeks and left. My husband works 12 hour overnight shifts and also goes to school full time. I don't see too much of him. My mother has it in her head that 4 weeks was the magic recovery number and I should be doing just fine. It was only recently, when my abdominal incision opened up while I was trying to change my 2 year old, that she offered to at least come put my kids in bed at night while dh is working. It seemed like I had awesome support the first 3 weeks, then everyone just disappeared like all should be fine and dandy. My mother in law had a TAH 30 years ago, so I was at first getting sympathy from her, but then she did a 180???
I am trying to round up help from friends and neighbors at least around the lunch-nap hour. Because of my open incision, I was told to not bend for anything. haha! Tell that to my 2 year old and his dirty diaper!
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone!!
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  #4  
Unread 03-22-2012, 08:22 AM
Re: tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned)

I think the recovery period, however long it ends up being, is your own, and only YOU know what you can and cannot do.

The other night, i had a crying fit like I've never had in my entire life...huge sobs, snot everywhere, ugly, ugly, crying LOL I don't even know where it came from but it made me realize that I'm NOT as strong as I thought I was but you know what? That's OK! That crying fit had me stuck in bed all day the next day though because it wore me right out!

Also, I've come to realize that expecting other people to "get it" and "understand" what I'm going through, is MY problem...not theirs. We just can't expect that from people who haven't been in our shoes because it's unfair to them. They just don't have the ability to get it because they've never experienced it. My life has revolved around this for so long and I'm the one that has done the research and I'm the one consumed by this every single day. My friends, my inlaws, my family, while all of them have good intentions, they all have their own lives and their own problems and they can't be as tuned in to MY issues as I would love them to be So, i just try to be patient with them and when they ask how I'm doing, I just tell them "today was a good day" or "Today wasn't my best day, but I'm pluggin along" and then just consider myself lucky because they actually thought to ask. No one will EVER know how hard it is unless they've been through it themselves.

Sorry, I'm rambling. If you want to vent, come here and vent because we ALL get it And we love ya like a sister, remember?

I agree, it can be very lonely and exhausting. If you have good friends, they can't help you if you don't ask for it. So start asking if you can! Ask for a dinner, or a visit or a babysitter or whatever makes your life easier, if only for just a few moments

Hugs from your 'toba sister!!!
  #5  
Unread 03-22-2012, 10:39 AM
Re: tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned)

Thank you for your support!! I don't have anyone that can help as we're relatively new to the province and I haven't quite built a circle for myself yet.. I think that may be part of my feelings of being just so alone. When my help left that was it, I was truly on my own.

I'm so grateful for this place and the people I've had help out I don't. My head is just a little off I keep saying I wish my body would keep up with my head but maybe I need to slow my head to the pace of my body.

Thanks again, I'm so grateful to come somewhere that people get me


  Quote:
Originally Posted by greyown View Post
I do get it. I feel that sometimes "life" gets in the way of healing. Can anyone come in for a short time daily, or some days, to watch the kids while you rest (easier said than done, I know)? I'm not sure which things the kids are helping with----cleaning up? Making simple meals like lunch? Are there other things they can try, or switch to? It may be necessary for now that their efforts just be "good enough" and leave perfection for later. Can you hire someone to come in and do some cleaning? I get that sometimes just none of those things are possible. I'm an advocate of not saying it's fine, but having some line like "I'm trying to be fine but it's a slow process" or whatever gets the message across, gently. Are you in a church that might help? I think people do expect us to be all better, when really your job (SAHM?) Is hard at the best of times. Sometimes no advice helps, I know, and just venting might help. Hang in there, you are not alone, there are women here who understand.
  #6  
Unread 03-22-2012, 10:45 AM
Re: tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned)

Thanks Grace, that helped a lot. I think being new-ish to the community has made things harder too.. I'm normally so optimistic lol

It's nice to not be alone.. my incision is having a tough time closing up too, but I'm assuming it's from the same stuff. My mommy job just doesn't stop and maybe I need to just wrap my brain around the fact that it will take some extra recovery time because of it..

Thanks again, if you're interested in staying in touch please feel free to IM me

  Quote:
Originally Posted by grace35 View Post
Valerie, I could have written this one myself. I want to just give you a big hug right now. Too bad we aren't neighbors, my four kids and yours could at least get together and entertain one another while we cried about our frustrations! My mother in law was staying then flipped out at 3 weeks and left. My husband works 12 hour overnight shifts and also goes to school full time. I don't see too much of him. My mother has it in her head that 4 weeks was the magic recovery number and I should be doing just fine. It was only recently, when my abdominal incision opened up while I was trying to change my 2 year old, that she offered to at least come put my kids in bed at night while dh is working. It seemed like I had awesome support the first 3 weeks, then everyone just disappeared like all should be fine and dandy. My mother in law had a TAH 30 years ago, so I was at first getting sympathy from her, but then she did a 180???
I am trying to round up help from friends and neighbors at least around the lunch-nap hour. Because of my open incision, I was told to not bend for anything. haha! Tell that to my 2 year old and his dirty diaper!
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone!!
  #7  
Unread 03-22-2012, 10:50 AM
Re: tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned)

Trish,

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

Thank you for reminding me about all of that. You're totally right. When my daughter was diagnosed with Celiac I felt the same way and again when I was going through all the testing for cervical cancer.... and you're right I am being unfair. I also tend to befriend people that are not good communicators, I know this but somehow that got lost in my head noise. I can't thank you enough for reminding me to be realistic. Being newish here has made me feel a little on guard and maybe even feel a little extra sorry for myself as I try to make new friends.

Thank you



  Quote:
Originally Posted by TrishFD View Post
I think the recovery period, however long it ends up being, is your own, and only YOU know what you can and cannot do.

The other night, i had a crying fit like I've never had in my entire life...huge sobs, snot everywhere, ugly, ugly, crying LOL I don't even know where it came from but it made me realize that I'm NOT as strong as I thought I was but you know what? That's OK! That crying fit had me stuck in bed all day the next day though because it wore me right out!

Also, I've come to realize that expecting other people to "get it" and "understand" what I'm going through, is MY problem...not theirs. We just can't expect that from people who haven't been in our shoes because it's unfair to them. They just don't have the ability to get it because they've never experienced it. My life has revolved around this for so long and I'm the one that has done the research and I'm the one consumed by this every single day. My friends, my inlaws, my family, while all of them have good intentions, they all have their own lives and their own problems and they can't be as tuned in to MY issues as I would love them to be So, i just try to be patient with them and when they ask how I'm doing, I just tell them "today was a good day" or "Today wasn't my best day, but I'm pluggin along" and then just consider myself lucky because they actually thought to ask. No one will EVER know how hard it is unless they've been through it themselves.

Sorry, I'm rambling. If you want to vent, come here and vent because we ALL get it And we love ya like a sister, remember?

I agree, it can be very lonely and exhausting. If you have good friends, they can't help you if you don't ask for it. So start asking if you can! Ask for a dinner, or a visit or a babysitter or whatever makes your life easier, if only for just a few moments

Hugs from your 'toba sister!!!
  #8  
Unread 03-22-2012, 11:01 AM
Re: tah 5 week post op venting session(children mentioned)

Sorry WE have to go through major life changes without as much support as we'd like...
Before the surgery I needed support with many challenges because I deal with a few chronic health issues, I spent alot of time praying and wondering how my family could be so unsupportive and turn their head when I needed them the most and it actually lead to some depression eventually I learned to "just do what I could do" it was sad and somehow it made me a stronger person and I knew I couldn't depend on anyone except God!
So when this surgery came about I thought hmmm maybe the family would actually see already sick Lissy needs Major surgery and needs our help! No it didn't happen I didn't see my own mother for almost 2 weeks after surgery and she lives about 5 minutes away, in-laws keep my kids for 2 nights and one of those was prior to surgery, and I had a cousin come to stay and she was never actually here.
I keep self telling myself God only gives you what you can handle. If only some of us online lived in a big community lol we'd be doing so well With all that being said I do have to say I have a husband and when he hasn't been at work he is my hero!
Take it easy ladies and don't push yourself to much only do what you can and everything else will be taken care Later
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