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So hurt and mad venting (kinda long) So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

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Unread 03-23-2012, 07:36 AM
So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

My surgery is Monday 3/26 TAH BOS I have spent the last two weeks in crazy emotional mode not having any help from my family. With this being my last free weekend wanted to go out and try too forget about things for awhile. I am taking the kids out to dinner and a movie (14,14,16) but wanted adult time and was pretty much told no only sun night umm hello I have too be at the castle 6am in the morning . But yet he went out last night to study with the firefighters and came home so drunk what really mad me angry is he was driving our new truck . And now Sunday he is going back too study more plus I just found out that he may not even be there Monday for me as he has a dr app told his boss he could do a road test that day( his day off) and he has a final exam for his fire school. I and so hurt he has been acting very supportive but at the same time making jokes if I don't do this or that he is packing his stuff and leaving ugh are all men like this or is this just me being emotional mess sorry if I am all over the place but my head is feeling so jumbled right now any advice too finish getting ready I am getting my house finished cleaned today and doing the grocery shopping plus cutting hairs tomorrow will be my family night with the kids and Sunday I am trying to leave open for rest and packing and last min things!! Sorry about venting but had too get it out before I lose it
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Unread 03-23-2012, 07:42 AM
Re: So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

Depending on his personality, this may be how he is coping with it...without even realizing it. I would MAKE him stop and sit down and discuss it. Let him know this is a BIG deal--let him know you are scared and need him. Men can be such goobers. I am with you on the drunk driving thing though--I would lay into his tail about that one. Come on--a firefighter??? They SEE what happens first hand....grrrrr.

Sorry hun, hope things settle for you.
Unread 03-23-2012, 07:50 AM
Re: So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

Yeah my thoughts exactly !!! I was more hurt and angry about that than him being here when I need help there are the other drivers in this house (my aunt lives with us and my oldest) that could have come pick him up I was up till 1am getting his work clothes washed and getting his stuff ready for work and back up at 4 to make sure he got up so he was not late. Ugh when I try to talk too him it's like he cares and will listen but at the same time I feel like its going in one ear and out the other I don't know if it's me cause my emotions are going hay wire right now or what it's just hard for me too deal with things right now
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Unread 03-23-2012, 08:06 AM
Re: So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

Im sorry. Drinking and driving its never e good thing. If you want to go out this weekend can you find a friend to go out with? If i were you I would not go out sunday night. You cant have a drinke the night before surgery. Hope you havd a relaxed and enjoyble weenend..
Unread 03-23-2012, 08:16 AM
Re: So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

Dreamer 1976,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this right before your surgery. I agree with Kismet that your husband may be more concerned than he lets on. I overheard my hubby talking with a friend of his before my surgery about how concerned he was. He never let on to me that he was as scared as I was. Men definitely have a different way of coping than we do.

I agree with Kismet, you should sit down with him and tell him that you need his support right now. Tell him that you need him there during your surgery. He might open up to you as well.

I'm glad you are spending some quality time with your children now. You can also let them know that you will need their help and support during your recovery. They are old enough to understand.

Concerning the drinking and driving, He should know better!! My son is a Police Officer and sees these things first hand. Hopefully as he completes his training he will realize that he is not only putting himself in danger, but others as well. Could even be his loved ones. I suggest that you tell him exactly how you feel about that. I'm sure one of his firefighter buddies would be happy to drive him home if needed.

Take a deep breath, try to relax and enjoy your weekend with your kids. The waiting was the hardest part for me. I will be thinking about you on Monday and sending you
Unread 03-23-2012, 08:41 AM
Re: So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

I did sit down with him and told him. He promised he would be there and now that things have come up I honestly don't think he will ugh it feels like things are spinning outta control I can not worry about this anymore I have too put me first for once and your right my mom is an alcoholic and when I threatened to call the cops on her if I seen her driving again she did stop at least driving after drinking I pray this is a one time thing with him he is supposed too go out Sunday with his fire buddy's and he will be given a choice either ride with someone or I will take and pick him up enough is enough already so far I have gotten everything ready for after my surgery alone and I will continue to do it for me so I can rest and relax after. Yes my kids are old enough too help but guesse momma has always done everything so they won't help much either oh well I will set my house up as if I am living alone so if they decide that they can't think of anyone but them selves at least I know I can take care of me and the rest of them can figure out what to do for them
They are all old enough too take care of themselves so now it's gonna be time they learned cause the next six weeks all I will do is rest relax and too heck with them!!!!
Unread 03-23-2012, 09:11 AM
Re: So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

I'm sorry he's acting like this. It sounds like Maybe he's having a hard time coping and so he's avoiding the whole thing. Not that it's right, but there may be a reason beyond selfishness. With the kids, can you write some instructions out, like "how to do laundry", "recipe for a simple favorite dish" and maybe a list of what needs to be done and when (vacuuming, trash out, etc) and put them all in suitable places? May or may not do any good but depending on your kids, it could avoid some "I don't know how". I think you are right to just get things ready for you. Maybe your DH will come through in the end. I hope it all goes smoothly for you despite the chaos now.
Unread 03-23-2012, 09:15 AM
Re: So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

It will and honestly I tried with the kids even asking them too work beside me too help get the ready and I get I am tired I don't have time so that's fine as of Monday there gonna get a huge reality check when I will do nothing
Unread 03-23-2012, 09:29 AM
Re: So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

hello ladies. ime new here and trying to find my way around this site. first i want to say thankyou to all the ladies in here, i am so very thankful for all the info and guidance, it has helped me alot, as i had my lavh surger on march 8 2012 and when i left the hospital they didnt give me very much after care info, but this place has helped so very much, thankyou. i have been reading what your going through dreamer and my heart is with you, your not alone, this is very upsetting and i have gone through similar things with my partner but just try to stay calm and patient and loving words, and when your strong enough as time goes by you may want to loving talk with your husband how you feel. just a suggestion as this is what i had to do 2 weeks after my surgery with lots of prayer and i finally had a talk with him and he took it well, so i just want to say my heart is with you, be at peace and prayer.
Unread 03-23-2012, 11:10 AM
Re: So hurt and mad venting (kinda long)

Hi Dreamer Huggs to you! I think you are doing exactly the right thing - you focus on you. Don't worry about them, DH and kids will all survive while you're recovering. I think it's definitely a mind-set that you have to get yourself into to not feel guilty for not taking care of everything! Adding onto what Greyown mentioned about "not knowing how" may also be them just not noticing WHAT needs to be done. I mean, teens and men don't think about cleaning - EVER - and when do they notice that laundry hasn't been done? When they are outta undies, lol!

As far as your DH's attitude - I know what you're feeling there. Prior to my surgery last Friday, my hubs kinda played it off like it wasn't a big deal and made jokes about how I'd be fine, yada yada yada.... but, he totally came through for me on "the other side" - I think it's their personality and their way of dealing with the scary and the unknown. Wouldn't life be so much easier if they weren't from MARS and could actually communicate like us girls do?

Hang in there, don't stress too much over it if you can help it. Enjoy your weekend and know that everyone is here for you!

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