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Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned) Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

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Unread 03-26-2012, 04:47 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

Since I'm postmenopausal the remark I got was "you aren't using it anyway". Doesn't mean I wasn't emotionally attached to it. But I think the friends are trying, in a misguided way, to show some sympathy or empathy. They mean well but they don't get it. At least the friends mean well, and some may actually be so removed from the situation as to be jealous of what they perceive as freedom and a vacation. Hard to imagine but people often only know their own experience. So it's hurtful, but I don't think deliberately so, and I'd talk to her about the feelings you are going through. If she's a friend she should understand. If not, well, sometimes you find how good a friendship it really was. I hope you can work it out with your friend.
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Unread 03-26-2012, 05:12 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

Thanks for understanding ladies. I am so glad that I am not the only one who has had some insensitive comment said to me... I am going to have to talk to her about what she said.

This whole thing has just been much more emotional than I was expecting. I am so glad I have this place

Happy healing ladies!
Unread 03-26-2012, 06:21 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

Originally Posted by faithsdaisy421 View Post
Thanks for understanding ladies. I am so glad that I am not the only one who has had some insensitive comment said to me... I am going to have to talk to her about what she said.

This whole thing has just been much more emotional than I was expecting. I am so glad I have this place

Happy healing ladies!
I think you if you tell her exactly what you just said " This whole thing has just been much more emotional than I was expecting"...I think this will help someone understand why her comment didn't fall right with you.
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Unread 03-26-2012, 06:57 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

I must say people who don't go through it don't understand! They say "oh, I"ll be there to help you with whatever you need." My friends we here the first and second night I came home and were cleaning up for me, scrubbing my bathroom, sweeping the floors, changed our bed, and doing dishes! It was great! But they quickly forget that this is an 8 week recovery and they go on with their lives and now 4 weeks post op no one is calling to check on me or popping over to help. I have refused to call any of them!

My true friends/family are the ones who don't live near me and are calling just to see how my day was. They are the ones who want to talk to be about the new aches and pains I"m having.

Right after my surgery...I had a friend (my closest friend) text me just to tell me that she started her period! Well, I laughed so hard it hurt my belly! She then said how lucky are you that you will never have another period! She meant it in the best of ways.

I had one nurse (B****) at the hospital say (3 days post op) .. "you shouldn't be hurting this only had a hyst didn't you?!?!?!?!?" I felt like smacking her so hard!!!!! Needless to say I told the next nurse who entered my room and the (B****) didn't come back any more!

To sugar and Spice...perhaps time for new friends!

It's not as easy as saying.....gee no more periods lucky you! AS if it's a simple surgery and simple recovery! To those of us who ACTUALLY go through it, we deserve to not have any periods!
I find that those who pass rude comments need to be told! Its rude and insensative! THey will see things differently if they ever have to go through it!
Unread 03-26-2012, 07:11 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

Originally Posted by AnnaAngel View Post
Loads of people have said the same to me and people at work kept saying 'you're so lucky having 2 months off'! Believe me I would much rather be at work! I have tried to ignore the comments. People can be so insensitive and I'm sure they say these things because they are not sure what to say.
Yes, I got that same comment about being lucky to have so much time off. That upsets me more than any comment about my friends wanting the surgery so they don't have periods any more. The two months off was not some happy picnic, but dealing with limited mobility, soreness and being more tired than I could ever imagine. The comment that upset me the most is "why aren't you back at work yet?" from a relative of mine. I explained to him that I wasn't back at work because the surgeon wouldn't see me to the six week mark because the stitches could burst. He had no idea. Idiot! But I do sympathize with my friends who are jealous and don't want their periods. A lot of my friends have horrible cramps, migraines and mood swings with it. I don't think your friend was intending to be insensitive. She may have some suffering of her own she's not telling you about in relation to her period.
Unread 03-26-2012, 08:22 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

Yes I didn't like people asking why I wasn't back to work yet. Or why is it taking so long. Or my personal favorite: "you're STILL hurting?"
Unread 03-26-2012, 09:17 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

Boy, that sounds familiar!!!!! I think that's the standard response from women who have never faced a hysterectomy or dealt with it. All they can see is "No periods!!!!" And as we all know, it's soooooooo much more than that. As a matter fact, I have barely even thought about that since my surgery because there are so many other things that are crowding my thoughts.

I would probably just very nicely tell your friend the next time it comes up... because she will say it again... "you know, it's really so much more than that and it has been difficult for me". I bet she will be surprised. I think they don't even stop to think about it or even know to think about it. I have had many friends say that same thing to me. In almost those exact same words. It's hurtful I know and frustrating but also maybe a chance to educate?
Unread 03-26-2012, 10:38 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

I think our family and friends are well meaning but simply don't understand. I don't think it's possible to really understand unless you have had this surgery. That's why it's so important for us to come here and support each other. I can't begin to tell you how much this site has meant to me. This process has been much longer and more difficult than I ever imagined. I am getting better, but not as fast as I thought. Hang in there ladies and keep coming back here for support.
I know I will.
Unread 03-28-2012, 04:01 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)

I agree with the others. Sometimes people just don't know what to say but want to make light of the situation and comfort you. I have also been feeling over-sensitive and emotional and understand how comments can be over-analyzed. I think it's better to let it go.
Unread 03-28-2012, 06:18 PM
Re: Hurtful Friend (kids mentioned)


I got the same remarks. Heck, I think I MADE the same remarks to my mom!

I really wanted a hysterectomy when I was 23, but no doctor would give it to me because "What if you want kids later?" or "No, you can't have endometriosis if you're on birth control!" (lies!)

But when it was real-- when it was in front of me, I suddenly didn't mind bleeding half to death each month and "Wait! What if I cut out caffeine? What if I take this Chasteberry/Vitex stuff I keep hearing about on the internet?"

So I had my surgery with a heavy heart, even though there is some excitement at no more wasting 2 boxes of super plus tampons and no more fear of bleeding all over myself in public.

You just don't know the emotional connection you have to a part you can't even see until you lose it.

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