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I am a mess: surgery 5/31 I am a mess: surgery 5/31

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Unread 03-30-2012, 12:53 PM
Re: I am a mess

Not Brave, one more thought that helped me. Once I made my decision to have surgery, I tried not to keep revisiting it and second guessing myself. I had to do it, it was right for me so I had to move forward. My focus was on the process of getting ready. Make lists of things to do ahead of time like errands, freezing meals, putting fresh sheets on your bed and clearing your calendar for rest. Make a list of things to buy like an abdominal binder, prune juice, colace, a nice robe and slippers for walking laps in the hospital. Read reassuring posts in the post op discussions of people like you who were afraid but are happy the waiting is over. Good luck!
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Unread 03-30-2012, 07:24 PM
Re: I am a mess

I can not tell you how much I appreciate your posts. They were so kind and loving they made me teary and so thankful.

Today I got my path report back but it said nothing because there was not tissue in it to test! That thru me for a loop. The GYN tried one day but the cervix was closed tight so I had to go home and place a Fluconazole tablet in my vagina. The next day my GYN still had a very hard time. She finally did get thru but it was still gifficult because the uterus is tipped. So I guess there was not tissue to test. I don't know what happen now. Why can't we just do the hysterectomy and test after?

I also was bleeding today. It is the most bleeding I have had. I think it stopped now. It seems just when I get my anxiety under control more things happen.

Please pray for me and thank you all so much. I wish I could hug each of you. I hope each of you are doing well.
Unread 03-30-2012, 07:39 PM
Re: I am a mess

This is similar to my situation...I had the Novasure ablation in 2007 which made scar tissue of my uterus....it staved off my bleeding for a few years but it recently returned in full force. Two weeks prior to my hyster, my doctor tried twice to get an endometrial biopsy to find the source of the bleeding, but he could not get enough tissue. It was at this point that A) I broke down sobbing to my doctor from frustration and B) he said we need to consider a hysterectomy.
I am 44 and have had two children. It was not difficult for me to decide to just be rid of my uterus, etc. I am " done with it" , you know? I don't know how old you are or if you were hoping to still use your uterus ...I know it can be emotional if you are younger and haven't had children. But all of that said...I am lying here 5 days post-op and am so so so glad I did this.

If you are ready to be rid of it...I would say schedule the hysterectomy and let them biopsy it after. At least ask your doctor about the feasibility of that, given your symptoms or issues.

God bless and hang in there. This, too, shall pass. Truly, this anxiety and uncertainty is the worst of it, I promise. Be sure to let us know where this goes. You are in my daily prayers, honey.
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Unread 03-30-2012, 08:45 PM
Re: I am a mess

I am so glad you have found this site!

Post-menopausal bleeding is very scary. Hopefully the bleeding is being caused by the thickened lining... and fibroids are almost NEVER cancerous (less than 1% chance).

Many coming your way.
Unread 03-30-2012, 10:02 PM
Re: I am a mess

I had all the same nervousness as yourself. Luckily, I was able to work through it by just researching a lot and exhausted enough options that I just scheduled it knowing I can still cancel it. I whined a lot - more in my head than anything else. I thought about whether my living trust was up to date, and I was also concerned about not waking up after the anesthesia as well as blood clots.

All is fine (after a week of wishing I hadn't done it because of pain), but I'm so glad it's done now, and I think you'll too be glad once it's done. The waiting part is the worst part of it all.
Unread 03-30-2012, 10:25 PM
Re: I am a mess

My GYN sent me for a sonohysterogram for post menopausal bleeding but the radiologist could not complete the test due to my cervical stenosis. My GYN then decided to do the endo biopsy via an outpatient D&C with hysterocopy instead of in the office. I had to use those vaginal tablets for the two nights prior but then she was able to complete the D&C without a problem and get a good sample to send for biopsy.

I hope you and your doctor can determine what is best for you. All of us here can help you through it.
Unread 03-31-2012, 12:11 PM
Re: I am a mess

I had a bad morning. Cryed a lot. I can't wait to be on the other side of the hyterectomy and be able to encourage others on this site and in my life. I feel like I am just taking now and not giving.

I wonder why some of us are captive to so much worry and anxiety while others are more capable of being calm and practical?

I am not even entirely sure what I am so afraid and anxious about. If my biopsy had been successful I would at least feel like I was moving forward. Now I am waiting until Monday to hear from the doctor what we will do next. Of course I am afraid of cancer. The giant fibroid (grapefruit size). I am afraid of the surgery and not waking up and the pain and tubes and all that. My imagination comes up with all kinds of scenarios. Maybe the worst part is the sense of limbo right now.

Today I have some time to explore the site and will do that. Right now all I see are the replys that come to my email.

Your comments have become a source of calm and strength and I thank you all very much.
Unread 03-31-2012, 04:57 PM
Re: I am a mess

I feel for you notbrave. The waiting really is the worst. And the time immediately post op ain't so great either, I'm sorry to say. The general consensus is that the surgery itself is better than expected. I agree with that. And the pain upon waking up and while I was in the hospital was better than I expected. It was when I got home it kicked up a notch and the recovery was longer and more difficult than I was prepared for. And lots and lots of tears. It's an emotionally and physically difficult thing to go through. But the sooner the wheels get turning the sooner you can put this all behind you.

I totally related about the biopsy. I had cervical dysplasia and a LEEP procedure. My GYN wanted two clear biopsies after that before he'd discharge me. I went five times for biopsies and each time there was not enough tissue to test. My cervix scarred from my LEEP and he couldn't get much off. And each attempt was a stress inducing, Ativan popping, 2 days off work, weepy ride down painful avenue. It was awful. So no way to tell if I was developing cancer, so out it came. My pathology post op was normal so part of my brain screams, "so I went through all this for nothing?!"

I know it's hard right now but hang in there you will get through this and come out safely on the other side. And we'll be waiting with open arms.
Unread 03-31-2012, 07:10 PM
Re: I am a mess

Sugarandspice you have really been here for me and I thank you.

I wish I could get to the point of taking one step at a time and not be filled with constant dread and fear and anxiety. Every once in awhile I can but then it slips away again.

Chances are still good that it is not cancer but I don't seem to be able to allow myself that comfort. It is like if I do that then it will get me for sure. LOL actually what I just wrote made me laugh just a little : )

My DH just made me go out to dinner to try to get me out of myself. I think it helped a little. He is a good guy and he has been here for me. He also never worries about anything so I always think his happy go lucky optimism is not something I can hang onto. Again a little laugh.

Well I shall enjoy this moment of feeling a little better and not think about when will the anxiety hit again.

Please don't give up on me. I need this support. Thank you s much.
Unread 03-31-2012, 07:31 PM
Re: I am a mess

Hugs and kisses honey. Glad your DH took you out, that's sweet. It's ok to let your self feel the fear, anxiety, etc. Cry for a while and let it out and then get busy cleaning and freezing meals. Remember no housework for 6-8 weeks post op so wash that bathtub before surgery!

Just do your best and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hope for the best, there is power in that. And don't worry, we won't give up on you!

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