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I am a mess: surgery 5/31 I am a mess: surgery 5/31

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  #61  
Unread 04-08-2012, 11:38 AM
Re: I am a mess

Happy Easter to all.

I am going to try to enjoy this day with my family. This horrible anxiety hangs over me but when I am with my family I put on my best face no matter how I feel inside. I do not want to scare my kids or grandkids or ruin their day. I think that is why I love coming to you and being honest. You help me to get a grip and let me be a scared baby. I don't know where else to turn.

I really just want to curl up and cry and cry but I can't do that.

How am I ever going to get thru all that is ahead. Why is it all so terrifying?

The facts are I was having slight spotting. I had an ultrasound and and MRI. There were two fibroids, one the size of a grapefruit and the lining looked a little thick.

For two days in a row the doctor tried to get an in-office biopsy (the straw like thing). Cervix was closed tight. Finally got in the 2nd day but there was not tissue in the sample so now I am schedued tuesday for D & C and the camera thing.

After the two days of trying to get that biopsy I had off and on blood that was clotty for several days and then just went away.

Now my mind keeps going to the worst scenarios. Shouldn't I be encouraged that it is probably going to be the large fibroid causing trouble instead of the c word?

Why can't I think positive? It is like I am afraid to think the best. The anxiety attacks are so horrible. I don't want to be like this, unable to get a grip and struggling thru each day.

Now I am sobbing again.

I'm sorry to keep asking for help ove rand over.
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  #62  
Unread 04-08-2012, 11:54 AM
Re: I am a mess

((NotBrave))

Anxiety and fear of the unknown is totally understandable! Cry and let it out - you will feel much better and be able to focus on what will be good about this surgery.

And hey, surgery is going to make you more comfortable and get those big fibroids OUT! Don't worry about the worst case scenario, you simply have no control over that - but you DO have control over positive thinking and concentrating on healing and making yourself better!

Fibroids are generally benign and those tests are all precautionary. I had several fibroids and they were all benign. They are gone now.

Breathe. Look forward to happiness and comfort. And let yourself cry as much as you need to, then let it go.

We're here. You can never ask for too much help! That's what we are all here for!

Peace.
  #63  
Unread 04-08-2012, 12:32 PM
Re: I am a mess

Sweetheart. These are my arms around you holding you tight. I understand the fear and the anxiety and the panic. The odds are high in your favor that your fibroids and uterine lining are benign. I also went into surgery with the fear of cancer. I didn't know if he could do the surgery vaginally or if it would be abdominal. I didn't know until I woke up in recovery whether I got to keep my ovaries are not. I had cervical dysplasia and after that my GYN was unable to obtain further biopsies.

I know it's easy for me to say don't over think and don't let this take over your life. Much harder to do though. Are you waiting until after the D&C for your hysterectomy date? Do you have a date for the D&C?

Please call your doctors office and let them know how you're struggling with this. It's important. There are meds you can take to help with the anxiety, panic attacks and to help you sleep. There is no need for you to be suffering so when there is help available. There is no shame in asking for something just to help you get through this rough patch. I was unable to stop crying post op and so now am taking antidepressants. They don't take away all my troubles but I can function and enjoy my family and when I do cry it's just for a few minutes rather than days.

Please promise me you'll talk to your doctor. Even if you both decide you don't need meds it's still important for your doc to know what you're going through.

We have a beautiful sunny day here in B.C., hope you are too.
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  #64  
Unread 04-08-2012, 02:36 PM
Re: I am a mess

Thank you so much AGAIN sugarandspice. You have been here many times for me. You gave me something to hang onto and feel more hopeful when you said "The odds are high in your favor that your fibroids and uterine lining are benign". I so need to hear things like this since my mind always takes me to the worst and I get so axious and polarized. Thank you Thank you Thank you !!!

Yes the D & C and the camera thing is this Tuesday the 10th. I don't know when the hysterectomy is.

I already am on an antidepressants for anxiety and depression. I had a hard time with anxiety attacks about 10 years ago and my doctor gave me them then. I'v never gotten off of them because anxiety attacks are a real problem with me.

I hope you are doing well now S&S. You are a very lovely, encouraging and caring person. I hope I can be much like you when I get to the other side of all this.

Yes it is a beautiful day here in western WA state too. We are neighbors!

Happy Easter and may God bless you for your unselfish giving to others.
  #65  
Unread 04-08-2012, 06:17 PM
Re: I am a mess

Please let us know how you are doing after. Or if you need to just chat.happy easter
  #66  
Unread 04-08-2012, 08:24 PM
Re: I am a mess

NotBrave, I hope you had a good day with your family and that you were able to enjoy them and put your fears aside. You will feel much better after Tuesday and at least that will be behind you. You can do this! Come here whenever you feel down and lean on us. We are here. This site and these women are what got me through mine without loosing my mind. Take care.

Happy Easter!
:bunnyhug:
  #67  
Unread 04-08-2012, 10:06 PM
Re: I am a mess

Yes I had a nice day with the family. My heart was heavy but I made myself go about things as close to normal as I could.

Thank you.
  #68  
Unread 04-09-2012, 12:32 AM
I am a mess: surgery 5/31

  Quote:
Originally Posted by NotBrave View Post
Thank you so much AGAIN sugarandspice. You have been here many times for me. You gave me something to hang onto and feel more hopeful when you said "The odds are high in your favor that your fibroids and uterine lining are benign". I so need to hear things like this since my mind always takeIs me to the worst and I get so axious and polarized. Thank you Thank you Thank you !!!

Yes the D & C and the camera thing is this Tuesday the 10th. I don't know when the hysterectomy is.

I already am on an antidepressants for anxiety and depression. I had a hard time with anxiety attacks about 10 years ago and my doctor gave me them then. I'v never gotten off of them because anxiety attacks are a real problem with me.

I hope you are doing well now S&S. You are a very lovely, encouraging and caring person. I hope I can be much like you when I get to the other side of all this.

Yes it is a beautiful day here in western WA state too. We are neighbors!

Happy Easter and may God bless you for your unselfish giving to others.
This is good news. Your D&C and hysteroscopy are soon. Once you get those results you will feel a lot better. And you may find out that you won't need a hysterectomy at all. Wouldn't that be lovely?!

Thank you for your sweet words. I am really not doing very well. I still have terrible pain every day from my surgery. And I'm terribly sad and miss my uterus. One foot in front of the other and I do the best I can each day. That's all one can do.
  #69  
Unread 04-09-2012, 04:19 AM
Re: I am a mess

Not brave, I hope you had a lovely Easter with your family. Best of luck for your D&c tomorrow. The unknown is sometimes the scariest thing of all. Sending hugs and prayers to you. xx
  #70  
Unread 04-09-2012, 08:56 AM
Re: I am a mess

  Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarandspice View Post
This is good news. Your D&C and hysteroscopy are soon. Once you get those results you will feel a lot better. And you may find out that you won't need a hysterectomy at all. Wouldn't that be lovely?!

Thank you for your sweet words. I am really not doing very well. I still have terrible pain every day from my surgery. And I'm terribly sad and miss my uterus. One foot in front of the other and I do the best I can each day. That's all one can do.
I am so sorry to hear you are not doing well. Do they have no explanation as to why you keep hurting? May I ask what age bracket you are in? I will be praying for you S & S. I am just so sorry you are in pain and I will pray it will subside and you can move on.
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