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Frustrated from lack of help Frustrated from lack of help

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Unread 03-31-2012, 04:32 PM
Re: Frustrated from lack of help

Paper plates. Take out food. Pizza. No laundry. As stated, when they need clean clothes they will notice. Stay in pj's or go stay somewhere else. No cleaning. No one will die from lack of vacumming and dusting. Or hire someone to come clean.
Perhaps your doctor needs a chat with your DH. I have read in prior years of women who did that and it was pretty effective.
If you keep doing things, they will assume you are able to do so. As hard as it is, you must just stop. You will be doing them no favors if you land back in the hospital. Stop trying to be superwoman. Things won't be back to normal for awhile. That's just how it is. And frankly, let them do things when you are well again. Won't kill them to do so.
Good luck.
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Unread 03-31-2012, 04:42 PM
Re: Frustrated from lack of help

Originally Posted by sugarandspice View Post
This may sound rough but: don't do anything around the house. No laundry, no cleaning. If you get up and make a snack, leave your dishes on the counter when you're done. Somebody will do them eventually. Your family isn't doing anything to help you (and you need it) so why are you helping them (when they don't)!
I agree, your the one who needs lookin after, not the other way round,
while your doing it , theyre not going too,

you only have one charnce of healing right . please , for you, let everything just be,
I know how I felt after over doing it at 2 weeks post, let alone 2 days
Unread 03-31-2012, 04:45 PM
Re: Frustrated from lack of help

Hello I am Debb. I totally understand where u are coming from. I was vacuuming 4 days after my surgery. My husband and stepson helped a bit but we know a womans work is never done, even after major surgery. I learned the hard way, please do not push your self. 6 weeks does not seem long but your body will need every bit of that time to heal.

Did your doctor put you on any hormones yet?

Have a great day

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Unread 03-31-2012, 04:59 PM
Frustrated from lack of help

The same way you vented to us you need to tell your family for they may not understand the surgery recovery so tell them you need lots of love and help.
Originally Posted by Dreamer1976 View Post
Had my surgery Monday 3/26 been home for two days and even getting someone too help me with showers or getting outta bed is like pulling teeth today I just sat and cried most the day I just don't understand what happened to my loving caring family it's like they have all turned a blind eye when I need them most I am still doing cleaning and laundry for them very carefully with my handy dandy grabber one piece at a time than when I ask for something it's like no one can even be bothered even
My dh is now gone more than 14 hours a day and comes home and just goes too bed without even seeing if I need anything how they can all be so inconsiderate is beyond me sorry too vent but just needed too get it out
Unread 03-31-2012, 05:11 PM
Re: Frustrated from lack of help

Goodness I thought you could use a really good laugh. I can post messages to ???? but for the life of me I cant figure out how to see what everyone reply's. I think with my hyster, my brain went too.

Unread 03-31-2012, 05:44 PM
Frustrated from lack of help

Originally Posted by Warriorfan View Post
Paper plates. Take out food. No one will die from lack of vacumming and dusting.
I love this! And very true. The fact is, vacuuming is not a necessity! And certainly not worth risking tearing your vaginal cuff open, or pulling all your internal stitches or making you bleed. I am 8 months post op and I still have not cleaned the bathtub/shower since my surgery. My 17 year son does it!! I am still a princess They will appreciate you all the more once they realize how much you do for them.
Unread 03-31-2012, 06:56 PM
Re: Frustrated from lack of help

Missy put that laundry.down.and thats an order. No cleaning you go get a good book put your feet up and stay put, they wont die without clean laundry, you need to rest and heal, for at least 6 weeks lol you rest
Unread 03-31-2012, 07:39 PM
Re: Frustrated from lack of help

Hello Frustrated, I can understand you are concerned for the families well-being, it is in you nature as Mom. But you can not destroy your healing process. Family members tend to shy away from surgeries. Fear, I think. Explain to the children you must rest to recover and ask for their help. Kids don't think about doing those sweet things making a sandwitch bring a drink or folding and putting away laundry. Once they understand they usually can't do enough. And are so proud of themselves kids like to be needed, to be appreciated and thanked.
Approach the situation from a different perspective. Communication. This could be the beginning of a new family daily routine You would be surprised how ambitious young children are, they just need to be inspired and told their loved
Single parent of four.
Unread 04-01-2012, 07:23 AM
Re: Frustrated from lack of help

Dreamer, I can sooooo relate!! My husband was good for the first couple days but that was it. When I hit day 7 he assumed I should be up getting the house cleaned........ I am currently 2 and a half weeks post op. I finally had to just put my foot down. I told him that I have suffered for 7 yrs and I had this surgery done so I could have my life back and that I will not risk my healing because he and my step son who is 23 can't take care of themselves!!! They still try and get me to do things, usually I flat out say no and go back to my room. I must say that I am very disappointed with them both. This whole process has been much harder because of no support. It makes me very sad. All I can say is, try and putyourself first. You do not want to hurt yourself, that will only make the whole thing go longer. I have gotten to the point that I just try to not even look at how messy my house is, though it does drive me crazy. You are VERY early in your recovery so you really do need to rest. Love to you!!!
Unread 04-01-2012, 08:27 AM
Re: Frustrated from lack of help

I am trying to not be to demanding when it comes to asking my family for help because I don't want them to think of me as a burden. My surgery and after affects (having bladder damage requiring a urinary bag on my hip etc) have caused me to be more in need of help than I ever would have thought possible. My husband has had to take off more than 3 weeks from work all ready and nearly 2 of that I was in the hospital.

When I see my family start to struggle with exhaustion it makes me feel so guilty. I have to remind them to take time to take care of themselves too. I try to let them know daily that their love, caring and attention is helping me to heal and how very much I appreciate and acknowledge their hard work.

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