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desperate...please help desperate...please help

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Unread 04-02-2012, 04:25 PM
desperate...please help

I cant think see or breathe....I am freaking out....
Somebody please help me.
I am bleeding for the last time, as my tah is in two days from now. The extreme sadness and fear is bordering on desperation to get out of my own head.....Can someone please tell me that i will still be a woman...that my duty to bleed on the earthh is not my only duty as a woman here....that i will be upright again...that i wont have a bowel or my bladder nicked.....will someone please tell me that i won't feel that there is glass in my vagina...that it wont be shortened and sex will be pleasurable again....that i will *** again....Can someone please tell me that i won't be all alone and helpless through all of this....that my family will assist me, and that the pain will not be so excrutiating that i will wish for death....please...can somebody stop this noise in my head?
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Unread 04-02-2012, 04:35 PM
Re: desperate...please help

My surgery is scheduled for Friday, April 6th. I am having a Total Laparoscopic Hysterectomy and I , too am worried. I have stayed up late at night reading about the "what if's" and risks and terrible things that can happen, but I realized that is not the way to go about this.

Each surgery is different. Each uterus is different. Each of us is different. What you are going through now is universal though: fear, nerves, anxiety, expecting the worst etc, this is all normal of surgery. When it comes to fear of surgery, there are two options in my mind, either succomb to it gracefully or at least acknowledge the fact that is happening to HELP you. It doesn't mean you have to like it, by any means.

You will be no less of a woman, not at all. It's silly to think an organ defines you, just as it is silly to think one's weight, appearance, or career etc defines who you are as a "woman". Your core and your soul define who you are.

Have faith in your surgical team that they have your body's best interests in mind and that they are skilled and won't "nick you" or leave you feeling as if your parts "won't work". Most of this is mental- sometimes harder to deal with than the physical part of all this.

Breathe. Relax. Take comfort in the women here, the positive stories shared and have faith in yourself. You can do this. You WILL do this, and you WILL be fine. Best of luck to you.
Unread 04-02-2012, 05:13 PM
Re: desperate...please help

Oh sweetie, take a deep breath and listen to me. I am 26 and I had a TAH (kept both ovaries) almost 4 weeks ago. My surgery was more complicated than expected but I was not nicked anywhere and the pain is manageable when you wake up. They have many drugs to make you feel comfortable. You are not defined by an organ, you are defined by your personality and soul. This will not change because your uterus is gone. I too, worried about a stroke since I am at an extremely high risk (hemiplagic migraines, low BP, family history of strokes) for them but I came out fine. No stroke or any clots at all. Your surgical team will take good care of you. Your vagina will not be shortened as your cervix actually takes up room in your vagina so the vaginal cuff will come from that space once your cervix is out. As for sex, I can't help you there because I am a virgin. My mom had a TAH 20 years ago and she said she did not notice a difference in sex. Your family will step up to the plate when you need it.

What you need to focus on is the reason you are doing this. Imagine yourself 3 months from now, healthy and pain-free and hold on to that image. You are strong and can do this. You are not alone. So many of us have been there and we survived. Heck, not just survived, but thrived! You will make it to the other side. All the best to you!
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Unread 04-02-2012, 05:20 PM
desperate...please help

Please please don't be afraid. They found cancer in my uterus and within 3days I was in the hospital. I can honestly say it was much easier than I thought I was home in a few days and never looked back. Never took any pain pills I still cancer free touch wood. I believe a good fre of mind is all that you need. Honest. Good luck and keep us posted. After your operation. Go to your Dr and make sure they give you some hormones. I've been on bio identicals since I had my operation. Hot flashes and sleep loss are far worse than the actual operation. Big hugs.
Unread 04-02-2012, 05:46 PM
Re: desperate...please help

I agree, take a deep breath and know that you are going to be okay. I am six weeks out and while I am not 100% I can confidently say I am 70% back to myself already. I still get tired but this process has not been nearly as bad as I expected it would be. I worked myself up into a frenzy. Don't get me wrong, it hurt afterwards and on some days I am still sore, especially if I do too much but its not the excruciating pain you think its going to be beforehand, even immediately after surgery. It just hurts.

The best advice I can give is to be up front with your family about what to expect. I read to my husband from this site about what we should expect, that way he was prepared and knew what my restrictions were. He also knew to not take it personally when I was crying and emotional. Its par for the course. If everyone knows what to expect it takes the fear factor out of the equation and gives you some insight on what the next few weeks will be like.

Lastly, use this site as a resource. Hystersisters addict? Maybe,... but it was so reassuring to me, and still is, to check in with others about what is 'normal', when I should be worried, just having the acknowledgment from someone who is in your shoes at this very moment. It is going to be okay so you should totally breathe.
Unread 04-02-2012, 06:01 PM
Re: desperate...please help

It's going to be okay, you're going to be better than okay. You will walk past the feminine hygiene isle and know you don't need any if that again. If you're like me you take good care of your family and worry that they will be okay while you recover. Trust me they might not be the best house keepers in your place but they won't let themselves starve either. Which knows, they may even develop an appreciation for all you do. As far as being a woman, bleeding doesn't make you a woman we're far to complex and wonderful to be defined by something so base. Please know you're in my prayers. You will be okay.
Unread 04-02-2012, 07:50 PM
Re: desperate...please help

I know its hard not to get so worried, no one likes surgery but honestly you will be okay. I had mine seven months ago and all I can say is that life is wonderful again. No more constant bladder pressure from an enlarged uterus or never ending bleeding, cramps, clots and all that stuff, living your life around periods and when they might show up. You can do this, we have all been where you are right now. Take time for yourself through this healing process and don't try to do too much. Good Luck and you will be fine. (Oh and sex is GREAT in everyway after)
Unread 04-02-2012, 07:54 PM
Re: desperate...please help

Take a deep breath in and out. Everything will be ok really. You won't be nicked because the surgical team is specially trained and they do this everyday. Trust them and your doctor. I had my TAH a year ago and it was the best surgery I ever had!!! Your pain will be controlled. You get a morphine pump after the surgery. The nurses won't let you be in pain.

You won't be less of a woman. You will be a better woman because you won't be bleeding or in pain. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel. Sex for me has been so much better than it ever was before the surgery. You will still be a woman....a new and improved one!! Prayers to you!!!!
Unread 04-02-2012, 08:04 PM
Re: desperate...please help

Just remember to keep breathing. You have to have confidence in your team and in your decision. Remember your reason for the surgery. It is so normal to get scared before but you will find out that your fears are not going to be reality.
I think that feeling better will make you feel more like a woman. It is pretty hard to do anything when you are in pain. I know for me my life was really tough. I think your family will appreciate that you feel better
Unread 04-02-2012, 08:42 PM
Re: desperate...please help

thankyou all so much.
i am breathing at this moment of reading your posts...much more than i can say for the last 24 hours. my vision is even blurry i am so stressed. danggggggggg i know sooooooooooo much better than this and am just having a really hard time digging out my zen tools .... thankyou so much for your support.
love in sisterhood

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