Scheduled TAH 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery | HysterSisters
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3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

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Unread 04-04-2012, 09:28 AM
3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

My TAH is scheduled for April 19th my sister is only able to come up for three days. My husband is in Afghanistan I am very worried about being home alone post op with my three year old all day. I have had three previous csections so I have so idea of the pain level and he is big enough to get in up and down for the table and into his bed etc but he thinks Im a jungle gym and I wont be able to move fast enough to keep him off me it will be too late Im worried about hurting myself or him tearing my inscision open . I have rides to and from school in the morning n afternoons for my older boys pre arranged but if something comes up at the school I wont be able to drive to go take care of it. Since its a non life threatening surgery the Army will not send my hubby home and finances will not allow for me to send my son to daycare. My family all have jobs they are working and cant take off work. I feel really selfish for going through with the surgery but the pain and constant bleeding are aweful and I have been going through it now for two years and the Army after trying everything else the Army has approved my surgery I need this. Has anyone else had a TAH and taken care of small kids alone and done ok?
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Unread 04-04-2012, 09:46 AM
Re: 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

Can you get a belly binder and a small pillow to protect your belly from your son? I would also suggest you try to explain to your 3 year old that mommy has an owie and he needs to be gentle. Any chance you can have neighbors prepare some meals for you and do some light housekeeping for you? I really worry about you overdoing it because you are alone.
Unread 04-04-2012, 10:17 AM
Re: 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

My mom will be over in the evenings after work to help its mornings n afternoons I will be alone. he's really caring mommy boys which on one hand is good on another bad and he's so fast as most toddlers are the quick movement it would take n the lifting of his almost 35 pounds would be a disaster
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Unread 04-04-2012, 10:54 AM
Re: 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

Are you close with the FRG for hubby's unit? There may be some other spouses that can let your little guy come hang out with them for a few hours a day.

Also, try to prep stuff now for him that'll make it easy for him to get by with little help from you. My son is 4 so he can do basic self-care. I'll make cheese sandwiches and pb&j and set them in a basket in my fridge so he can serve himself. I also got lots of juice boxes. I have snacks and cereal bars on his level in the kitchen. I have bubbles and sidewalk chalk hidden right now. I can go sit outside with him while he entertains himself with that and he'll still feel like we're playing together.

I had my tubal ligation while my husband was in Iraq and we were far from home. Us military wives & kids are strong when we have to be.

p.s. we have the same date!
Unread 04-04-2012, 11:04 AM
Re: 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

Hi. I'm not sure if you live on or near a base. I am a civilian Child Development Center director for the Navy and there are a few different things you could try for temporary child care if necessary. Check with the Army Family Services program. Sometimes they can assistance for hourly child care. If you really think you need temporary care you could ask you husband's command to request a waiver for child care fees if it is an military child care center. I will say that getting a waiver can sometimes be a hassle, but it could be an option.

I know it can seem hard not to feel selfish. But in the long run you are doing this for yourself as well as your family. Just keep imagining how much better you will feel physically once you are on the other side of the mountian.
Unread 04-04-2012, 12:20 PM
Re: 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

Im close enough physical to utilize FRG unfortately like many they are only interested in being a rumor mill. When i asked for their assistance i was told they are not " a baby sitting service ". Great idea to make him sandwich n snacks.
Unread 04-04-2012, 12:24 PM
3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

I live off post i wonder if they would waive fees for a center here. They would have to provide transportation as i won't be able to drive ill start looking now thanks
Unread 04-04-2012, 12:30 PM
Re: 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

Oh Jamie...i so understand what your going through!!! I have two boys, 4 and 16mths. My surgery is tomorrow. Originally it was scheduled for March 29th. I had everything planned and help staying for a week. It was cancelled due to bed shortage and my help leaves for a month on April 8th. Now i'm stuck and have these little men to take care of when i get home! Going nuts about what to do! I'm just going to deal with it one day at a time. It's funny how you say your a jungle gym...that's exactly what i say to my boys..."mommy's not a jungle gym!" We have to stay positive and everything will work out!
Unread 04-04-2012, 12:58 PM
Re: 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

If he'll keep off me ill be fine that's my biggest worry
Unread 04-04-2012, 01:58 PM
Re: 3 kids and deployed hubby, no help! worried about recovery

I will be honest, it will be difficult, but with planning you can do it. I have 4 kids, my youngest are 4 and 2. I was in the hospital for 4 days, but the first thing I did when I got home was to show my daughter (4) and my son (2) mommy's incision aka "owie". We had a talk about how we could not get on mommy at all. My two year old still kisses my belly to this day and asks if my "owie better?". Another suggestion would be to either find a dollar or thrift store and buy a couple of new little toys for him. That way he can get one each day or every other day. There is nothing that entertains little ones more than new toys. If that is not an option, pack up a few of his toys now. That way they will be "new" to him in a few weeks. Get a book box next to the couch so you can read. Put a few balls in it. My son and I would play catch for hours with some small bouncy balls. If there is a tv show he likes, let him watch it. My older kids (9 and 7) have really stepped up and been awesome little helpers after school. They help with the dishes, laundry, and light cleaning. Can your older kids help out? Do you have neighbors or friends who could come over or could take your son for a little bit, especially the first few weeks?
This is your time to heal and be selfish. Hang up that super mommy cape for awhile!
Good luck with everything!

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