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Hey moms of young children, NEED advice Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

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Unread 04-10-2012, 07:59 PM
Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

I am a 34 year old mommy of 3. DD 6yrs, DS 4yrs, and DD 20 months. I am scheduled to have a da vinci hysterectomy due to adenomyosis on June 1. I am primarily a stay at home mom, with a very flexible part time job as a church secretary. And I am very scared about my recovery and taking care of my kiddos. I am their primary caregiver, they even come with me to work. My husband works in the steel industry and works a lot, without any sick or family leave. So, we're counting on about a week of time off for him and then I'm flying solo, for the most part. Will have some help with grandparents as they can and teenage neighbor as she can.

My question/plea, does anyone have any advice, comments, things for the good of my families order that will make my recovery easier for all involved. And yes, the baby is still in the crib. Thinking about moving to toddler bed, but scared of that too, lol. Thank you for any advice!!!!!

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Unread 04-10-2012, 08:37 PM
Re: Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

I had da Vinci due to adenomyosis 6 days ago. I don't have little ones at home but can give you some ideas. I'm sure you'll get answers from some mommies soon too. You definitely need hubby for the first week. ( will he need help caring for you and the 3 kiddos?). I have no kids at home so hubby has only had me to take care of, but it's been a huge job. I can't do much besides walk to the bathroom, walk around the house to keep moving, and sit in the recliner . No energy, and lots of pain. He even has to help me put on socks and change pajama bottoms, as you can't bend or stoop. We also had one unexpected trip to the emergency room and one unexpected trip to the doctors office, all in the first 6 days. Make sure you have emergency sitters lined up in the event you need to make one of these unexpected trips after your surgery.Is there anyone at all ( out of town aunt maybe) that can come stay with you week 2? Even if you had no kids week 2 it will be all you can do to take care of just yourself home alone. You can't lift anything for quite some time. Talk to your doctor about your lifting restrictions. You may not be able to pick up your baby for many many weeks. It isn't that you'll feel pain, it is because you can cause damage that will require additional surgery. You'll fnd all kinds of information and answers n hystersisters, so keep looking around the website. Post all your questions and look for answers. Best of luck to you darling! Start now stocking up on everything you can think of that you may need for a month. I started bying 2 of many items about a month before. having things on hand will be a Godsend after surgery. You won't be allowed to drive for 2 weeks, and even after that you won't be able to push a shopping cart for a long long time. After surgery there are restrictions for bending, stooping, lifting, twisting, etc. Not because of pain tolerance, but again to avoid complications that will cause further surgery. Masny women have to have bladder and bowel surgery later because they didn't follow the restrictions because they felt well enough to do these things, but didn't wait long enough.You said you work at the church. Maybe there is some ladies there that will volunteer to take come help on days you can't get the grandparents or teenager neighbor there. Your really going to need somebody with you at all times for a few weeks or longer to help with the kids.
Unread 04-10-2012, 09:13 PM
Re: Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

Thank you so much for all of this advice and suggestions. I'm so sorry that you had all of those extra doctor's/er visits. Hope that you are beginning to feel a bit better. You brought up some very good points that I haven't even thought about. I will definitely be stocking up on stuff now. And reaching out to people that I've been afraid to impose on. Your post gave me somewhat of a wake up call. I've had c-sections and I keep thinking that this will be just like it. Thank you again!
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Unread 04-10-2012, 09:55 PM
Re: Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

I have surgery on Thursday and have a 8,6,4 and 15 month old. My hubby was planning on going back to work on Monday half days as I will only have the 15 month old to care for. I hope to have friends come babysit me during the day while I am alone with the baby. My dr hasn't given my any restrictions except for no sex. I asked about lifting the baby and she told me to do only what my body will allow. I don't have family nearby, and even though we offered to pay for my MIL plane ticket so she could help, she refused to fly out to take cre of the kids. I will keep you updated on how things go for me as I see we have kids will similar ages.

Unread 04-11-2012, 10:26 AM
Re: Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

Hi there, my kids aren't babies anymore, but I have faced lifting restrictions in the pst. One thing I did was, when I needed to pick up one of them I sat on the lounge or a chair and had them climb up onto my lap. It would be a good idea to start getting the youngest one into a bed, you can use a portable side rail to make sure they don't fall out. If you start preparing them now they will be used to it by the time your surgery rolls around. Good luck!
Unread 04-11-2012, 01:19 PM
Re: Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

From what I've read this surgery and it's recovery will make your c sections look like a cake walk. You've got time to prepare, so it's good your on here and other stay at home moms can give you hints and ideas to help you get through. Today I'm feeling much better than yesterday. ( today is 1 week post Da Vinci). Was able to cut way down on the pan pills today and still have very low energy, but the foggy head, sickly feeling is subsiding.I liked Sarah's plan of having a babysitter come in when your hubby goes back to work. By week 2 you should be better able to take care of yourself ( meals, drinks, showering alone, etc.) but having someone come in to babysit kids and help you if you need anything for yourself may be just what you need. Even if you can get maybe several friends/church ladies to come in for just one day each you can do this!
Klabri24 gave me a good idea for you. Start now " training" all the kiddos for changes that will come. Your 6 year old will be a tremendous help for you with all the bending and reaching you won't be allowed to do. I read a post on here the other day from a lady that trained her dog to pick up things for her that she kept dropping. She kept dog treats in her robe pocket and it worked. Maybe stock up on nickles and dimes and start playing games with the kids now. ( mommy will give you a nickle if you go to the fridge and get me a water, or put my socks on me, etc.) I did this last weekend with my 6 year old Grandson. I paid him quarters to fill my bird feeders , bring me chapstick and pick up a few things I dropped. Eventually he looked at me and said, " Grandma, I have enough quarters now, can I just play.: It was precious!
Unread 04-11-2012, 01:24 PM
Re: Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

I will be having my surgery in 5days On Monday the 16th. I started preparing food and freezing it. Makes things easier on the hubby. He can toss it in the oven when he comes in. ive made arrangments for the boy (12,8 on the 16th and 3) to stay with my sister the first week. Thank GOD she lives nextdoor. However Im still super stressed about them being in someone elses care. Im a stay home mom who is very involved in my babies lives. I hope to have them back in the house with in a week. I made sure we had all the extras here snacks, toilet paper tissues soaps shampoo tooth paste all the stuff you run out of when you need it most. Ive made arrangments for things like milk and eggs to be delivered by a personal shoper in our local area. I was told I have to have TAH and a bladder sling so Im out for atleast 2 weeks. Check with your local church and see if they have someone willing to hellp with deliveries of needed food items. God bless you and your in my prayers!
Unread 04-11-2012, 01:25 PM
Re: Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

colorful daisy
About the Mother In Law. maybe it's for the best. I have read posts from ladies that got their MIL to reluctantly come help, and the MIL made things worse. One lady had to spend a week listening to her MIL complain about how she didn't feel well enough to cook dinner and stuff like that. mae it more stressful for this lady to have her MIL there!Another lady said the MIL came and all her hubbys " mommy issues" surfaced and it got so bad they had to put her on a bus and send her home. lol
Unread 04-11-2012, 04:55 PM
Re: Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

I am scheduled for the 24th and have a 9, 7 and 2 year old. Luckily my FIL lives with us and will help out all but about 4 hours a day when he is at work. During that 4 hours, if DH cant be here, I will have friends come over to help . Both my Hubby and FIL are excellent cooks, so we dont have to worry about eating well with me laid up.

I suggest linging up friends to help, accepting offers of dinners if they are made and accept any help that is offered.. Also get some easy meals prepared and frozen. It will help

I have been advised that I will not be able to lift anything over 10 pounds for at least 4 weeks.
Unread 04-11-2012, 07:47 PM
Re: Hey moms of young children, NEED advice

I had a DaVinci 6 months ago. I don't have young children, but had a little senior dog.

I was told not to lift anything heavier than 10 lbs. My dog is 10 lbs. I couldn't lift him for 3 weeks.

I agree with the other suggestions. Begin figuring out how you are going to take care of your kids. Put the mattress on the floor and stack all your diapers, wipes, etc. there. I was able to get down on the floor after the first week, I just couldn't pick my dog up. We kept him on a leash so I could walk him and food/water was on the floor.

Plan ways to corral your kids (baby gates, etc). Keep lots of toys, snacks, children's videos, movies, and activities with your bedside supplies. Involve the older kids in "helping" mommy. Give them rewards for helping and good behavior.

Maybe some of the ladies at church can also help you out. For several weeks I napped off and on all day. You just don't want to have to worry about your kids while you are resting. My mornings were good, but by lunchtime, I was down for the rest of the day. The exhaustion and swelly belly really surprised me. That went on for several weeks.

Look around on the forum. There are many suggestions for preparing (kids, pets, cleaning house, grocery shopping, easy meals, snacks, etc). I over-prepared and I had a great recovery.

I had all kinds of snacks nearby (nuts, jerky, apple sauce, pudding, jello, Ensure, juice, 7-up, crackers, trail mix, etc. I had a refrigerator nearby for items that needed to be cold. I kept napkins, plates, plastic dinnerware, etc. handy. I was able to eat something no matter how I was feeling. You will want easy foods for your kids.

I planned meals that would be easy for my husband to fix (pot pies, hot dogs, chips and sandwiches, hamburgers, tv dinners, spaghetti prepared ahead and other frozen prepared meals) and grocery shopped for those meals. I made soups, chili, spaghetti, etc.

My husband built me a wooden bed tray onto a metal cart we got at sears. I kept my computer on it so I could use it in bed but not endure the weight of the computer. I attached my portable fan for the hot flashes, reading glasses, books, knitting, movies, heat pad, medications, water bottle, socks for my feet, aromatherapy, etc. I had all my favorite things close by and I used all of them.

Overall, I over-prepared and I wasn't sorry at all. There was no rush for me to hurry-up my recovery and it has worked out great.

Best of luck with your journey. You will do great. Take advantage of the time to prepare and it will be a successful journey.


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