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Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned) Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

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  #1  
Unread 04-15-2012, 12:47 PM
Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

I felt like I had to post this & maybe I'll feel better- warning, will prob be long.
I am 3.5 weeks away from having my surgery & its really starting to hit me. I have SO much I want/need to do & there isnt anyone that'll help with this side of things. My home is a disaster, Im hurting lots (& sure the stress isnt helping), I now need to re-hang a curtain rod in my DD's room bc the "cat" (read sarcastically) pulled it right out of the wall, my mother wants me to do some things @ her house (bc "after all (she) is helping me by watching my DD after surgery"), I want to go look at getting a recliner or a sofa w a recliner (with my tax refund when it shows up) so I know I have some comfy places to relax & heal...
Im just so tired. I would love to crawl into bed & wake up the day after surgery is done. I know things will all get done (they always do), but I am just so overwhelmed right now. 1 friend I was really counting on for help w my kiddo now says she cant help, another friend (whom ive always done lots for & with) is also saying shes "busy"- I didnt even ask a specific day. I guess its times like these you find out who your friends really are. My parents dont seem to understand how stressed I am about 1) needing this surgery in the first place & 2)all the stuff I need to get done & that I could use some help even though I "havent even had the surgery yet".
This is all worse today bc I am likely going to start a period soon (oh yay!), but I just feel like I am running up against a wall & not getting anywhere.
On top of all I "need" to do, there are so many things I "want" to do. I want to work on getting some garden stuff done so all the hard work is out of the way before surgery. We dont do a lot, mostly in containers, but it still takes time & energy away from the other stuff. Our "garden" is very important to my 6yo since we have done it every yr together. Its time we can spend together that isnt stressful & she is always so proud of what we "harvest".

Anyway, I was feeling really "alone" & felt like it would help just posting this.
Im looking forward to May 9th (surg day) bc whatever is done is done & no sense worrying abt it bc cant change it then.
Thank you to whoever stuck through reading my whole rant! <3
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  #2  
Unread 04-15-2012, 01:47 PM
Re: Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

Hi Ace! I'm sorry that you're feeling overwhelmed today and that the ones you were counting on are not following through!! Try to take a breath and focus on what NEEDS to get done. Don't spend time worrying about what you WANT to get done. Believe it or not, there is life after your hyster so the WANT to do stuff can happen...and later is okay! You need to worry about you right now and it's okay to put yourself at the top of the list!!

Start getting your house clean and ready for after surgery...or better yet, hire someone to come and clean it for you if that helps.

Go buy yourself that recliner that you want so it's ready for you. Remember...it's ALL about pampering the princess!!

Start planning some meals that you can make ahead of time and freeze so that you are ready to go with food.

Tell your mother that although you totally appreciate her taking care of your daughter during the initial days of your recovery, you have a lot to get done to prepare your home and that needs to come first. If you have time after you're prepared, you'd be more than happy to help her with her needs, but really I'm sure she'll understand if you have a heart to heart with her.

Most importantly...take ONE step and day at a time!! Remember that you are not alone...you have all of your sisters on this site to support you!!!

Hang in there! Sending HUGS your way!! :-)
  #3  
Unread 04-15-2012, 02:06 PM
Re: Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

I found having time to prepare for surgery both a blessing and a curse. I had time to think about what needed to be done and do it, but at the same time the stress was overwhelming. For me, the stress was interferring with my sleep and I ended up needing a prescription that helped me sleep at night.
I agree with making a list of what needs to be done and getting help to reach these goals. So many women feel that they must do everything independently; we tend to exhaust ourselves and put our physical and mental health at risk. So, hire the cleaning help and maybe some teenagers to help with the gardening. These same teenagers will be able to help pull weeds during the weeks you are under bending restrictions (I did not think of getting this help and my flower beds were horrible at the end of 6 weeks!).
Your mom is possibly also feeling stress knowing her schedule will be fuller while she watches your daughter. She could probably use the same advice to get help--but not from you!!!
Good luck during the next weeks--remember to take time to slow down, relax, and know that all will work out. Good luck to you!
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  #4  
Unread 04-15-2012, 02:15 PM
Re: Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

my surgery is tomorrow and i'm in the middle of my bowel prep.... trying to get everything done... and no one understands just how bad i've actually felt the past 2 years.... why i'm always so tired... my mom is coming to stay with my son, since i've already been told i'll be in the hospital overnight at least, but she's given me a list of things i need to have here.....i worked 12 hr shifts up until yesterday so not much is done yet. just wish they could feel like i do for 1 day.... maybe they would quit thinking i'm just a chronic complainer....
  #5  
Unread 04-15-2012, 07:58 PM
Re: Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

I'm 11 days post op and so glad that I stressed and prepared like a crazy lady the month before. I am able to rest and recover properly now without worrying about what needs done. I even went on a big binge with yard work. ( unnecessary at the time to everyone but me) Post op, I can seriously tell you that with all the recovery down time I can now walk around in the yard without all these nagging things staring me in the face that I know I will not be able to do till late summer or fall because of recovery restrictions.I can smile while outside, and it makes me feel good. make a priority list, and do what you need and want to do for you and your house and kids to make recovery easier for you. Over anxiety stress and over working now is better than stressing and trying to do things too soon after surgery and harming your recovery. If It's something your going to sit and stare at for 4 weeks during your recovery and bug the heck out of you, add it to the list! If you can live with it, leave it off the list, or put near the bottom of the list.Keeping super busy pre op also keeps your mind from thinking about all the horror story type things about surgery as much.
  #6  
Unread 04-15-2012, 10:49 PM
Re: Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

Thanks Meka, lmpb, trbl, & cathb for your replies! "trbl"- I cant believe you took the time to reply in the middle of "bowel prep dayl- you are a saint! Making a more specific, prioritized list makes lots of sense- why couldnt I have thought of that?
Having a heart to heart with my mom really isnt likely to help- we are both nurses (although she hasnt been anywhere near a patient in centuries )- so, both of us are very stubborn. To her it is more important that I set up her new vacuum (that I gave her @ CHRISTMAS!) 2moro than me working on my own home. Last I checked Christmas was over 3 months ago- but it needs to"get done now". I think she almost sees it as me "paying her"for what help she gives me post-op. Also,
she wants me out in the yard with her
removing & labeling the covers that go
on bushes in winter to protect them
from the deer eating them. Again, I
think "REALLY, NOW?", when I had
offered a few weeks back (but she
wasnt "avail to help"). Tonight we all
went out for dinner & she asked me "so
what are WE going to do about the
trash situation after your surgery &
you arent up to going to the dump?".
Seriously? "Not up to going" to do the
trash? Ugh! Just frustrating. Sounds
very dumb as I put it on here.
Trbl- my mom has already asked me what food I should stock up on @ her house for my 6yo. Now mind you- we only live abt 3 miles apart so she sees her granddaughter very often.
To my mom this surgery is 1)very common & not a big deal- "its done every day", & 2) not to be stressed abt bc "it shud have been done a long time ago". I am 37. She never even had a menstrual cramp in her life, so cant even imagine what my periods feel like never mind my daily pain. Its hard thinking abt no more babies- but I do owe it to my DD & myself to do this & do it right so we can BOTH have better
lives.
Cathb-I am so glad u mentioned how happy u were u did the impt outside things. Getting our seeds going & a few plants in is very impt to me. No, it wont be as impt as the clean house is to anyone who comes by- but it will make me feel better as im recovering. The plants growing & thriving will be such joy to check up on (and will last much longer than my "clean" house).
Today I managed to get the curtain in my DD's room re-hung (very sturdily I might add ) bc that HAD to get done. 1st thing in am I will re-organize my list by priority- hmmm, where will the bush wrappings & vacuum assembly fall?. Then I will start to tackle them from top to bottom til my day at the castle comes.
Thank you all for "listening". I knew I could count on my sisters for some great advice & cheering up!!!
Hugs & Best wishes to you all!!
  #7  
Unread 04-15-2012, 11:02 PM
Re: Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

I don't think that your frustrations sound dumb at all!! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your mom! I hope that you will find a way to make it about you right now!! Staying busy will pass the time rather quickly and it sounds like you will be one busy girl for a couple of weeks. Have fun gardening...sounds like that needs to be on the top of your list so it doesn't happen to get left out or became a "chore". :-)
  #8  
Unread 04-15-2012, 11:41 PM
Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Meka40 View Post
I don't think that your frustrations sound dumb at all!! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your mom! I hope that you will find a way to make it about you right now!!
Thank you Meka! I love my mother to pieces but its so hard to be around her with things like this. I had most of my surgeries living 1500 miles away- & it was more of a blessing to me than a hardship. She looks at things by how bad they look on the outside. Or, sometimes even goes by a comparison if she knows someone who has gone through the same thing. I just about screamed the other day. She told me she ran into my doc when she was on her way to a meeting (they used to be friends)- she said to him "so, I hear WE are going to be seeing you again in about a month". He politely changed the subject bc of course he cant say anything. When he called me a few days later to answer a question I had he mentioned the awkward situation to me. He said "i didnt realize having a hysterectomy is a 'we' thing... Wow". (He wasnt friends with her anymore after I became his patient about 6yrs ago bc she doubts my "complaints" are real. He has tried- with my permission & blessing- to explain things to her w/o success.)
I heard her talking with a friend of hers about how she would be missing a sewing class bc of my surgery- sounded like "poor me". Very frustrating.
In order to keep the peace I will likely give her my few hours of "free time" while my daughter is in school on monday (she is in kindergarten & it is only half day here ). If "her" stuff isnt done in that time then it is going to have to get done by her or wait til I am "cleared" for whatever activity it is. (My doctor joked @ 1 point about writing an "order" that she & I are to
stay away from each other & that I have to go to my own home for recovery bc he said he worries abt the stress.)
  #9  
Unread 04-15-2012, 11:43 PM
Re: Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

My tulips bloomed 2 days post op, and It was the highlight of my week. I go out on the porch each day just to take a peek. I definitely agree that gardening now will bring you joy post op, especially on those days you get a bit sad post op.Just remember you won't be able to bend, stoop, or lift after surgery till maybe early July, so don't do anything that will require maintenance that your little girl can't go out with you and do post op with your supervision.
I'd put your MOM's vacuum on the top of the list just to get it out of the way and get her off your back. I'd tell her you have 300 things on your to do list, and only enough time to do 250 of them, so you'll give her one day to do the vacuum and whatever else she needs done pre op, but tell her to prioritize because she only gets you one day. Make it clear that she needs to hire/ask someone else if more things come up later.( bring that up now or you'll be in the same boat later when she starts calling you for things).
What's the deal with the trash? Do you pick up your mom's trash and take it to the dump each week or what?
About the food for your daughter...Is your Mom expecting you to pay for this? Is your daughter temporarily moving in with her after your surgery? Is the 5 year old your only child? Just trying to get a clearer picture so I can better put my 2 cents in. lol Sounds like your Mom is going to be toxic to your recovery and makes me so glad my Mom lives on the other side of the country.
  #10  
Unread 04-16-2012, 12:41 PM
Its one of those yucky days :( (kids mentioned)

I just wanted to say - I read your post ALL the way through. My first thought - you poor thing, wish I could help!

As I can't , (sorry) my thoughts would be time schedule everything, lists and time management. Be methodical, your "friends" don't appear to be good friends if they let you down like this. But I don't know them. So good luck, take it slow and take care x
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