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Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking! Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

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Unread 04-20-2012, 08:03 PM
Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

Ok, so surgery is on Tuesday. I was feeling pretty good about it all, especially after my last 3 unmedicated periods! Yikes. Then I did something stupid. I went through the Sexual Dysfunction forum and red through a thread that really alarmed me.

After 3 conversations with my doctor, talking to numerous women who've had hysterectomies (one was even the RN that did my pre-op registration), and reading way too much online I was really feeling like everything was going to be ok. Now, after reading that thread I'm panicking and it's not a fun feeling because I suffer from severe anxiety disorder.

I'm afraid of being too dry without a cervix. I'm afraid I'll lose sensitivity in my vagina and even worse clitoris. I'm afraid orgasms won't feel satisfying or complete without a uterus.

I'm only 35. I'm too young to have a happy, successful marriage without sex. Ladies, I'm panicking. Give me some positive post-op sex stories, please.
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Unread 04-20-2012, 08:20 PM
Re: Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

Abagayle -

Don't let the negative stories on the Internet freak you out. Some women say sex is better after their hysterectomy, some say it is worse, some say it is the same, and everywhere in between.

I had a TAH BSO in May of last year and for me sex feels different. My orgasms are not as intense - I miss the muscle contraction. But, they tend to be more frequent. Go figure. The body can adjust in a number of ways and that is how mine did. We do need to use lubricant, and that is frustrating for me. As my energy returns, so does my libido.

Sex life after a hysterectomy may not be identical to how it was before, but you and your DH need to have patience with your "new" body. It may take some time but I bet you will work it out.

Unread 04-20-2012, 10:11 PM
Re: Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

I'm only 2 weeks post op, so I can't tell you any results yet. I have been terrified as well. I was tempted to cancel my surgery because I was so paranoid about the sex issue. My DH kept telling me I was paranoid for nothing, but I have a little voice in the back of my head that is wondering still....I do feel that lubricant will work if we end up dry and our DH is never going to feel any difference. What I'm worried about is the orgasm part. So many ladies post it is better after. I just fear with my luck I'll be one of the minority with and issue.
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Unread 04-20-2012, 10:38 PM
Re: Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

My surgery is on Monday and I have actually been wanting to back out and find another solution because I am afraid of the sexual dysfunction as well. But I know I need this surgery in order to get back to feeling better. I also have severe anxiety disoder and that dosen't help the libido a whole lot either. I am only 32 myself. My DH has told me that he feels that haveing the surgery well fix a lot of the anxiety for me. I think I hope it will also help in the libido department as well. I think some of it has to do with retraining our bodies and minds to get used to what it has to do in the sex department. I guess we will find out and whatever is it just is.
Unread 04-20-2012, 11:30 PM
Re: Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

My surgery was on Dec 12 (a date I will never forget) and I'm doing great. Healing, exercising, running, working and enjoying sex! It's so nice not having them massive periods. This surgery with as scared as I was, was the best decision I could have made. Stay strong gals, and use your recovery time wisely. Spend as much time that you can resting and eating well. I used 6 weeks at home with the great Hubs lifting everything for me. I hope you all heal fast.
Unread 04-21-2012, 07:01 AM
Re: Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

Had a Day Vinci on Jan 31 only one ovary left. My orgasms are more intense and easier to come by.. I've seen more women post no change in sex or better sex life ..
Unread 04-21-2012, 07:41 AM
Re: Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

I was scared too. I read the same threads that you did and it was terrifying! I cried and sobbed and deliberated over whether I should have the surgery.

Now that it's over, my body seems to be wanting sex. I have been having O's in my sleep on a regular basis. I had one the very first night I was home!! They used to happen about once a month or so pre op. Now I'm having one about every 5 days. CRAZY!
Unread 04-21-2012, 09:43 AM
Re: Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

Abagayle sweetie, please take a deep, cleansing breath. I know you are worried, we all are/were. Remember that sex is also very mental and surgery does not change that. Knowing what makes you you is 95% of who you are sexually. I was extremely concerned as to what would happen to my sexual self - libido, lube, orgasm. My doctor didn't sugarcoat anything but explained that even without surgery, I had the potential for a changed sex life due to my crazy uterus, hormones and the like. For me, I'm 17 million times sexier than before. I don't have the constant bleeding, cramps, tiredness and psychotic hormonal roller coaster to deal with any more. I have easy, stupendous, multiple, well lubricated orgasms now. I'm on HRT and have zero regrets in my deciding to have my dVh/BSO. Gmac is correct. I've seen WAY more positive outcomes than negatives. Listen to Marestail, she has been honest about the changes she has seen, but she knows that change is a constant thing and that she can embrace that and enjoy her sex life because she and her hubby have new aspect of her that they are exploring. Should you experience sexual dysfunction, share and learn from the ladies in that forum. That forum is not there to scare us. It's there for us to learn how to overcome something we don't understand. I KNOW you will be super post-op because that's who you are pre-op. Trust me, trust us, trust yourself
Unread 04-21-2012, 09:58 AM
Re: Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

Abagayla -

You have received some wonderful advice. As said while no one can offer you a 100% guarantee here are things that I hope assuage some of your fears.

You are keeping your ovaries. That will help because you will still have hormones. Often those of us that have had some challenges are those that went into sudden surgical menopause because our ovaries had to be removed.

If you are currently experiencing pain or discomfort and that is removed you will have a better experience. For me I had no pain prior to surgery but I had cancer so everything had to go and my healing was a bit challenging so my pain came after my surgery and that was daunting to get over.

Give yourself the gift of letting things be different but good after the surgery. I think that the people who expect it to be exactly like pre-surgery may have a more difficult time if things change even a little bit. Remember true intimacy isn't just intercourse and simultaneous orgasms. Don't get me wrong those are good but don't pressure yourself that it has to be like that every time.

Give yourself the gift of time. Initial healing can take 2/4 to 6/8 weeks depending on a number of factors. Full healing takes 6 to 12 months and things will change over that time.

As for me, remember I went through surgical menopause, things are different and good but I've learned alot about myself and what's important over my journey. I have to use that mental side to get in the mood more than before and I had to find new mental stories to keep me engaged. Orgasms are a little tougher to come by but when they do they are good.

As has been said 'take deep breaths' also 'don't waste a good worry'. You don't know that any of this is in your future so why worry about it now. All you area doing is spoiling today so try to live in this particular moment.

Unread 04-21-2012, 11:31 PM
Re: Sexual dysfunction fears again. Panicking!

I was also very worried about sex post op. I didn't have any problems with heavy or painful periods. I had no pain with sex and had amazing intense orgasms. I really think that most of us have some changes post op. Logically, with all the work thats being done down there, and organs removed we would be naive to think nothing would change. Having said that, these changes seem to be easier to adjust to when there were problems with pain and bleeding pre op. With those issues gone, sex is automatically better.

But for those of us with great sex lives pre op and no limitations imposed by pain or bleeding, these changes can be a lot harder to adjust to. That has been my experience, at least. My orgasms feel much more superficial without my uterus contracting and I really miss that. Sometimes it still makes me cry.

Sex post op does take patience and communication. It is taking time for me and DH to get "back on track". Much longer than the couple months I anticipated. I am very grateful to have an amazing DH to support me during this time. My goal was better health, but I've emerged with a better, stronger relationship.

At some point we need to take the leap and hope for the best. Have faith in your decision, your doctor, and your God. We only discover wonderful new places after we've lost sight of the other shore.

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