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Husband Frustrations Husband Frustrations

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  #11  
Unread 04-29-2012, 06:22 AM
Re: Husband Frustrations

Cath,
I also was on the site for a while before my surgery. We would talk about how some significant others were real jerks.
I am very lucky in that respect, he has been wonderful. If he does throw out an occasional stupid remark, I tell him that I am going to report him to all of my HysterSisters. That is our new joke, "What are you going to do? Tell on me..."
We have fun with it.
Kim

ps... we are pretty close to neighbors, we just bought a house in Mt. Clemens
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  #12  
Unread 04-29-2012, 06:49 AM
Re: Husband Frustrations

  Quote:
Originally Posted by winemaker View Post
Cath,
I also was on the site for a while before my surgery. We would talk about how some significant others were real jerks.
I am very lucky in that respect, he has been wonderful. If he does throw out an occasional stupid remark, I tell him that I am going to report him to all of my HysterSisters. That is our new joke, "What are you going to do? Tell on me..."
We have fun with it.
Kim

ps... we are pretty close to neighbors, we just bought a house in Mt. Clemens
How is your recovery going? Wow, that;s weird we live so close. Do you have little ones in school there?
  #13  
Unread 04-29-2012, 07:03 AM
Re: Husband Frustrations

Cath,
I will be 7 weeks on Tuesday, my recovery has gone exceptionally well. The Doc said no carrying boxes, just packing and unpacking...but I can't sit back and just watch. I've stuck to the light boxes.
Yesterday I painted the kitchen, today will be the livingroom. I feel great. I do have RA, so I am on pain meds for that daily, I think that helps with any residual pains from the TAH.
Our kids - mine - 22 & 20, his - 21 & 19 are way past school age.
I hope you are doing well!
Kim
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  #14  
Unread 04-29-2012, 07:24 AM
Re: Husband Frustrations

  Quote:
Originally Posted by winemaker View Post
Cath,
I will be 7 weeks on Tuesday, my recovery has gone exceptionally well. The Doc said no carrying boxes, just packing and unpacking...but I can't sit back and just watch. I've stuck to the light boxes.
Yesterday I painted the kitchen, today will be the livingroom. I feel great. I do have RA, so I am on pain meds for that daily, I think that helps with any residual pains from the TAH.
Our kids - mine - 22 & 20, his - 21 & 19 are way past school age.
I hope you are doing well!
Kim
Take it easy. We moved last year and there is so much your going to be tempted to do. My kids are grown and gone , so no little ones for me either.
  #15  
Unread 04-29-2012, 07:40 AM
Re: Husband Frustrations

Yes, my DH was kind of like that too - it's like he was trying to downplay the whole thing. It did make me feel disappointed and scared of what was to come - was he going to downplay my recovery as well? I kept reminding myself that the male brain does thing differently and "shuts off" sometimes when it comes to those sensitive, emotional subjects. I also pulled from prior experience with him - he's always take exceptional care of me, even if I have just a little cold, he's always made me comfortable, gotten anything I asked for, thinks ahead for what I might need and takes the time to just stop and cuddle me. Those prior experiences went a long way during the pre-op days when he was acting so dumb and unemotional about the surgery. In the end, he came through with flying colors - I couldn't have asked for a better caregiver, partner during the recovery process. He was there every single minute, even when he was at work - he would call or txt to just check on me. Got up out of the bed at 10:00 at nite and went to the grocery because I was having a hankerin' for some orange soda! I'm sure your DH is probably just having "male brain" syndrome and will totally be there for you Rely on your sisters here for your support in the meantime! We're here for you and we understand!!! Many huggs!!!
  #16  
Unread 04-29-2012, 11:07 AM
Re: Husband Frustrations

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovelyladylumps View Post
Do normally good and decent husbands act stupid before hysterectomies? I ask mine to go to the doctor with me and he said "with my schedule it would be really hard." I ask if he wanted to ask questions and he said "what questions would I have to ask". Today his main concern is asking me to keep the pubic area shaved once they shave it for surgery. I am getting really frustrated with him. Who would feel like shaving a sore and sensitive area after surgery when it hurts to breathe probably. He is making me feel alone and sad not being a part of this. It is a big deal to me.

Good Morning! I didn't have the same experience, but similar. I tried to discuss everything with my husband before the surgery. He has always depended on me, I take care of the house, the bills and work two jobs. He works but he likes his video games! Anyway, I was just completely honest with him prior to surgery and told him that I had a lot of fears because I knew I would be the "broken" one after surgery. I told him I knew he wouldn't be comfortable with me being weaker for a while. He, of course, said he would do what needed to be done (in truth, he fell waaay short on that one) but, I learned that they are who they are and to just be as honest as you can. Voice your concerns, don't hold them in. My husband lets it be known he doesn't really want to go to the doctor with me, but he will ask me if I want him to go. And he will go if I push it. BTW I am 5 weeks out a total DaVinci Hyst. Between my hormones or whatever it was afterwards, I was kind of depressed 3rd week out. Didn't feel llike anyone cared. But, I learned that I HAD to SPEAK UP! I have three young adult sons and a husband and even though I didn't think I should have to , I learned that I did. I had to be specific about my needs to each and every one of them! IF they hesitated too long, I would go into graphic detail about my surgery. That gets them moving!!! So, after all this, most of us on here probably can relate to you on some level. Your man is probably one of those who hesitates to deal with some specific realities. You may have to push! Good luck and keep us posted!

HUGS to all my sisters!
  #17  
Unread 04-29-2012, 11:24 AM
Re: Husband Frustrations

Hello lovely,
I understand my DH was great when this most recent and never ending mess started 3 months ago,but as time has passed he seems to want to do less and less and almost seems aggravated with me.He is a great husband I just believe that men are so dependent on there wives that they are scared knowing that now our job fall on them and they do not always handle like they should or even mean to.Like mentioned before,find post on here and talk about with him.Let him know other women's stories and that you need his help as well as his emotional support to help you through this.I did that last week and he has been so much better.It's almost like he did not completely understand what I was going through and maybe even thought I was kinda playing it up for a break..lol..and I to am still pre op.After our discussion and showing him around hystersisters he sent me to get hair done yesterday,made me a big breakfast and cleaned house while I was gone.Just talk to him sms try and help him know you need his support.I bet he will get it and likely feel bad about his behavior maybe you will get a pampered day to

And if not we are all here you to talk.Even though we may not be able to go to those apts with you we sure can talk to you when you get home
  #18  
Unread 04-29-2012, 11:45 AM
Re: Husband Frustrations

Communication is key. They won't assume anything. My DH saw me struggling to put my socks on recently and he just watched. Inside I was so sad that he wasn't helping and I started to cry. He told me he saw me struggling but I didn't ask for help so he thought I was trying to see if I could accomplish this task myself so I didn't feel so helpless. They don't think the way we do, so make sure you ASK. Prior to surgery he downplayed every fear and concern I had saying I'd be just fine and he had no interest to going to pre op doctor appointments either. Post op he has been terrific. I tried to fold a load of laundry today and he came over and said, go sit down, if you hurt yourself and have to get more surgery we are going to have to go through all this hell again, so SIT! I'm convinced that relaying hystersister stories to him constantly has helped him to understand.
  #19  
Unread 04-29-2012, 04:42 PM
Re: Husband Frustrations

My husband is being distant and moody. My surgery was Tuesday and he hasn't asked once how I'm feeling. He is, however, cooking steaks for us tonight. Some ladies lucked out in the hubby department while the rest of us get the less than sypathetic ones. Try not to take his apathy personally. I'm sure he loves you. He just deals with stress by removing himself from the situation like my husband does. It is a lonely place to be. I know. Try to lean on girlfriends and family for the support that you're missing from your hubby.

Big hugs to you.
  #20  
Unread 04-29-2012, 06:03 PM
Re: Husband Frustrations

I am so sorry you are going through this with him sweetie. I can't relate because I do have an incrediable husband who was at every doctors appt with me and asked questions that I didn't even think of. He has done all the housework, child care, cooking and even standing in the bathroom while I shower because he dosen't want me to fall. For the first couple of Days I was home he would make me call him on the intercom so he could be their when I got out of bed. And trust me I adore him for the man he is but GOD he got annoying afer a bit. I enjoyed the help the first couple of days with the showering and helping in and out of bed. He is military and he did have leave for a couple of weeks and it has been nice having him home. And belive me I have totally appreceiated everything he has done in the last week.
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