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A little offended A little offended

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  #1  
Unread 04-30-2012, 12:40 AM
A little offended

As we all know going through this is pretty stressful and at times like this we need our friends. I have a friend at work that I always lend an ear and try to help her with her problems because thats what friends do. However she has not asked a single question about my hysterectomy and the three times I have brought it up she changed the subject and talked about things that were going on with her. Thats fine I just blew it off. Then when I told her how our boss reacted by saying "6 weeks! I didn't think you would be gone that long!!" she said "I think she was just shocked... it is just a routine surgery" I couldn't believe she said that! I told her yes in the sense that they do it more now than they used to but it is still MAJOR surgery. she said "well yeah" and changed the subject. I am a little offended by this and thought maybe its because of the emotional state i'm in? Have any of you had similar situations?
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  #2  
Unread 04-30-2012, 02:11 AM
Re: A little offended

Hi, I've had a few comments by some friends that have quite offended me tbh, I was thinking maybe it's me being sensitive. I was sat with a few friends, one my age and best friend since childhood and two older ladies. I just mentioned that I had been on a fab website where I was finding out lots of info about whats to come. One of the older ladies turned around and said oh what do you mean the menopause? Don't worry about that the two of us have been there it's fine and my best friend turned around and said well I haven't ha ha. I was too embarrassed to talk about it further *** they didn't even give me a chance to explain my worries. What I wanted to remind them was actually I'm 41 not 51 and 64 like them, I will also be going through a surgical menopause not a natural one like them. I also don't know how I'm going to feel after my surgery. My best friend, apart from reminding me she won't go through menopause yet like the rest of us, she is 41, also made a comment about me searching that 'b----y website' - how does she know what she would do given the same situation or any major surgery for that matter!!! I have already had breast cancer two years ago so will also be unable to take hrt. I feel like they just think its 'routine' surgery and I have made a decision not to talk about it in their company. My mum has been through it 6 years and she's been great.
I don't think you should rush back to work, my occ health person told me if I have laparoscopic surgery I will be off at least 8 weeks, if I have open surgery will be off between 3 months and 6 months.
Xx
  #3  
Unread 04-30-2012, 08:49 AM
Re: A little offended

Leading up to my surgery, I was a mess and going through so much. My cousin/friend was going through her own health issues at the same time. I spent so many hours comforting her and helping her get answers to what was going on with her. Her stuff was way less serious than mine but helping her kept my mind off my stuff. Fast forward to after my surgery, she has yet to ask me once how my surgery went or if I'm okay. She'll message me about stupid mundane stuff I honestly don't care about at the moment.

It really hurt my feelings too. I'm there for everyone I know and when I needed it, some people really let me down. All I can do is keep moving on with my recovery take comfort from the people in my life that really care about me.
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  #4  
Unread 04-30-2012, 08:55 AM
Re: A little offended

I don't blame you a bit for feeling bad about this.

I'm not sure I agree with the term "routine", because it makes the hysterectomy seem like the removal of a hangnail or something. But even so, just because something is "routine" doesn't mean it isn't still "major". After all, hip and knee replacements have become very common procedures, but no one even questions the need for quite a bit of time off work for them.

The main reason that a hysterectomy is still considered a "big deal" in the surgical world is that you have several weeks of lifting and activity restrictions. No matter what procedure you have done, there are dozens of internal stitches which need a stress-free environment to heal properly. It doesn't matter how many times the operation is done, each patient still needs adequate time to heal properly!
  #5  
Unread 04-30-2012, 09:03 AM
Re: A little offended

  Quote:
Originally Posted by jaydee40 View Post
As we all know going through this is pretty stressful and at times like this we need our friends. I have a friend at work that I always lend an ear and try to help her with her problems because thats what friends do. However she has not asked a single question about my hysterectomy and the three times I have brought it up she changed the subject and talked about things that were going on with her. Thats fine I just blew it off. Then when I told her how our boss reacted by saying "6 weeks! I didn't think you would be gone that long!!" she said "I think she was just shocked... it is just a routine surgery" I couldn't believe she said that! I told her yes in the sense that they do it more now than they used to but it is still MAJOR surgery. she said "well yeah" and changed the subject. I am a little offended by this and thought maybe its because of the emotional state i'm in? Have any of you had similar situations?
jaydee40,

I don't blame you for being offended nor do I think you feel this way because you in an emotional state!

I have a close friend who is a surgical nurse, and I called her to gain some insight prior to surgery. She said that yes, it is "routine surgery" in these sense that is performed daily, HOWEVER, she also said "it is a MAJOR SURGERY."

Who knows why people react the way they do? Maybe she feels that if she dismisses the subject it can't happen to her, or maybe she is jealous of the attention you are/will receive....it's times like this when we figure out who our friends are and are not. Don't let it get you down!

Hugs!
  #6  
Unread 04-30-2012, 09:35 AM
Re: A little offended

People are unbelievably rude sometimes. When will they learn that it's better to say something like "I'm sorry this is happening to you. Can I help you out in any way" rather than belittling things.

I had one person tell me, after my hysterectomy, that I might as well have had my uterus taken out since I wasn't "using it anymore anyway."

I hope you can use this opportunity to educate the people you work with about your recovery needs! Don't let them push you.
  #7  
Unread 04-30-2012, 09:48 AM
Re: A little offended

I have learned that hystersisters is the place for support. Friends and family just don't get it. I stopped even talking about my surgery to people except my Mom who has been through it before and is very understanding. I talk to my DH also, and he is supportive, but I have educated him fully with things I learned on hystersisters.Try not to let your feelings get hurt by the ignorance of others, they all seem to think this surgery is like getting a tooth pulled. The surgical menopause they will never get, so stop trying. Even yiur 65 year old friends long past menopause still have a small amount of hormones being released in teir bodies. They have no idea that surgical menopause is a shock and drastically differently than natural menopause. even those girls keeping ovaries have fears of them shutting down and throwing them into menopause. Stick to the hystersisters for all your pre op support.!!
shutterbug00 I'm recovering too, and those annoying friends texting, emailing, and calling with mundane things...UGH! I've been ignoring them as much as possible. About once every 4 days I'll message back, " sorry I didn't get back to you, been really not feeling well and not up to gabbing on the phone" I could care less if they all get mad at me. They have no concern for my surgery details or recovery issues, and just want to drone on and on about mundane things that aren't important . I just don't have the energy or mental capacity right now to deal with it. I only answer the phone for a select few now. I know who is calling to check on me and to see if I need anything and who is calling just to gab and has no concern for me.
  #8  
Unread 04-30-2012, 10:34 AM
A little offended

  Quote:
Originally Posted by cathb911 View Post
I have learned that hystersisters is the place for support. Friends and family just don't get it. I stopped even talking about my surgery to people except my Mom who has been through it before and is very understanding. I talk to my DH also, and he is supportive, but I have educated him fully with things I learned on hystersisters.Try not to let your feelings get hurt by the ignorance of others, they all seem to think this surgery is like getting a tooth pulled. The surgical menopause they will never get, so stop trying. Even yiur 65 year old friends long past menopause still have a small amount of hormones being released in teir bodies. They have no idea that surgical menopause is a shock and drastically differently than natural menopause. even those girls keeping ovaries have fears of them shutting down and throwing them into menopause. Stick to the hystersisters for all your pre op support.!!
shutterbug00 I'm recovering too, and those annoying friends texting, emailing, and calling with mundane things...UGH! I've been ignoring them as much as possible. About once every 4 days I'll message back, " sorry I didn't get back to you, been really not feeling well and not up to gabbing on the phone" I could care less if they all get mad at me. They have no concern for my surgery details or recovery issues, and just want to drone on and on about mundane things that aren't important . I just don't have the energy or mental capacity right now to deal with it. I only answer the phone for a select few now. I know who is calling to check on me and to see if I need anything and who is calling just to gab and has no concern for me.
I found I didn't mind mundane text messages when I got to the point where I still felt to crappy to really do anything but at the same time was getting a lil bored...it kinda have me other things to think about. Plus when I didn't feel like carrying on the conversation any more I just quit responding....lol. As for phone
calls I just didn't answer....
  #9  
Unread 04-30-2012, 10:45 AM
Re: A little offended

I got the "you aren't using it anyway" also. One friend actually never called me again after I told her I was having surgery. I'm not sure if it's ignorance or what that makes people say these things, I doubt it is malicious but it does hurt. I agree, come here for support and don't expect much from others, although some friends and acquaintences will understand. You can try educating the rest but some will just never get it. Ask for help and support from those you think may be willing, but be prepared to be turned down sometimes. I hope someday the clueless ones "get it". At least we are here for you.
  #10  
Unread 04-30-2012, 10:55 AM
Re: A little offended

I have been going through the same thing!! My surgery is May 22nd and ive known for over a month!!! In that time i have lost contact with my own grandmother due to trying to fight with me about my decision. All my friends have disappeared or they tell me ill be ok and change subject! I am 28yrs old and this is a huge deal to me. They all feel its not because I had already had a tubal. They just say I dont need the parts so why worry?? Ive come to realize some people are just heartless and self absorbed!! I dont have time to worry about them right now so ive moved on!! Just remember we are here if you need to talk.
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