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A little offended A little offended

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Unread 04-30-2012, 09:07 PM
Re: A little offended

Originally Posted by jaydee40 View Post
Thank you all for so much! I've gotta say I feel a little less alone. I just don't understand some people. I mean if the situations were reversed we would certainly be there for them! i mean I thought she was my friend and she knows that I don't have support from home. But I have shoulders to cry on here at hystersisters right? Thank you all!

Yes you do!
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Unread 04-30-2012, 09:22 PM
Re: A little offended

I'm so sorry that this happened. Some people can be so insensitive. They don't seem to have the empathy gene...or the "maybe I better think about what I say before I say it" gene. I count myself among the incredibly blessed to have SUPER supportive husband, son, in-laws and boss. I've been told that I am by NO means to come back to work before I'm ready...no matter how long it takes. However I have worked with insensitive jerks before that have said some really hurtful things. My mom died almost 11 years ago from breast cancer and I was working for a large company. My mom lived with my son and myself and we were extremely close so the last month of her life, I took FMLA to take care of her. The morning after she passed, I called to let them know at work and they didn't even say they were sorry...first words out were "so you'll be back to work on Monday?". This was on a Thursday. Things people say can hurt but just remember that they are ignorant so what they say doesn't really matter in the long run. Just remember...we all care about you here. You are not alone. Unfortunately, it's times like this when we get to see the true colors of others.

Cheer up...you will not go through this alone!

Unread 04-30-2012, 09:30 PM
Re: A little offended

Most of those close to me have seem me during the worst of the pain, and seen me unable to walk upright. And those who are not close simply don't really care beyond what society dictates. But then you have to factor in that we are not that far past the time that "female problems" weren't discussed in polite society. Some of the women in my Sunday school class blush horribly when I mention it. Some people are just not comfortable talking about hysterectomies.

And yes I have had my feelings hurt
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Unread 04-30-2012, 09:46 PM
Re: A little offended

I really think people show there true colors when those close or not close, have major trauma (surgery in our case.) I know some of the women I work with were just uncaring and I work at a chemical dependency treatment center and 95 percent of the staff are in recovery ourselves. Just ignore those who want to hurt your feelings, be good to your self get as much done before your surgery and plan for your recovery. you then will find out who your true friends are. Best of luck to all of you.
Unread 04-30-2012, 09:58 PM
Re: A little offended

I do have to admit that before I had to deal with hysterectomy I really didn't know how serious it was either. I didn't realize I would be off work for 8 weeks and have restrictions for so long. And I also didn't realize the ovaries go into shock post op and make for an emotional roller coaster. There is much my doctor didn't tell me. I do know I would be much more compassionate if the tables were turned and ask questions and educate myself. I was very lucky to have one dear friend who said everything right.
Unread 05-01-2012, 02:15 AM
Re: A little offended

Even tho as previously mentioned certain friends have been insensitive I have an amazingly supportive family. I can talk to my husband about most of it but am so so grateful to be able to come here. Work are being very good but I will admit I have a lot of guilt about having to take time off work - I have already had ten weeks off this year after a car accident at Xmas.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences xxx
Unread 05-01-2012, 07:29 AM
Re: A little offended

I am glad I found this thread. I can vent. One of my supposed bff lives out of state from me. She knows I am having this surgery tomorrow, and she has yet to ask me a thing about it. My sister had the surgery 7 years ago and has yet to ask me anything. I am shocked. What is wrong with these ladies that they think its ok not to offer an ear or ask you how your doing leading up to the date?? I am just baffled. I would offer all sorts of help to them if needed. In fact, I did help my sister when she had hers.
I've been talking to my husband about this whole thing and thankfully, we had been threw 2 fairly difficult pregnancies...so he is a little more used to listening to this "gross" stuff as he puts it.
I do have one other bff that is also having this done later in May, so I am grateful I have her to talk to about this prep etc and after stuff. I even asked her to come to the castle to talk gross girl things with me... to give my hubby a break from it. Had it not been for this site, I am not sure what I would have done. I love this and I love all my fellow sisters!
Unread 05-01-2012, 08:07 AM
Re: A little offended

Try not to take it personally. When my doctor first recommended a hysterectomy I thought "wooohooo, it's about time." Then I found this site and discovered how BIG this surgery really is. I had no idea that it would be 6 weeks before I could even move, sweep, or vaccuum. I had no idea that this surgery could affect my orgasms. I had no idea of a lot of things. People don't mean to offend us when they seem to trivialize the surgery. They just aren't informed.
Unread 05-01-2012, 11:43 AM
Re: A little offended

I'm sorry that you've had to deal with such insensitivity. Someone posted that we aren't too far removed from when "female issues" weren't discussed socially if at all. It makes me wonder how our ancesters dealt with it! Hang in there! Some people might not realize how major a surgery it is or for some reason they are scared by it and therefore feel they must treat the person differently. I don't know why they do that. I've seen this happen with my Mom when she had serious health issues (she's doing fine but had lost some "friends"). For that reason I limited who I told the specifics too. There was only one or two people that didn't respond the way I thought they would but oh well--their loss. On the bright side I've seen some people I hardly know be the most supportive people. Many Hugs!!
Unread 05-01-2012, 01:12 PM
Re: A little offended

My DH has a very medically oriented family. Paramedics, emergency RN, psych RN, etc. I was really surprised when my sis in law asked me why it was taking me so long to heal. She said it really nicely and like she was concerned but at the same time with a tone of what's wrong with you? I felt embarrassed and mumbled something about all the internal stitches and she looked shocked and wanted further explanation. The whole conversation left me feeling bad and like something was wrong with me. But I know from this site how long it takes to heal and most women here have a similar experience. I would feel so alone without y'all.

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