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A little offended A little offended

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  #51  
Unread 05-06-2012, 10:47 AM
Re: A little offended

I have had pretty good luck with my friends and family being supportive.

The one exception is my boss who I told a month ago about this possibility and then again two weeks ago. My laparoscopic hysterectomy is scheduled for May 8 and on Monday he asked me if I would be able to come in that week at all after my surgery. "Um, no. I will be out for two weeks," was my response. He said, "Oh, well can we have our (in-depth) discussion two days after your surgery so we can utilize my time?" I looked at him with a complete look of shock on my face and said, "No, I am supposed to be resting and healing, I cannot have an in-depth discussion two days after surgery." Geesh.
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  #52  
Unread 05-06-2012, 11:42 AM
Re: A little offended

Your boss is ridiculous! Makes me mad for you! I know you can't say this but it would make me want to say the only "In Depth Discussion" we will have is me telling you where to f yourself. Sorry. They think Laproscopic is just a little puncture hole where they peek in and take nothing out. Agrrrr!
  #53  
Unread 05-06-2012, 12:16 PM
Re: A little offended

It hurts my feeling for my family not ti take care of me like I take care of them when they are sick if I gotta ask for food in the morning ill just get it myself I've been cooking for myself and everything I'm so exhausted Im just surprised that I have to fin for myself and I live with my sister and my daughter so I'm just a little sad about whole situation I dint feel loved or supported thanks sisters for u ladies mental support
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  #54  
Unread 05-06-2012, 01:00 PM
Re: A little offended

I want to thank every single person who contributed to this thread with their stories, so incredibly useful and comforting. I can relate to just about everything and appreciate sharing stories that are so sad.

I lost the friend I've known my entire life through this. In a way the surgery was a blessing because it made our relationship very clear. When I told her about my surgery she just said, "Oh it's no big deal, so many people have it" and just changed the subject. She never asked, called or wrote to see how I was doing. She actually got hostile and was pushing me away. That actually scared me into saying, "I don't want this kind of relationship anymore."

On the other hand, I've had a few acquaintances and friendships deepen!

My generation was so disdainful of social decorum of previous generations but the older I get I realize how much kindness is embedded in their conventions: when someone is ill or has a major event of any kind positive or negative you send a card or call just as a polite reflex, not as some deeply felt thing to do. Our generation comes from feelings. But schedules are so busy with so many needs, feelings aren't enough. It doesn't mean we don't care though. Habits like just calling to see how others are doing or sending a card is something I'm working on now, I can definitely do that from my recovery bed

I agree with the poster who said as we go through this experience we can become the ones who spread the word, educate others and can be there for others who will go through this after us.

Some people just are too self-absorbed to be really there for someone else in need that they consider a close friend, like my former friend. Some people don't know how to act helpful or caring, but have the intention and think of themselves that way and think that's enough. Some people don't realize how much it would mean if they reached out, that they don't matter to us so much. Some people would be there for us if they understood how serious the surgery is. Some people are freaked out by anything having to do with sexual organs. Some people just resent others who are in need and naturally are suspicious of 'slacking' in the face of someone's weakness.

Thanks to all of those of you here who are posting and making the loneliness go away!
  #55  
Unread 05-06-2012, 01:05 PM
Re: A little offended

Lovelylady, do you think if you asked them for specific things they'd be willing to do it? Like take out the garbage or make you breakfast or do the dishes? They may not have a clue how much you need them and what they can do to help but may very much be happy to if you explained it. I'm having to do that with my husband. I always say "Honey I know you want to help and I usually am able to do this so easily but can't now. Could you..."

If they get mad or otherwise don't want to help you, I've had that from friends and understand how sad that is. But sometimes people just don't know how to help.
  #56  
Unread 05-06-2012, 03:40 PM
Re: A little offended

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovelyladylumps View Post
Your boss is ridiculous! Makes me mad for you! I know you can't say this but it would make me want to say the only "In Depth Discussion" we will have is me telling you where to f yourself. Sorry. They think Laproscopic is just a little puncture hole where they peek in and take nothing out. Agrrrr!
Yes, my husband was honkerblonked and so were all of my friends. They were like, have someone kick him in the balls or have surgery to remove them and see if he feels like talking.

I told him a few days later when I got over the initial shock of his suggestion that I wouldn't be doing anything while I was home especially the first week. I flat out told him that if I didn't rest properly, I wouldn't heal properly and the surgery that was supposed to help me feel better would make me worse. I think I got my point across because he hasn't said anything about since while all my other co-workers have been asking me how I'm doing (chronic pain from endo) and telling me if there is anything they can do to just let them know.

The stupid thing is, you think he would be more understanding because I am a grad student studying microbiology and he has a Ph.D. in microbiology so he should have a greater understanding of biology maybe not anatomy and medical science, but biology in general. He's not a banker or something like that.
  #57  
Unread 05-06-2012, 03:42 PM
Re: A little offended

I guess honkerblonked means mad.

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  #58  
Unread 05-06-2012, 05:47 PM
A little offended

  Quote:
Originally Posted by PacificNW View Post
Lovelylady, do you think if you asked them for specific things they'd be willing to do it? Like take out the garbage or make you breakfast or do the dishes? They may not have a clue how much you need them and what they can do to help but may very much be happy to if you explained it. I'm having to do that with my husband. I always say "Honey I know you want to help and I usually am able to do this so easily but can't now. Could you..."

If they get mad or otherwise don't want to help you, I've had that from friends and understand how sad that is. But sometimes people just don't know how to help.
I really have a hard time asking for help I feel if they are hungry wouldn't they think I am to my sister been in the bed more than me and my 16yr old stays outside so she don't hear me if I do call I will work on asking for more but I really wish I never left the hospital :/ I'm just not use to not being able to care for myself maybe that's why I'm sad and crying all day I always take care of my family and I just want the same in return! Thanks alot sisters for listening to me being a cry babies :/
  #59  
Unread 05-06-2012, 08:47 PM
Re: A little offended

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Kallinda View Post
People can indeed be hurtful and unless they have been through a hysterectomy themselves, despite what they think, they haven't got a clue. It is major surgery and it comes with risks. 6 weeks is a good marker as it really is only then that you feel like yourself again. No matter what anyone says, family, employer, friends, everyone's stages of healing is different to the next person so when they ask you when you will be back to normal tell them it is likely to be 6 months.................LOL and really give them something to think about. Don't let anyone put you under pressure - you will be ready when you are ready.

Best wishes to all.

Kallinda.

Ps; On the day after my surgery a "friend" came to visit me in hospital. She plonked herself on my bed and said "so what was that gossip you were going to tell me about x in work"!!!! I am still gobsmacked
OMG Kallinda...my gaster would be flabbered if someone did that to me...!!! People amaze me every day.
  #60  
Unread 05-06-2012, 08:55 PM
Re: A little offended

I completely understand. I have gotten "you already had surgery before, you should know what to expect", and "your probably better off, it's no big deal".....I am furious that I can even be related to some of these people, so I have learned not to expect anything from anyone, and find my own support system....here....you are not alone.
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