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kids visiting after surgery kids visiting after surgery

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Unread 01-18-2002, 03:59 PM
kids visiting after surgery

I just found out I was going to have my surgery on Feb 20, and am very nervous about the whole thing! This is very odd for me because I am the control freak type, who is usually very calm about everything. I have weeks to go yet and I am already getting nervous! AAHHHHH!

I have a 8yr old DS and am not sure how to talk to him about what's going on - I have never really been sick or anything much less had to go to the hospital for a 3-4 days! He needs to know but I don't want to freak him out...any suggestions? How about having him visit me at the hospital -good idea, bad idea?

thanks for any response..
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Unread 01-18-2002, 04:08 PM
kids visiting after surgery

This is from my experience when my mom had a hyst in 1976 - I went to see her the night of surgery and I thought she was going to die! Her roommate (who was sitting up and visiting with friends) told me not to worry, that she had looked the same the night before. I was 18 at the time, so I guess I would recommend that your ds NOT visit the first night, and see how you feel the next day, you'll probably be home after a couple of days anyway.
Unread 01-18-2002, 04:22 PM
kids visiting after surgery

I have heard that the first two days after a hyst is the worst. Being that your son is so young it could be very scary for him if he saw his mother out of it, or in any pain. My son just had surgery on his hand, he is an adult. He was on a morphine pump and just looked so bad. It was really hard to see him that way, and I'm an adult. I also have a dd who is almost 7 years old. Last year I had to go to the Mayo Clinic for 10 days. She only got to talk to me on the phone, but she did so well as we prepared her for my absence. We told her all that was going on and about when I would be home, and let her feel that she was having special days just with her Nana and her. She did so well with this absence, and can't wait for her Nana to come watch her again when I have my hyst. It will probably be harder on you! My dd gave me one of her favorite stuffed animals to bring with me to the Mayo Clinic and told me to think of her when I held it. That sure did help me Best wishes and my prayers are with you.
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Unread 01-18-2002, 04:47 PM
kids visiting after surgery

I told my daughter I was having surgery to remove some growths that were bothering me, but I would be just fine. I gave her the option of visiting me a few hours after surgery, but I cautioned I would be groggy. She said she wanted to see me anyway. She was annoyed that I would ask a question about school,nod off before the answer,and then wake up to ask the same question. But she wasn't upset. She was very relieved to see me the day after- by then I was my normal self. She was with DH,who reassured her I was fine. The nurse at my pre-op appointment said a lot of kids are upset when they see Mom after surgery-mine was just annoyed at my lack of mental acuity! Physically I looked well-my hospital roommate and her visitors couldn't believe I had a hyst. My Mom looked fine after her hyst, but I haven't seen other people -from what I read on this site my experience is not typical.

My dd also gave me one of her stuffed animals to bring to the hospital.
Unread 01-18-2002, 05:33 PM
kids visiting after surgery

Every child is different, so how we approach this really depends on each child. My daughter was five when I had my surgery, and she is very dependant on the usual "rituals" of her days. I didn't want to worry her too much, so the day before, I explained that I was going to get something fixed in my tummy (she certainly knew that Mommy was NOT feeling so well for a long time), and that she would get to stay at Grandma's house. She could talk to me on the phone anytime she wanted, and when I came home, we could read together and play Barbies on the bed, etc.

That was enough info for her, and I kept the timeframe vague just in case things went longer than expected. I did NOT want her to see me looking awful, and I also didn't want to have to deal with her not wanting to leave me there, which I just knew would happen. I really don't think little kids belong in a hospital, anyway...JMHO.

We talked on the phone the afternoon of my surgery, and several times a day the whole four days I was in. She took good care of me when I got home, and my recovery was a fun time for us ( I work fulltime, so this was a real treat for us both).

I guess you have to figure out how much your son really needs to feeling is the minimum possible for THEIR peace of mind, not ours. You know best what will work for your own child...just go with your gut on this one!!!


Unread 01-18-2002, 05:50 PM
kids visiting after surgery

My initial reaction when I scheduled my TAH for 1/29/02 was...NO...I don't want my 11 year old DD to see me "helpless" in the hospital. I have talked with her quite a bit about what her Mama is about to go through, both the surgery and post-op time. She is excited that I will be home for 8 weeks, and seems to understand that I won't be up & around for a while. She's sooo sweet, wants to really help out during that time. We've discussed the time that I will be in the hospital, and I explained that I probably won't see her during that time (Tues am - Thurs pm/Fri am), since I will be asleep alot and focusing on getting better so I can come home soon. My Mom will keep her during this time -- they are really great buddies --- and my DH will be spending most of his time with me in the castle. At 11, my DD is very aware of what I have been experiencing, and wants her Mama back, felling better. As mentioned in previous posts, you know your son best, and can make the best decision for the both of you. Good luck and I'll keep you both in my prayers.


Unread 01-18-2002, 07:28 PM
My kids came to visit

I have a 2 yr old & a 6 yr old. Both of them came to visit me the day that I had my surgery. It was great. I am very, very close with my children & it really lightened my spirits to have them there. They even brought me flowers!!

I explained to my 6 yr old what was going to happen & what was being removed. (In a way that she could understand....not gory details.) Both of my girls get a kick at looking at my incisions (had an LAVH) and ske how the could do that much work with such tiny little holes.

Mind you, my girls did not stay but about 15 - 20 minutes, but I slept much better that night knowing that my girls knew that mommy was okay. I also had my DH call the school to let my oldest know that I was out of surgery and okay. She said thank you 100 times for that gesture.

Unread 01-18-2002, 07:45 PM
kids visiting after surgery

I feel this depends on your personal relationship with your children. My son is 13, and we are extremely close. I explained everything about the procedure to him (TAH), and showed him some pictures on the internet. Mind you, they were not very graphic. I told him what to expect post-op also. I was open and honest with him. He was with me in pre-op, until they wheeled me to the operating room. When I woke up (the first time that I remember) I was in the elevator going to my room. He was standing there, next to my bed, holding my hand and giving me the thumbs up. He charmed the nurses into letting him go with me. He visited me often in the hospital, and was very well adjusted to the whole situation. With younger children, the situation may vary, this is what worked best for my situation. My son would have been very distraught if I had tried to shelter him from this, or conceal anything. He still teases me about things I said when going in to surgery because of the meds they gave me. Overall it was a positive experience, for what it was. I hope this helps...

Unread 01-19-2002, 05:47 AM
kids visiting after surgery

It is certain that everyone's situation is different and you must go with your "gut" or your heart. Also, everyone has to take into account the different ages of our children at the time and the child themselves, and how we feel. The bottom line is what is best for you. We wish you all the best in your decision and know you will feel good about it. Our prayers are with you and we look forward to you feeling much better soon.
Unread 01-19-2002, 06:16 AM
kids visiting after surgery

I have five children ranging from teens to toddlers. The older kids can really understand what is going on and probably have no desire to "waste time" visiting me in the hospital. The younger kids we are preparing for my castle stay by talking about it daily to make it seem just a normal thing that they are well prepared for when the time comes. My 4 y/o wants to visit but I think that given the short time I will have to recover before returning to a house that is constantly going I will probably try to dissuade her. The three youngest will stay with my parents while I am at the castle and the older two will just stay home. DH is having hard time getting work to let him off so he will probably work while I am at the castle (except surgery day of course) and then take a couple days off after I first come home.

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