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Anger--Intense, Hot Anger Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

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Unread 01-19-2002, 08:34 AM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

Anger at betrayal by my body.

Anger at the uncertainty.

Anger at that which is certain--pain, scarring, long recuperation, dependency upon others, expense, a seemingly endless list.

Anger at the fear of both the known and the unknown.

Anger that I will struggle to find some good outcome--no matter the outcome--but I don't know the good outcome so I can't anticipate it.

Anger that these last days of feeling well (yes, I am one who is nearly asymptomatic) are being consumed by frantic preparation for something I don't want, by fear, by anxiety, by a host of difficult obstacles to finding a place of peace.

Thank you for being here--there is no one else I can talk to about this anger right now and I must let it out so that I can move on.

Helen - Who is going in search of a placid cow who can listen to my rant and not flinch.

SAH - 2/5/02
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Unread 01-19-2002, 09:04 AM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

I just wanted to give you a great big and tell you that I will keep every aspect of your surgery and recovery in my prayers! I do hope you find the good in the end, Helen!
Unread 01-19-2002, 09:11 AM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

s Helen.......

You have indeed come to the right place to express these feelings of yours. I hope that in this expression, you will find some relief and comfort.

I found that my emotions ran the course through this experience, and although I would not wish yours or mine conditions and surgeries on anyone, it is part of our lives and I looked to add this to the story that is my life.

I wish that your experience is as uneventful as possible and that your recovery is easy. Give in to the opportunity to heal from your pain, your surgery and begin a new path in your life. I wish you well in your journey..... take care sister.
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Unread 01-19-2002, 09:21 AM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

Please don't feel alone. It is o.k. to feel that way, in fact it is normal.

Many of us have been angry and anxious, especially when we have had the possibility of cancer staring us in the face. I went through that, too. My doctor was in a very big hurry, which scared me alot...

My life was completely turned upside down until I realized that I could spend my time in a positive way or panic.

I also realized if it was cancer I wanted to be prepared and informed but I would have to wait to deal with that seperately IF it happened. Remember, it is IF.

Keep us posted. Best of luck dealing with all of this.
Unread 01-19-2002, 09:36 AM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger


Anger is good. I didn't want my hyst either. I felt just fine and my uterus had never given me an ounce of trouble. They suspected ovarian cancer, so I had no choice. I was angry and upset for a long time. Eventually I just felt very sad that I had to go through this and would be losing my body parts. I was angry that I'd have to take HRT for the rest of my life (I'm 43) Fortunately NO ONE told me to just be grateful. My regular gyn (who wasn't doing the surgery - a gyn onc specialist was) had me come in to her office and cry/scream for an hour. The gynn onc asked what he could do to make it easier and give me some control , and everything I asked for I got.

It's almost 2 weeks post op now and in some ways I feel better. My recovery has mostly been swift. My body doesn't feel the same but it is OK. Because I was healthy going into the surgery I think I had a somewhat easier time that some of the gals here who had gone through pelvic hell before their operations.

The only advice I have is to make absolutely sure you know why you are having the surgery and that it is the best alternative for you. I spent a lot of energy on evaluating alternatives and getting other opinions. It made the pain easier to deal with.
Unread 01-19-2002, 10:21 AM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

I felt a little helpless at times, but never angry. I thought there could be different ways to go through this thing and anger wasn't go to help me feel better. Plus, with young kids in the house, I didn't want to be that way around them. I kept a positive attitude.

The surgery was not as bad as I thought. I was grateful when I got a benign reading on my tumor (volleyball size) and I am having a great recovery.

Perhaps you come from a healthier family than I do (many cases of cancer, etc.) but I never felt myself superhuman or unlucky when my body failed. Just the same while I can understand anger, if you can try to let go. Move on, get to the other side of this thing so you can truly start to heal. I'm sure you have good things in your life to. Stay focused on what is good in your life. While what your going through probably seems like the worst thing in the world, chances are you will get past it. My mother-in-law has a saying "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."
Unread 01-19-2002, 11:51 AM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

I'm sorry I'm not as good at dealing with my feelings as others. I didn't ask for the anger, I've tried to make it go away, I've submerged it and not shared it with anyone, and I thought by sharing it with at least one other human I might be able to get past it.

I have a son who has no idea his mother might have cancer. He only knows I'm having surgery.

None of the rest of my family is aware I'm having surgery, much less why. Why? My father is having his own bone scans done on 1/22 to see if his cancer has spread. He is a good and wonderful man and if his cancer has spread he will not share that information with anyone if he knows I'm scheduled for this--he would worry about adding to my stress. While the outcome of his tests cannot and will not alter my decision to have surgery at the earliest possible date, I will not contribute to his suffering and feeling that he must keep HIS worry, anger, and fear inside just to support me.

I chose to write here, hoping that by sharing my unwanted, intense anger with others who might understand and forgive me, I might be able to move past it. I'm AM trying not to be angry, I KNOW it is not helpful. Please don't tell me to stop feeling that way though--I've had that conversation a million times in the past 24 hours with myself and it doesn't help.

I'm not superhuman--my whole life has borne out that bad things DO happen to me. And, yes, a positive attitude is what I WANT to have going into surgery and possible cancer treatments. Right now, fear and anger have a solid grip on me and I am desperately searching for ways to ease that grip so that I be positive.

I am sorry if I have upset anyone or said anything inappropriate to this board. I'll try to stick to cows and cats when venting my intense feelings in future.

Unread 01-19-2002, 12:09 PM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

I'm sorry, I don't seem to have the necessary permissions to delete this thread that I started so I am asking that a moderator please do so.

I will attempt to find a different forum where perhaps I will feel more comfortable working through my anger.

Thank you.
Unread 01-19-2002, 12:10 PM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger


There is no right way to feel when you are facing something major and frightening. This experience is a roller coaster ride of emotions...there are no "good" or "bad" emotions...just emotions!

It's good to let them out, and this is a good place to do that. There are many women here who have gone through a variety of reactions. All of those reactions are real and none are more valid than others, so please don't feel that you have done or said anything inappropriate!

There are many stages and ways of going through this. In a way, it's like the stage of grieving...and you are kind of grieving, as we all have, for what will be lost and what we give up. But there is another side to it, that you may find in time...for everything that is lost, something is gained. Better health, freedom from pain, or in your case, freedom from uncertainty, maybe...and the chance to move past this thing that's hanging over your head. Anyway you choose to look at it, is ok.

The ladies over at our forum "Aching Hearts" are pretty good at talking about the very intense emotions that we all go through during this time. You might want to visit that forum and I think you will find that you are certainly not alone in how you are feeling.

Please know that we are here to support you and help you in any way we can...remember, we are all just trying to find our way through this stuff. That's what sisterhood is all about.

Hang in there, honey, you are NOT alone!!!

Unread 01-19-2002, 12:18 PM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

Helen, please don't feel that you can't come here and vent your anger! Most of us are going through the same feelings that you are, my surgery is scheduled for 1/29/02, and I've shared with very few people that I'll be having surgery and for what. It's a personal thing to me, this site is a god send because I can share with others who have the same feelings that I have. My prayers will be with you and your family, hope all goes well with you Dad!
Best wishes,

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