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Anger--Intense, Hot Anger Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

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Unread 01-19-2002, 12:25 PM

I can't add anything more than what Karen has posted(she is one smart and kind lady!) other than the fact I think you are a very UNselfish person to keep your fears to yourself because of the love for your father and your concern for him! You are to be admired for that!! Don't feel bad or ashamed for the way you feel. Feeling SOMETHING is better than feeling nothing, and if anger is what you have right now, then no-one can force you to get past it before YOU are ready to!

Lots of love and s to you!!!!!!!!
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Unread 01-19-2002, 02:37 PM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

Dear Helen,
The first step to getting better is to feel the feelings! So you were very right in coming to this board and letting your feeling out! Please dont stuff those feelings away! Let them out! Scream and cry... My father has had lung cancer three times. Each time he is told OK! Good to go and just before the 5 year clearance it strikes again. I dont know how he dealt with it, He was very non talking about the subject. But for me I was Angry!My dad was to young for all this, I had selfish reasons too! I did not want to lose him. I felt so awful in side like a twist rubberband! I was angry and wanted to lash out! I wanted to throw up! and I wanted to melt in a corner and cry and pray the world would go away. It was so much feeling at one time! I wanted to climb out of my skin! Wake up and it all be a bad dream! I had to feel those feelings and let them out! When I was alone at home, I would scream! I would go into my bedroom and tear the bed up! Throw the pillows and pull off the bed sheets and toss them across the romm! I didnt want to break anything, but I needed a physical release. I would scream and cry into the pillow! I would wear myself out tangled up in those sheets and blankets. and as I started to feel the release I would start to put the bed together again! Maybe this will help you for an idea to vent physicaly. Sometimes we just have to wear out those feelings! I guess the bed was the cancer and I hated it and I beat on it until I could feel like I had beaten it! hope this is some help to you!
Many prayers for you!
Unread 01-19-2002, 02:41 PM

You and I share surgery dates, and I am also asymptomatic. I'm also very scared about whether I may actually have cancer. I've been with my gynecologist for over 16 years, and I've learned to read him well. His recent "concern" concerns me greatly!

You're going through enough without having a hysterectomy on top of it. I'm very sorry about your father, and I hope all turns out well with him. It's difficult when your parents are ill. We just placed my Mom in a care facility because of her Alzheimers Disease, and it's been pretty stressful, so I sort of understand how you may feel.

If I chose not to tell my family about my situation, they would be hurt and angry once they did find out, and they would find out. How can they not? Think about this... having to worry about you might possibly take your father's mind off his own situation and make it somewhat easier for him.

And remember, it's not your fault that this is happening to you. So don't blame yourself at all. Try to accept that this is something that may save your life, even if it's in the long run.
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Unread 01-19-2002, 02:54 PM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

Obviously, my dose of optimism was not what you needed right now. I think I will let others respond who may understand anger better.

I will address not sharing with your family. In the past year, my dad has had prostate cancer, heart problems that wound up needing a pacemaker and now mild diabetes. My mother has had her share of problems and is a breast cancer survivor. Her mom survived breast cancer and two bouts of colon cancer back in the days when women didn't survive. She finally got breast cancer again in her late 80's, would not have the surgery again and died at 94. I lost my favorite cousin at 14 to leukemia and my dad's only sibling died at 48 of breast cancer. There have been numerous other cancers in the family, some survived and some not.

I was very concerned with worrying my parents with what was going on with me given what was going on with my dad at the time. However, with a 5 and 3 year old in the house and the specter of cancer, as well as figuring out the logistics of how to care for the kids during and after my surgery, I wound up telling them. My family gave me the type of support that I could not get from others. Plus, having had so many cancers in the family my parents were especially understanding. They assured me that I had not done the wrong thing by telling them and it made me remember how upset I would get with them when I only found out about their problems after the fact. I knew I had to tell them at some point as we live close enough to see each other 1-2 X a month.

I may not be supporting your anger or saying what you want to hear. The way I feel may only work for me and not you. But, I am presenting my viewpoint. You will see some viewpoints that will work for you and some that won't. I have no intention of posting under this thread again. I hope you obtain the type of support you are seeking. As you did not say for sure that you have cancer, I also hope that you receive good news after your surgery to help put your heart at ease. I also hope you have a speedy recovery. Talk with your doctor about your pain fears. I was given a spinal as well as a general for my tah/baso- I was told that that helped a lot of women make a quicker recovery. I don't know why, but I have had an excellent recovery and while no one should look forward to surgery I will tell you that they can give you medicines to control your pain and you may feel much better, much sooner than you expect to.
Unread 01-19-2002, 03:04 PM
Anger--Intense, Hot Anger

Dear Cool Chick,
I think one of the reasons I took the news so hard was that my parents DID NOT tell me or my brother until Dad was going to surgery! So to go through the maybes and the testing gives you time to think it through, This last minute, Guess what was terrible! I now stay on top of my dads doctors appointments and demand test results! No more secrets. I feel that the more prayers you have the better off you are! My parents wont lie, they just dont bring up the subject! I dont see the need for them to develop ulcers worring about telling us! The long they waited the worse it was. It is just like the nine months of pregnancy prepares you for long hours and little sleep. So does the time in which questions and answers prepare you for what could happen. My parents felt they were protecting us and did not want us to worry! I told them this is what family is all about! Pulling through together! You never know when someone may hear of a wonderful alternative and you would miss it because the person had no idea there was a need!
At this time I only have Fibroids and Scare tissue and awful menses. I do pray that yours is nothing and all will turn out good for you! You are very right in the prolonging of telling family, the sooner the better, because then they work through it too! My best wishes for you! and my Prayers too! What time is your surgery? Mine is at 7:30 am so I will try to say a prayer for us all before going in! Be thinking of you on the 2/5!
Unread 01-19-2002, 03:43 PM
((((Eclectic One))))

My surgery is at 7:30 am as well!!! I will say an extra prayer for you around that time, and many prayers beforehand for both you and your family.

My 80 yr old father is taking me to the hospital! He's hilarious and loving and warm, so I should go in feeling very loved. My sister and my father will both be there when I wake up, so I'm hoping for the best. I hope you have someone wonderful to accompany you.
Unread 01-19-2002, 04:52 PM
Let it out!!!!!

Dear Helen,
You better bet that this is the place to come to vent!!!! I vented one night in the chat room about 2 weeks before my surgery that I too was angry and feeling betrayed by my body!!!! This wasn't how I had "planned" planned things! In my situation I had had pain for years as long as I was on BCP. But then last year in Mar or April, I started having all the other stuff, bleeding horribly, pain and horrible cramping on my BCP! I felt so out of sorts when I started having problems. "A hysterectomy was what everyone else had!" Well I had to have one! Venting on this website was the best thing I could have ever done!

I'm 6 weeks post op now and had some rough weeks just from my emotions. I vent quite a bit! I would get so frustrated when there were some women who didn't have a clue what I was talking about! They felt great! I was actually just green with envy!
But then there were some that had worse problems than I did! There were also some ladies who had the same problems! But everyone is different!

Please don't hesitate to come here!! There is always someone who understands! I don't know about having a diagnosis of possible cancer, but I know how it feels to have your body betray you! Hang in there my dear! Come to the chat room if you get a chance. There's always warm s there!

Blessings to you!
Unread 01-19-2002, 08:11 PM

Dear Helen, I understand your anger and also understand your need to deal with this without distressing those close to you. I didn't tell my children about my surgery until the day before. I insisted my husband drop me off at the hospital and go to work while I underwent the surgery. I think it may have something to do with loving those close to us so very much that we don't want to cause them any worry or grief. It's natural to be concerned about the outcome. But take one thing at a time. Why not put that anger to work? Go through junk mail and get rid of it. Stock up kitchen cupboards with all the stuff you and your family like to munch on. Scrub the bathroom floor. Buy that novel you never seem to get time for and have it ready for postop entertainment. Most of all, tell those close to you how much you love them. Prayers and God's blessings be yours. Smiles.

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