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Unread 01-19-2002, 05:46 PM

I am so irritated with my husband ... I have my consultation with my gyn on Monday and he is going with me. I asked him tonight to help me think of any questions I might be overlooking ... and he asked why he would have any questions with MY surgery. He thinks I am blowing this all out of proportion and that by reading too much about it I might "imagine having those symptoms". He's only going with me to the appt out of guilt. ARGHHHHH!!!!!
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Unread 01-19-2002, 06:08 PM

Boy can I relate. My husband questioned why we need to discuss the details of my visit to the Dr. doing the surgery now, since "it's three months away". Actually it is six weeks but I'm the only one counting.

I hope it is just that he is out of his element and does not know what to say. I'm afraid that the need for surgery came as a surprise to him since I hadn't shared the extent of the problems I had been having with him. Pain and heavy bleeding really mean nothing to him and I didn't want to sound like a complainer. (my mother tends to be a hypocondriac and it drives him crazy)
Unread 01-19-2002, 06:08 PM

I know how you feel. When my dr told me I really needed my hyst, he said he also wanted me to discuss it with my dh first before scheduling the date. I told dh this and all he said is it's my body and if it's something I felt I needed to do, then do it. He's kind of a quiet person anyway. I explained to him that the dr wanted us to discuss it with each other, explained how I was feeling about making such a major decision & needed support from him, and that my time in the hospital and recovery time would really affect the whole family.

My dh is a manager for UPS and they aren't supposed to take any days off between Thanksgiving and New Year's since it's their busiest time of the year. He's also a workaholic. I had my surgery Dec. 5th (Wed) and knew he planned to be at the hospital during my surgery, but assumed he would go back to work as soon as the dr talked with him and he'd seen me afterward. So, my mother had planned on coming to the hospital every day I was there and bringing me home when I was released. I was pleasantly shocked when dh told me the day of surgery he was able to take the rest of the week off. He took me home from the castle himself & then went back out to the drug store to get my pain meds & panty liners. And he's been pretty much a prince since.

I guess a lot of men aren't as open to discussing these kinds of "female things" because they may not really understand or know what to say.

Just let dh know how important his being there for you and his talking/listening to you is. Hopefully, he'll pleasantly surprise you too.
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Unread 01-19-2002, 06:09 PM

Hi Vickie!!
Just wanted to mention there is a whole list of pre-op questions on the home page, near the bottom under the Ladies in Waiting drop down menu's. They won't all apply to you, but its a great list!
Best of luck with your appointment!!
Unread 01-19-2002, 07:35 PM

Hi Vicky! Like the rest of you girls, I asked my husband if he had any questions, and he said "No". Well, I had enough for both of us! He went (very willingly) with me to my preop and listened quietly while I asked the doctor my "list" of questions. I printed the list from the homepage and added some of my own. My dr was very patient and really quite happy to answer all of my questions. My dr was VERY happy that I asked them and complimented me on taking such an active role in my treatment plan (surgery) and recovery. After surgery at the first postop visit, I again took my new list of questions and he took just as much time to explain all of those answers. He even told me that he had never had another patient be so prepared for surgery, and could not believe how well I was recovering so quickly. I was only in the castle for two days instead of 3-5 and he was impressed how soon I was ready to go home! Please do not be afraid to ask whatever questions you might have. You need to get these answers! Men just don't seem to have the same need to prepare for things that women do. Like PDawn, my husband is a manager for UPS. While my surgery wasn't until Jan 9th, they were still not suppose to ask for any time off through the end of January. My husband planned to be off with me for the day of surgery, but didn't quite know if it would be "neccessary" to take off the next two day while I was to be in the hospital. I asked if he would take off the three days, and he willingly asked his bosses for the time off. They gave it to him, and didn't even require that he use vacation-sick time-or discretionary days! When he went back on Monday they even asked him if he needed more time! Men-go figure! Just be patient with your dh, make your list of questions, and ASK your dr!!! Best of luck to you and a speedy recovery!!
Unread 01-19-2002, 08:14 PM

My dh went to pre-op appt. and post-op appt with me. I had my list of things to ask...and he listened while I asked them AND he listened to the answers the dr. gave me.

We also went together to get my list of pre-op items. The more I involved him in the planning stages the more interest he took. He was a true companion through this entire hyst. journey and for that I'm very thankful. Just having him at the appts for moral support was better than any question he could of come up with

To be quite honest, I didn't really know what questions to ask at if I didn't know I'm sure my dh had NO clue
Unread 01-19-2002, 09:12 PM

My husband was very supportive and helpful throughout pre-op, surgery day and post-op. However, he didn't go with me to any appointments with my doctor and I really didn't expect him to. After being married for 31 years I know him pretty well and didn't feel I could expect him to do the things that are trully out of his realm. The other thing I have observed with him and other men in general is that they want their wives to be well because it scares them to think we are not well. My husband is not a really expressive person, but I know he cares intensely about me and my well-being. But, other than shaking my gynecologists hand after my surgery, I know he is not the type of person to express himself with questions, etc. and that's o.k. with me. Now, you are not me, so I wouldn't expect you to feel the same way I do, but I said all of that to say this, Ask you think your dh doesn't want to go because he doesn't care about you or because he is fearful about the whole thing and wouldn't know what to ask anyway? If he absolutely doesn't want to do that I'm sure he'll be there to support you in other ways. The other thing is...the more we talk about it...what's going to happen, how scared we are, just makes them fearful too and I think they react by telling us they are tired of hearing about it.

You may end up being surprised at how "there" he is for you in other ways.


Unread 01-20-2002, 05:09 AM
my husband would pass out

He's not good in any medical type setting, and just hearing about it he would probably pass out. He went into the delivery room for our second child, the nurse took one look at him and put him on a stool! He is very supportive about the surgery, he's taking a week off to be home with me after the surgery, but he begged me NOT to ask him to look at anything, and NOT to describe anything to him. I also promised him that I would tell the dr to only tell him the surgery was over, not to give him any details, or she would have to revive him!

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