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Dumbest thing someone has said to you?!! Dumbest thing someone has said to you?!!

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Unread 08-15-2012, 09:21 PM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

All these insensitive remarks are because people don't really understand what we are going through or how major the surgery is. I have always tended to be a bit on the stoic side, and I don't talk a lot about my personal stuff with my co-workers. I was extremely fortunate to be among some good people.

When I told my supervisor that I was going to have the surgery and might be off for up to six weeks, he told me that his wife had a hysterectomy, and that she was fairly young and extremely fit, so they were both surprised at how much it took out of her and how long it took to bounce back. He said to take all the time I needed.

My fellow co-workers brought me a care package after I got home from the hospital with some home-cooked meals that just needed to be warmed up. That's what my husband and I had for dinner for the first several days, and it was a tremendous help. The next week, I got another care package. On top of that, a whole bunch of people made quilt squares and gave me a beautiful quilt.

After having been through the surgery and having experienced the kindness of some wonderful people, I can only say that I am truly lucky compared to so many of my hyster-sisters.

If by chance anyone asks you what they can do to help, here are some things you can tell them.
1. bring a hot casserole or other hot meal over
2. offer to do an errand - pick up some things from the grocery store, for example
3. come over for a short visit (you will get tired too easily for a long visit), and help out with one or two things around the house - not major housecleaning - just wash up the breakfast dishes, or run a load of laundry, or something like that.
4. if you have children, maybe your friend could take them to a park or somewhere to give them something to do to run off energy while you get some rest

Anyway, I hope everyone has fewer dumb remarks and gets a few more helpful offers and a bit of empathy.
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Unread 08-15-2012, 09:27 PM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

Originally Posted by menorrhagiaJen View Post
It's been about 12 hours since I posed on facebook. Five of my friends/family knew. No answer.

I wonder if anything involving cervix removal feels too sexual to talk about? I never thought that (although I didn't know about the cervix coming out) but perhaps others do. In my case I'm pretty sure it's just my medical history has been crazy for 2 years. I was hospitalized to start a psych med, got out and had a very nasty stomach bug that kept me off work for 3 days and had me on appendicitis watch then some med to kind of reset my GI tract. Soon after that I fell and tore 2 ligaments in my ankle badly enough that I need surgery but have been too busy with gyn stuff. 10 months after than I caught whooping cough b/c I was allergic to the shots and that hurt my trachea and caused asthma. Then there was last year's surgery and that was followed by numerous hospitalizations for psych and lithium toxicity. And now this. So I guess they have some excuse but I did not choose any of those things, did not exaggerate them and fought a good fight against this. So I still deserve some sympathy, surely. Oh well, I'll start a "talk about my hysterectomy" campaign if I have to. Every post "you know, I would love to comment but I'm having a hysterectomy". (Not really!)
I am not shy about the word cervix or the fact that I used to have one! I asked my doctor about the removal of my cervix, why he was removing it and sexual problems. He said that you read lots of untrue facts about the removal of the cervix on the internet and that in his experience not one of his patients has had a problem. You wont be able to tell, your partner wont be able to tell or feel any difference only a doctor doing a pelvic or ultrasound will know.I lost mine cause we really couldn't tell where the pain was coming from. I hope that puts some fears at ease for you. Also I told no one on facebook mostly cause I didn't want my ex to find out and try to get in touch with me or show up at the hospital, I told only family and close friends all where for it except one and the one who wasn't for it was still very supportive and helped me out with everything when I first came home! Ignore the rude comments and embrace your friends
Unread 08-15-2012, 11:25 PM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

I had one friend recently say "Well you are getting what you wanted, so what is the big deal?". Me = ???? I just don't want to be in a pile of pain anymore and never know when my long, heavy periods will stop. Not helpful

My new "favorite" (not) from earlier today, "I just had my appendix out and it wasn't that bad at all"...um...ok then
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Unread 08-15-2012, 11:28 PM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

The "best" comment I got was actually abt a week ago. I had my surgery a bit over 3 months ago, but still have problems with pain ("old" nerve stuff )- also, like many of our sisters I am young & would have LOVED to pass on this surgery so I could possibly try to have a second child when I meet the man of my dreams. Anyway- a "friend" of mine, who had her dd at age 41 (just under 7 yrs ago) said I "am SO lucky". She has recently met a man & is TIRED OF DEALING WITH BIRTH CONTROL! So, she thinks I am lucky bc I "dont have to worry about that anymore". Um, sure. She even asked what I "told the doctor was wrong so (I) had the surgery". She absolutely blew me away!!!! She would have a hyst to be able to have sex without birth control!!!! Obviously she thinks the surgery "is not a big deal" (no, she didnt help at all after my surgery- she actually guilted me into going to a "party" at her house barely 2 weeks after my hyst). Like many sisters posted- she didnt reply anything on fb until the day after surgery & then said "is all this talk about YOU having a hysterectomy?". She gets too hung up in re-posting things & posting about who her "true friends" are- which I find quite ironic!

Now that I am "sooo far post-op" from my hyster my mom (we are both nurses , but she is WAY removed from clinical stuff) thinks I am "milking things" or "expecting too much attention" by being involved in this group. She never so much as had a cramp with a period, so didnt understand me before surgery either.
People are clueless, THATS WHY I & sooooo many sisters before us feel like this site is soooo important. Unfortunately, the comments will keep coming. FORTUNATELY, we can always share them with our sisters here- both for a laugh and support.
& to you all!!!!
Unread 08-15-2012, 11:43 PM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

Thanks to everyone who has posted today on this. I can't explain how much better I feel to have laughed. I just don't think this is comprehensible to anyone who has ever had to give up the faint/or great chance of a child. My family thinks I don't have that worry about because I've known for a long time that I wouldn't have children b/c of the severity of my bipolar and then learning I rarely ovulate. My therapist tells me I'm in and have been in denial regarding that sadness. He's right but I don't think we're going to go there until after the surgery because I don't want to be at the height of upset when I go in. Even knowing that I shouldn't have kids and couldn't without fertility treatment doesn't mean I'm not sad. Yet I'm so glad that this is the last (please God) time that I will feel the pain that means the horrible cramps and bleeding and clots are days away. I can live with the daily discomfort but I can't live with these periods.

Really though, laughter is much better than trying to figure out if the surgery destroys the round ligament which I think it is a source of a chunk of my pain.

Also, healthcare people can be the worst. I was an OT and hated talking about it because clinically it is one thing and living it is another. My wonderful coworkers back then (I'm on disability now) were very understanding, especially after most of them of them learned about it from a patient who told everyone I was having "female surgery" and she worried about me. Sweet, sweet lady I really had bonded too, but so funny to have many people ask me about the surgery because of what this woman had told them. At the same time those friends are probably the ones thinking ??????Wasn't her whole thing gyn surgery a year ago that had complications so she doesn't work? And there's a lot to fill in between.

Please keep telling me stories!
Unread 08-16-2012, 12:36 AM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

Originally Posted by LCfromFL View Post
The most commonly dumb thing people keep telling me is "oh...you're having it laprascopically? That's really nothing...you can be back next week!" I then point out that they are removing 6 parts of my body and I'll come back when I darn well feel up to it!
i have heard the same thing waaaayyyy too many times!
Unread 08-16-2012, 12:45 AM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

i love this thread! a few of mine that drive me nuts:
my MIL keeps insisting that i will be back up and around in no time, and seems to think that i will be fone the day i get out of the hosptial!

if one more person tells me "oh you're going to feel so much better!" i am going to blow up or throw up...

my chiropractor's receptionist told me today that she is so jealous- which at that point i rubbed it in and told her that i am 31 and never have to worry about my period or underwear again!

my favorites come from my husband who actually asked if a) they could make the hole deeper so he doesn't hit the back and b) can they install a coffeemaker since they are taking everything else out? (he was trying to make me laugh and it did work!)
Unread 08-16-2012, 12:46 AM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

The ability of people to not get it is amazing. I have a large birthmark on my hand/arm. Years ago it started bleeding spontaneously so I had some laser treatments. The 2nd was at a greatly increased power and I wound up with 523 1 mm 1st and 2nd degree burns, mostly 2nd degree. My hand was swollen and blistered and sore for several weeks. I got my oil changed and was having trouble writing with the pen between the fingers that are less affected. The boy working there saw the burns and my struggle and asked what happened. I said "laser surgery" and he told my that doesn't hurt. I was seriously thinking about lasering a few places on him to see what he thought then. But I just smiled and said "actually this is 523 individual burns and it is quite painful to touch things with the burned areas so everything is hard but thanks for your opinion." I hope he still remember that. Laparoscopy is the same I think; people think small incisions and don't get that there is still a ton of cutting inside and internal sutures. From what I understand they put some hefty permanent stitches in to prevent pelvic floor issues and I'm pretty sure that alone is worth some soreness. I'm glad to do it laparoscopically but I also know that I was still getting tired and spotting if I did too much 4 weeks post-op last time when there was little cutting.
Unread 08-16-2012, 06:00 AM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

I have also heard that Its not a big deal & that I will be up and running in a couple days...
And my mom said to me..."be careful what you ask for" i'm Sorry I didn't ask for a complete hysterectomy @ 30... Yes I admit I have said b4 I wish I didn't have so much bleeding & pain from my periods.... But I never said I want to go through a complete hysterectomy & surgical menopause @ 30.....
Idky people think having your whole reproductive system removed is not a big deal.... It is & I don't think any of us ask for it.... We just have no other option to live pain free....
Unread 08-16-2012, 06:30 AM
Re: So, what's the dumbest thing someone has said to you @ surgery?

Oh Lord, some of the things people come up with! I had my boss tell me I was lucky, and I would probably be able to work after two weeks if I was bored at home (this was for a TAH.......bored was not a word to describe how I felt!)
But my all time number one was from a young girl at work, who in true blonde fashion, said "So why won't you be able to get pregnant after this?" I swear, the temptation to tell her that the uterus was where the stork sent its messages to was nigh on irresistible lol. This is the same girl who the day before surgery in all seriousness told me she hoped I enjoyed my Big Holiday

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