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Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one! Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

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  #1  
Unread 09-05-2012, 07:41 PM
Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

Alright ladies, we seem to hold nothing back on these forums, so why not have some laughs. We all know that we are gassy and for some reason farts are funny to so many people, so I thought maybe we should share some funny fart stories since we all need a good laugh now and then to help us through this long, boring recovery. Those of you sisters that just had your surgery and are thinking "farts aren't funny, they hurt like hell or I can't even get one out," don't worry, soon a day will come where you won't be able to hold those puppies back. You will be surprised at what will soon come out of your butt. So I'll get us started and share my story from last night.

I was laying in bed, not sleeping as usual, by it was almost 11:00, so my husband was sleeping at the time. All of a sudden, the loudest, longest lasting fart I have ever had in my life came bursting out of my butt. Of course this caused me to get hot so I lifted up my covers to let my legs hang out. Now let me explain that I sleep with a large fan on for noise and since I couldn't reach it on the floor, it is on a table at the foot of my bed. I also have a small fan blowing on me from the side. This makes the smell from any horrible fart flow in the direction of my husband and soon after I lifted my blanket, I heard a loud inhale of breathe later followed be a release of breathe and then a quick flip over so he was facing away from me. Yes, it smelled so bad he held his breathe and had to roll over. He didn't say a word and went back to sleep. And then I just kept farting all night long. He understands I can't control it. I will add that that blast out of my butt was a bit painful.
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  #2  
Unread 09-05-2012, 08:27 PM
Re: Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

So don't know if its funny but wanting to get released from the dreded hospital stay I have a pee and right out of blue I pass a toilet vibrating toot, the nurse in the room with me says your paroled . Oh that hurt to laugh.
  #3  
Unread 09-05-2012, 08:41 PM
Re: Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

A very long-standing joke I have with my 17 year old daughter is that she's never heard me fart. "Well, of course I don't fart! I'm your mother!" I always tell her.

When I got the details of my surgery, and that gas was going to be a problem, I told my daughter she very well may finally get her chance.

Well, later that evening after my surgery, after my first walk around the nurses station ... I didn't fart, but started burping uncontrollably. The look of disappointment on my daughter's face was almost comical.


The non-stop jokes before surgery when I warned my husband about the gas, about how he was going to buy me one of those charcoal filtered fart blankets were a riot, though. Seriously, Google that, that product really exists. lol
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  #4  
Unread 09-05-2012, 09:51 PM
Re: Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

My BFF's ex-husband used to joke that she farted so much every night, he'd wake up and find the blanket in the air hovering over the bed.
  #5  
Unread 09-05-2012, 10:03 PM
Re: Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

I was in the kitchen with my daughter and we were talking. Out of the blue a huge long loud fart ripped out. We both looked at each other and burst out laughing. I was like sorry I can't (and won't) control that. We thought it was hilarious.

I think it has to be pretty bad too when your dog starts giving you funny looks.
  #6  
Unread 09-06-2012, 08:19 AM
Re: Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!

bahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't been in here in a while and this just made my day.

bahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do remember it took me about 4-5 days after surgery to fart. It hurt so bad and hurt to fart also. After that, I'd manage to fart several times during the night for weeks and it was so loud, I'd wake myself up and woke my husband up a couple of times. I think it was because I was more relaxed while sleeping. My butt was too tense during the day. I was constantly afraid I'd do something to make my bladder or vajay jay fall out.

Oh, I was sooo glad I farted for the first time, I had to call my mom and my brother to tell them.
  #7  
Unread 09-06-2012, 08:27 AM
Re: Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

My poor three-year-old was going potty and I'm standing there ready to help her wipe and i have the 'rolling toots' that make a grumbly noise.

My daughter looks at me and says "Oh mommy, your poor tummy." She leans over, kisses it and says "You not better yet?" Then she gets up and runs out.

I yell to her "You need to wipe" and she says "You need potty more [than] me. You stinky"

Out of the mouth of babes
  #8  
Unread 09-06-2012, 08:28 AM
Re: Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

About 4-5 days after surgery I was headed upstairs to go to bed. I stopped halfway up and let one rip. Loud and Long. Best one I have ever produced! So good that the dogs started barking and didn't stop for a good ten minutes. I was home alone at the time and was disappointed that no one was there to be disgusted! So glad someone else thinks it is funny!!!! If we didn't have a sense of humor about it, how could we get through it!!!
  #9  
Unread 09-06-2012, 04:55 PM
Re: Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

I know exactly what everybody is talking about. I was uncomfortable all day yesterday. When bed time came was when the gas started moving. It was so bad my hubby teased me about putting me in the spare bedroom and my cat that usually wants to snuggle slept in the closet.
  #10  
Unread 09-06-2012, 06:31 PM
Re: Funny Fart Stories! You know you have one!

Thank you ladies for making me laugh till I cried. Now I am stuck crying.
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