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Back and forth and then down, down, down....(son included) Back and forth and then down, down, down....(son included)

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Unread 09-21-2012, 09:42 PM
Back and forth and then down, down, down....(son included)

I had my hysterectomy 2 weeks before my 29th birthday and I am 4 weeks post-op...All my life my periods came with heavy bleeding and clotting, anemia was horrible, fatigue, I was a day or two of school every month but I was blessed with no mood swings...I am also a two time cancer survivor (hodgkins)...I have been pregnant twice but just one baby boy, who is 4 now...I was told the first time I was pregnant that I had fibroids but didn't have anything to worry about, well they were wrong, I had tons of fibroids, I miscarried but it was one of those things that was a blessing in disguise...come to find out I was really sick I had cancer...did treatment and six months after treatment I son wanted to come out 2 months before my due date, which my dr put me on meds to stop the conctractions...I finally had my son two weeks before due date and I had over 25 fibroids in my uterus the last thing I heard was "I am surprised that the baby survived," then I was out because I losing a lot of blood. I had to get a blood transfusion which to be honest wasn't new to me (very anemic) dr talked to me about having a hysterectomy and me an my husband decided yes we should go ahead, (he didn't want anymore kids). But then we found out I had cancer again so it was a no go...after my treatment for the 2nd time me and my husband were separated and then divorced.

I moved back to my hometown six months after my divorce to be closer to my friends especially my best friend for comfort...I have been back home with my four year old for year and I started dating this guy I knew from middle school and I told him beforehand that I might not be able to have kids...he was ok with it but did want to try because he always wanted a kid of his we were trying and I told him that I needed to see ob to see what are my we did...he felt my belly and told me that my uterus was the size of a woman that was nine months pregnant, so we did ultrasound to see what we could do...options were remove firoids or hysterectomy...but doc strongly suggested hysterectomy my kidney was at the starting stage of shutting down and to remove the fibroids was going to be very risky because there were two that were the size of softballs and so we decided on the hysterectomy...during the operation, which took longer than excpected, my doc told my boyfriend and my mom that it was a total mess inside me, we wanted to save the ovaries but we couldn't not only did I have over 25 fibroids in my uterus, my ovaries and parts of my insides were covered in endometriosis, and of course after the op I had to have a blood transfusion...two weeks after the op I ended up in hospital because of a small bowel obstruction due to scar tissue in my small intestines.

I cry everyday when no one is home or sleeping...I have to be strong...I put a smile on for everyone but all I want to do is cry and sleep...I am so afraid that my boyfriend is going to give me the boot since I can't have anymore kids...I love him so much I wanted so much to give him a baby, but now I can't so I am trying to deal with it but it is really hard for me to get over the fact that I can't...I feel damaged........
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Unread 09-23-2012, 11:01 AM
Re: Back and forth and then down, down, down....(son included)

(((PoohBear9883))) I am so sorry for all you have been thru. You are one tough cookie!!! If your boyfriend truely loves you he will know that your health had to come first. A lot of us hystersisters feel damaged or less than a woman after our surgeries, but we all have to remember that we are not any less because we had to have parts removed for our health and well being. You may want to look into speaking with a counselor or some ladies say they feel better with journaling. The key is to just get the emotions out, instead of bottling them up. I also suggest a heart to heart with your bf. I know it will be hard, but expressing your fears and hearing how he feels is the only way for you to move past some of the grief and loss you are feeling. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way!!
Unread 09-23-2012, 08:20 PM
Re: Back and forth and then down, down, down....(son included)

Hang in there! Your son is a miracle and he loves you .It's okay to cry and feel angry. Your emotions have been thru a ton of serious stuff over the past four years. You are a tough gal and you can over come even this. Keep talking about your pain and we'll keep listening and keeping a journal is a great idea. If you are a spiritual person seek peace in prayer. Remember to talk to your doctors about your sadness so they can help you feel better. (HUGS)

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